Unsure which direction to take. Help appreciated.

[sparkleywallpaper]

I am in my 60's (f) and other half is 70 (m) It's a 2nd marriage and all shared children are grown up and married.
Following a conversation today we have decided to go our own ways and divorce. He wishes to split amicably with no solicitors involved.
We share a house and mortgage is paid off. He has generous pensions plus his state pension. I have a very small private pension and await my state pension.
My question is .... should I get advice from a solicitor or trust him when he says a solicitor is not necessary?
I'm a little naive about all this but he is far more clued up than me.
So far we have remained friends but I fear animosity is just around the corner.
I feel very sad.

I'm afraid even if he was your best most trusted person before, he isn't now. Always take precautions.

Solicitors are not necessary if you are protective of yourself.

What I would suggest you need to do is look at the following:

Your projected monthly pension income, compare it to his and then ensure when splitting the equity from the property it is done in such a way as to ensure equality going forward.

I would not be accepting a 50/50 split on the house equity if there is a huge difference on the pensions.

If it does turn sour I would suggest mediation is a suitable midway between going it alone and solicitors.

I am sorry you are going through this.

Given that it's a second marriage and you don't have children together the complexity in the split will probably be based on who brought what to the marriage and how to separate you in a way that gives the assets back to the person they belonged to. That will include his pension provision; certainly don't expect a share of that if it was accrued before the marriage.

Solicitor 100%

The fact it's a second marriage is irrelevant; what matters is the length of the marriage, and generally speaking, five years or more tends to be regarded as a long marriage when it comes to splitting assets.

OP, no matter how amicable you think the divorce will be, you do need legal advice.

@Summerhillsquare @Bub1765 @FatfunandADHD @Monstermunch2 thank you for your replies. I have told him that 50/50 is probably unacceptable to me. He has hinted at giving me two thirds and a third for him. That sounds generous enough to suggest he has somebody else to welcome him with open arms.
She will need to convince him that it is normal to shower daily. I'm gutted but will not miss his lack of personal hygiene.

If that will mean you can have a comfortable enough life then maybe have a quick chat with a solicitor to check your comfortable, but not every divorce has to be dragged through the courts/ solicitors.

Good luck with everything, sounds like you might have had a lucky escape

@FatfunandADHD I hope one day I will feel like I've had a lucky escape.
I just can't express my sadness at the moment.

@DancingFerret thank you for your advice.

It gets better. A cliché, but time heals.

Solicitors aren’t always necessary and it is possible to organise without them

tou need to have a view what assets there are in order to do this. Do you have access to these ? Do you know what there is ?

why do you think 50:50 is not fair? At 70 it’s unlikely he can recoup losses in the way a much younger person could

Quite a lot of this is wrong. There will be significant pre-marital assets that will be ringfenced, there are no joint children and 5 years is never seen as a long marriage without children.

Both parties, not very long ago, will have been on a path to retirement. They will be put as closely back to those retirements. They will not reward one of the parties with a significant share of the other's assets from a short, childless marriage.

We still don't know the length of the marriage; even if it's a second marriage, it's entirely possible for them to have been married for 20 years. Too many assumptions without that basic information.

That said, the OP has since posted and said he has offered her two thirds, which sounds generous. Legal advice still required, I would think, if only to draw up the Financial Order.

You firstly have to make sure you know all the facts. For example have you seen his bank and building society statements recently?

Are there any apps on his phone that ate financial ones that could be hidden money?

Look at the payments coming in to his accounts. Is there anything there you are unaware of, perhaps another pension or a rental on a flat he owns that is managed totally by a company and you know nothing about it.

What did you bring to the marriage, half a house worth of capital and a small pension or nothing, or indeed an inheritance that paid for the whole house.

What did you accumulate during the marriage, if you stayed at home to look after him and his older kids you shouldn't be financially penalised that you have very little now. Your sacrifice shouldn't be overlooked.

Work out what you think is fair. And if that aligns with the offer he had made you that's great. If not some more bargaining is required. Either between the two of you or through legal channels.

You will have to get a lawyer involved at some point and he/she will tell you if what you want to do appears fair. And undertake the relevant paperwork.