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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Custody arguments

11 replies

Mamaspegg · 25/05/2024 21:31

Hi all,

I'm going through a break up after an 8 year relationship (won't go into many details), and we have a 9 month old DS. He is in the process of buying me out on the mortgage and I have had my offer accepted on a house. We have tried and failed in the last 2 months to discuss arrangements for who has DS on what days. He has just started having seperation anxiety and wants to be near me 24/7,which I know won't last forever. My ex now thinks he can just go straight into 50/50 custody, and I've explained that DS is just 9 months old and that would be too much of a change for him. He's never had a night alone with the baby, and to go from that to expecting to have him half of the week in unreasonable in my opinion. I suggested maybe having him on his day off in the week and the weekends but still having the baby home to me for bed. Of course he hated that idea, so I said maybe one night a week and see how he goes. But now he's said he'll take me to court and I'm 'deluded' to think a judge won't grant him 50/50. We're going to be living a half hour drive away from eachother too, and I've said he can come and see him through the week etc I'm not by any means trying to stop him seeing DS at all. My ex has done nothing but put me down since having the baby and I can't deal with the extra stress from him as well as just starting back work full time and hopefully moving soon. It's a lot to deal with.

Sorry for the long post, just looking for advice here if anyone's gone to court for this or worked it out through mediation maybe. My DS is my whole world and I just want what's best for him.

OP posts:
ThisBlueCrab · 25/05/2024 21:36

Are you breastfeeding?

In my limited experience judge will rarely award 50/50 where children are under 12 months old or where they are EBF.

Keep doing what you are doing, keep it all written and always refer back to what is best for ds.

Starlightstarbright3 · 25/05/2024 21:37

No court will suggest 50/50 .

He isn’t thinking anything through . How will nursery and school work been 1 1/2 hours away ?

TeenLifeMum · 25/05/2024 21:39

You need to decide what you want and get legal advice. You are both equal parents so 50/50 is likely to happen sooner than you’d like but 9 months is very young. I’m surprised posters are saying no judge will order this. Maybe it’s changed but my friend had three dds and her ex got 50/50 when the youngest was 6 months. That was 15 years ago though.

DildoHarding · 25/05/2024 21:58

Surely if you're moving away you should do the travelling?

BookArt · 25/05/2024 22:38

I have a 5 year old and 2 year old. I was advised that as I was the main carer in our relationship that the status quo would continue as much as possible so dad wouldn't jump to 50/50 immediately but it would most likely be increased to that in the future. Breastfeeding will mean definitely not 50/50, and also being so young they won't do one week on, one week off.

If you can't agree then they suggest mediation. The waiting time for court is something like 54-82 weeks or something ridiculous. So do not set a precedent. Do not agree to any rota that little one can't manage, because if it has been in play at any point the judge will most likely agree.

Beautifulbythebay · 25/05/2024 22:44

Offer him a trial run of 2 overnights. Offer up nothing.. He can buy everything he will need as per a judge's expectation.. Send a list. Detailed. Ask him to let you know when he is sorted and you can decide what nights are best. U send not 1 nappy...

SonicTheHodgeheg · 25/05/2024 22:44

I think that yanbu to suggest one night a week and slowly increase.

When it gets to 50/50 make sure that you get every other weekend if you work weekdays so that you get some quality time with ds and that ex pays 50% of the nursery fees. He has to drop off and pick up from nursery and if it doesn’t match his working hours then he can’t expect you to help him out. What I mean is if nursery opens at 7:30 but he needs to be work at 7 then he can’t drop off ds at your house and expect you to do the drop off.

LordSnot · 25/05/2024 22:46

DildoHarding · 25/05/2024 21:58

Surely if you're moving away you should do the travelling?

30 minutes is hardly "moving away."

Starlightstarbright3 · 25/05/2024 22:55

Sorry re read its 30 mins away

Mamaspegg · 26/05/2024 00:42

ThisBlueCrab · 25/05/2024 21:36

Are you breastfeeding?

In my limited experience judge will rarely award 50/50 where children are under 12 months old or where they are EBF.

Keep doing what you are doing, keep it all written and always refer back to what is best for ds.

No not breastfeeding I stopped a few months back due to low supply. I will document everything, that's what I keep reminding him is that we just need to do what is best for DS. Hopefully it doesn't get to the point of court etc I don't want that for anyone. Thank you x

OP posts:
millymollymoomoo · 26/05/2024 10:09

1 or 2 nights a week with perhaps shorter visits in between is reasonable at this age with a plan to increase over time

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