Keeping my belongings

[BookArt]

So I moved out almost 4months ago with the two children and left the ex in the jointly owned home. I left slightly earlier than planned due to safety concerns, I couldn't stay the extra two days that was originally planned as his behaviour was so erratic. Two days later I went back to the house and emptied what I could in one hour in to my car.

I have given dates to discuss contents and to move out, he has refused them, the latest one was through our solicitors and he hasn't responded to the last email asking how he expects to sort contents.

I have now received an email saying he has moved all of my personal and sentimental belongings to what I always called the shack. It is a wooden garage size structure that has mice and is not weather proof. My belongings will be ruined in there and he knows this. I have said I can come and collect and will bring a third party to speed it up but also because I have health conditions(spine issue so lots of carrying is painful and the drive is really long so he knows I will struggle. Also because ex can not be trusted, he has broken things and raised his fist to me more than once.)

He has responded saying I am manipulating him and that he can't stop me but will call the police on the third party.

My solictor is on holiday until Friday. Any advice from you all?

I have considered having my third party stand at the bottom of the drive and passing them things, but it doesn't really help as I need a witness to what he says and does. The drive is probably 4 cars long and bushes in the way means it would be hard to see or hear anything even at the front door never mind in the house or shack.

He currently has supervised contact with the children in a public place and we have no interaction at all during these, he acts like I don't exist.

I don't understand. If you own 50% of the house you can literally do whatever you like, access it whenever you want to (polite to give notice), and take anyone you fancy.

I understand not wanting to inflame the situation, but for gods sake stop giving this oxygen! Go and take whatever you want (including the kids stuff) and then you never have to speak to him again. Everything from that point onwards can be done via a solicitor

Just rip the plaster off and stop prolonging the agony!

Agree with others, take more control OP. If you are always polite, always give advance notice and always take a witness, you will be able to come and go as you wish and I very much doubt that any charge of harassment would get anywhere. Go with a few people in a week or so and get everything you need including your kids bike.

Thanks for this! I am so busy feeling intimidated and doubting myself I am definitely giving him too much control.
I'm scared of being in the wrong legally now. I need to get my backbone back that I had pre the ex!

I do need to take back control. Thank you for your wise words and being straight to the point. I appreciate it.

I'll take the things the kids have requested, not like I'm getting rid of them. They can just live at mine while we discuss contents, rather than them sitting at his not being used.

Thank you!

Thank you for your advice. I took two friends last night, both he has met numerous times and said how lovely they are. I took one female and one male (male stayed outside sorting the van and carrying).
It didn't end well. He tried to refuse my female friend entry, I said she was coming in. He threatened the police but didn't call them. He refused me entry to just the shed. Then he grabbed me by the arm to try and get something out of my hand, then put both arms around my waste stopping me leaving the house, then blocked the door trying to get to me (male friend stood in between to stop him) blocking the way for my female friend to leave. I am speaking to the police

My question is, our son has an important appointment in a couple of days, both myself and ex were planning on attending. I'm so so worried that something like last night will happen in front of the children, his behaviour is escalating, he went from laughing on the phone to grabbing me. Are the police able to tell him to stay away from the appointment or do I need to have a solicitor do this? Or is he still allowed to come as it is about our child? Unfortunately my solicitor is on holiday until Friday so I am going to call the firm up and see if someone else is avaliable if needed. The children are with me full time.

The bonus is I got the bikes and two other things the kids wanted, and my belongings. They are extremely happy this morning. Silver lining.

Glad you got your belongings OP. I'm afraid that your ex will have a right to attend the meeting and unfortunately there's a risk that his behaviour continues to escalate. I don't think you can prevent him attending but am no expert

However people like this sometimes behave when in front of professional third parties (Dr, teachers etc) because they know the impact of it being witnessed by someone independent. Can you bring someone who can accompany you to the meeting ? Not be in the meeting but be there before and after?

I’d second taking a friend to the appointment. I’d also try to go tact whoever it’s with and explain about him!

Thank you for this, I assumed that was the case to be honest.

What is very good is that you have two witnesses to his assault on you last night (grabbing your waist) and you are reporting it to the police. I doubt his allegations of harassment will stick now. Keep on keeping on OP, hold your head up high, behave reasonably in the face of the provocation he is putting up, grey rock it when you can and you will be fine. So glad you got the things the kids wanted, you are taking back power, brilliant.

If he has attacked you and your friend then surely you will be able to get an order that means he can't come near you? At that point he won't be able to attend any appointments if you are in attendance. Check with the police as to whether you can apply

So similar but I collected everything in one lot, couldn't be bothered to go back and forth, took 3 family members, quietly loaded van and ignored exes verbal abuse and left. He also chose to not give anything of the kids back even there cots. 14 years later he still hasn't seen them or paid anything his loss

Police are considering options, either arrest or ask for a informal interview. To get the order for him to not be near me I need to report more/anything else that happens moving forward which I will definitely do.

I'm now refusing to do supervised contact with him. I won't put myself in that situation again, especially if the kids had to witness it.

Hospital appt- we didn't acknowledge each other, I took a family member with me. I was yellow rock, now I'm full on grey rocking. Thanks to this group for learning all about this.

I only intend to go back to the property to collect my 50% contents if it is ever agreed on. I will ask the police for support.