Financial split impasse help

[Ladymayflower]

Hello all,
I'd love some advice or perspective. Currently splitting finances with stbxh (14 years married, separated last year, 2 DCs 10 and 12).
We have managed to remain relatively amicable and have split everything without solicitors.
We are however stuck on the matter of protecting money for our DCs future. We were given financial help from his family 10 years ago to purchase house, I have agreed that this amount plus significant inflation can be earmarked for the DCs. I suggested it’s released upon sale of house but he wants it into trust now for the DCs so I can’t “squander it or refuse to sell house”. This would require me to either take out a significant mortgage or deplete all my current savings. I’m unwilling to do either as that would hugely impact my financial stability (I work FT but earn a 1/4 of STBXH).
He has agreed we can pay into trust when they turn 18 but is now insisting the amount is then doubled (150k instead of £75k each). It’s a significant amount of money. I would not be able to save for that over the next 6 years, and it would mean I would not be able to live comfortably with my DCs at all. He was very financially controlling throughout the marriage and this just feels like another power move.

I will absolutely help the DCs as much as I can but I just cannot see how me committing to a huge amount in the (soon) future that would require a forced house sale or a mortgage is fair or reasonable and it would ultimately just impact me and DCs standard of living now. I keep saying I will agree to the original amount but he just keeps coming at me with counter arguments.

I think my only choice is to stand firm and maybe instruct solicitors but it just feels so frustrating because we had basically agreed and he then moved the goal post to something unachievable.

Would the court even get involved in future trusts for DCs?
If anyone has any clever ways to deal with this or perspective then I’d be mighty grateful as this is close to pushing me over the edge!!

The courts would not look to future provisions of the dc no unless there is any SEN which means they won’t ever be independent

the assets need splitting now in a way that is “fair’ now pricing for housing needs and living now. from there on you’re both free to invest and financially support your children into adulthood as you see fit

he’s basically trying to ringfence the money his parents gave to ensure it ends up with the dc. Now I can understand that in the sense of if you get remarried etc someone else could benefit from it but unless it was explicitly ringfenced ( doesn’t sound like it was) it forms part of the marital pot and will be divided up now along with other assets

if you’re lower earner your needs to the assets will be considered higher potentially

Is that money coming out before the split is applied? It reads as though it’s only being paid by you?

If you went to court it is likely this money will go into the marital pot and will be split between you. I would let him knkw if you can't come to an agreement you will need to go to the court and the likely outcome is it won't be ringfenced at all as it was given to you both without any form of ring fencing at all.

So the money is coming from house equity? When is the plan to sell the house? If you are getting the house but the equity to the kids you can change the ownership to the trust when you change the deeds following divorce

Thanks so much for your replies. No, money was not ring fenced back when we received it as gift towards deposit (we were already married and had both DCs at that point) so I'm certain court would view it as material pot. He knows this and it is why I think he is pushing so hard to get me to agree. I'm trying to be fair to his family money (ultimately this is for our DCs) so have agreed with the original amount plus extra to cover inflation (£75k each) but not the double amount as that to be does not represent the gift and current pot - and frankly I would not be able to fund a double amount without a mortgage or putting my life (and my DCs childhood ) on hold to save every single penny I had for the next 6 years. It's easier for him as he is a much higher earned and cohabiting with another high earner so have shared outgoes.

It could come from equity in house but he doesn't trust I'd ever sell the house then to release it so he wants me to either pay it now or agree to pay it in 6 years time.

The sticking point is this idea that the amount should double to enable us to give the DCs all the financial assurance HE seems appropriate, I will of course assist my DCs in any way shape or form I can. But not at the expense of them loosing the next 6 years to my financial stress and worry.

You cannot negotiate with an abuser.

Go to a solicitor and let them handle it, anything else is just madness.

He's trying to control you still, please get a clean break and follow legal advice.

Oh, and just as a clarity on the asset split: we are splitting everything 50/50 (before the ring fenced amount) but agreed that he will keep his pensions, shares and savings which amounts to the same as me keeping the house with all equity, my own (very tiny) pension and some savings.
I'm comfortable that we have split it all very fairly and equally.

He has already bought another house with OW but has a mortgage on that.
(Not sure if that's relevant at all.,.sorry)

You are very right and I think this is the only thing I can do. (This may be drip feeding which I am certainly not intending) but he has always been hyper focused on money and I see since we separated how incredibly financially controlling he was throughout our marriage (and continued to be throughout the separation). I'm certainly not clueless but he works in the financial industry and I've just allowed him to run the finances. Much to my regret now as I'm 100% certain that this latest issue is just another way for him to try and continue to control me financially into the future!

Putting aside money for your children's future is on the face of it a laudable thing to do, but this is absolute madness. These are huge sums of money and this plan is absolutely not something you can commit to at the expense of your own financial security. Honestly, I wouldn't even be agreeing to the general concept, let alone all the inflation and doubling it and whatnot. 18 year olds do not need £150k. I very much agree with the suggestion of getting legal advice about this because the fact that it seemed like a reasonable idea to agree to any of this makes me concerned that the division of assets you've agreed may not be as fair as you're perceiving it as being.

He's definitely trying to trick you out of what you are owed OP.

The 50/50 split needs to include his pensions and shares and savings AND the new property he has with the OW, they are all assets within the marriage.

Honestly, you need to refuse to speak to him about the finances anymore and just let your solicitor deal with it. He's only been liaising with you directly because he knows that a solicitor would laugh at his offer, as in reality it's probably nearer 80-90% in his favour 🙄

You get one shot at coming out of the marriage with an equal and fair split of assets, so don't let him trick you out of what is rightfully yours (& will give your kids a decent standard of living).