He barged into my room

[thirtyseven37]

Unannounced whilst I was still in bed to tell me that we needed to have a talk before he sees his family later in case they want an update. We've been separated for a few weeks now due to him having an affair. AIBU to ask him to leave and arrange for us to meet downstairs later, or at a cafe when I am dressed and prepared for such a conversation? I feel upset that he just came in and expected me to start talking when I had only just woken up and was actually in bed. I told him it was inappropriate for him to come into my private space now we have separated.

If you don't want to talk to him you don't have too. The only update his family needs is he had an affair and you are going through a separation. Can you get a lock for your bedroom door?

I'm now researching how to install a lock to an internal door.

Just put a bolt, door chain, job done.

A chair back under the handle meantime.

You are right: refuse to be blindsided into this heavy conversation. You owe this cheating troll nothing.

Buy a door wedge from Amazon. Useful for hotel rooms too

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Security-Portable-Perfect-Traveling-Apartment/dp/B09N95FHVZ/ref=asc_df_B09N95FHVZ/?tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=570420064276&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=16744206696221915832&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=20343&hvtargid=pla-1636191142303&psc=1&mcid=34de2ea9e9db3915862b79601bbf567f

This. Just buy a door wedge and improvise in meantime...

You don't owe him any conversation or update. Presumably his family know about the affair? When's he moving out is surely the next question?

Yes his family know. He won't move out.

How are you doing, @thirtyseven37?

My advice would be to stay super calm (pretend if you have to). I think a door wedge is a great idea. There won't be any drama around you getting a lock installed.

The reason I stay calm is not to avoid conflict. It is to resolve things and send your message across without you getting upset.

Be assertive, clear, and stoic. He will stop trying to ruffle your feathers, which has probably worked in the past in your relationship. When you respond to abrasive behaviour (in my opinion) you are giving him more fuel. Walk away and make sure the message gets through that you are walking away (if that is what you want to do). That is the only update his family needs to have.

He is probably trying to blackmail you into staying and not leaving by using the family "blackmail" technique? I maybe completely wrong here.

Tell him you will do your next talking to him in legal documents.

Get a lock and tell him no to do that again.