Making plans to separate, what should we consider

[AndSoToBed12]

Hi All,

I’m in desperate need of advice. My DH and I have lost our way, communication is awful and the relationship is breaking down. We’ve recently started marriage counselling to see if we can salvage things and we both want to make things work. But we feel being at home is like a presser cooker and our DS (7 and 6) are starting to pick up on things.

DH is arranging to go to his parents for a while which is close enough that he can do school pick ups twice a week when I am in the office. We want to try and keep things as “normal” for the children as possible whilst we figure this out.

After any advice going, what should we consider? What have people’s experiences been?

We have a few social situations we don’t know how to navigate, we have tickets to a comedy show at the weekend and booked a babysitter, should we still go and make the best of it? We are supposed to be hosting a champions league party, should we cancel?

I want to do whatever is going to give us the best chance of salvaging our marriage but I am also realistic in that this might actually be the beginning of the end :( wrongs have been done on both sides and it’s become very rotten.

It sounds like your split is relatively mutual? So hopefully you will be able to negotiate without bitterness.

I am in the exact same stage as you. Except my H doesn't want it. But communication breaking down is exactly it. We are either tense or just v flat. We were in counselling but he's now saying we can't afford it and I feel like, if I can't even persuade him to have counseling..

Anyway, in terms of practical stuff. I've been reading these threads for months and I would first sit down and work out the finances. Pension sizes. Equity in the house. Salaries. Debts. Savings. Do you think a 5050 split is fair and if so, could that house you both? Then thinking about kids- what would work for them?

If you can do it through mediation that will be cheaper than solicitors. But make sure you get the paperwork done by solicitor to ensure clean break.

We went to a few things together and hosted a party, went to family events etc. going on holiday this summer, well a wedding, new partners in town! You write your own rules