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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Harassment. Please help.

17 replies

PaperRhino · 13/05/2024 14:35

Please can someone point me in the right direction to get help or advice? I’ve spent all day trying to speak to Citizens Advice and Women’s Aid but to no avail

My narcissistic ex and I divorced months ago after an aggressive and ruinously expensive court case where he made ridiculous demands. The stress made me so ill I threw up before the hearing and was shaking (he was extremely emotionally abusive throughout the marriage)
and I have no resources to fall back on now as spent so much money defending myself. We haven’t spoken except via solicitors for 2 years.

I agreed to sell the house I bought and paid for with my own money and which is in my sole name as it was the family home so in scope. He has a flat he inherited so has no mortgage and he took half my pension. I was then made redundant - and I think this is partly due to mental health discrimination as I had to take time off with stress prior to the hearing. So I’ve had no luck lately

The house is almost on the market but when I had some decorating done we discovered damp and a roof leak and this put the process back some weeks (and cost me a fortune). I’ve documented this to the estate agent with frequent updates.

It is also a large, old house with 3 generations of junk in it and as a single mum who until recently worked full time it’s taken me a while to clear it for sale. I need to get a good price for it because I’m unemployed and in my 50s and would not get a mortgage and can’t list for sale this week as it’s full of rubble and ladders and paint as my decorator had to stand down while the walls dried out but is coming to finish this week. I need somewhere to live and to put up my kids in University holidays (they have never stayed at their dad’s house since he left us and he doesn’t speak to DS)

However my ex has been sending incredibly aggressive letters via his solicitor threatening to take me back to court and have me excluded from my home because of the delays. My estate agent has tried to explain I’m doing all I can to expedite matters (which I am as I just want this to be over) but says this behaviour from them is unprecedented and he’s never experienced another party being so aggressive and lacking in compassion.

I am on massive doses of antidepressants and worried about harming myself and can’t get the estate agent or my old solicitor to even call me back today. Please can anyone suggest a helpline that isn’t just permanently engaged as I need to talk to someone desperately. I really want to get the house sold as soon as possible and pay him off but I’m worried that even then he will continue to harass me on some pretext. I can’t ever see an end to it.

OP posts:
Wastinmylifeaway · 13/05/2024 15:28

Take a huge breather - sit for 10 mins, and then the 10 mins after that. Just breathing.

X

QueenBakingBee · 13/05/2024 15:28

call Samaritans sweetheart. It sounds like what you need is someone, anyone, who will listen and understand. You can then pick yourself up again tomorrow to go again. You can do this. x

Wastinmylifeaway · 13/05/2024 15:30

Do you have a Financial Order from the court? The court will not allow you to be made homeless, never mind just cos he's got his knickers in a twist.

PaperRhino · 13/05/2024 15:35

I do have a Financial Order which says I have to sell the house. There have been delays but I’ve sorted them now but he wants sole control of sale so he can lowball me so I have nothing I can afford elsewhere

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VestPantsandSocks · 13/05/2024 15:38

Sending you hugs!

Deep breath, you can beat him and this 🤗

AdoraBell · 13/05/2024 15:40

I would tell your solicitor to tell the ex his aggressive behaviour is harassment and to stop.

Wastinmylifeaway · 13/05/2024 15:46

Would your redundancy be considered significant enough change in circumstance? You cannot change the amount / percentage awarded to each party, but you can look to alter other terms perhaps, like timing. You could look to get your solicitor to send an anti-molestation warning letter to him. It helps record the abuse / harassment.

LemonTT · 13/05/2024 16:02

The letter from his solicitor is a statement of their intention to return to court if the house sale isn’t progressing. That will take time just like a house sale can take time. It is anyone’s guess on what will happen first. But if you have the house on the market at a reasonable price, have allowed viewings and been willing to accept reasonable offers, then a judge isn’t going to want to interfere.

If you are providing updates of progress to his solicitor then I image they will probably steer him off court involvement. However they will always have this option open to them if they think you are not trying to sell.

PaperRhino · 13/05/2024 20:10

AdoraBell · 13/05/2024 15:40

I would tell your solicitor to tell the ex his aggressive behaviour is harassment and to stop.

I’ve asked this but she says legally he can pursue me through the courts even if the tone is very threatening and nasty. His lawyer is extremely aggressive and encourages him probably to drag it out and keep the fees rolling in. I do feel harassed and bullied but unless he comes round and breaks my nose nobody will do anything

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PaperRhino · 13/05/2024 20:13

LemonTT · 13/05/2024 16:02

The letter from his solicitor is a statement of their intention to return to court if the house sale isn’t progressing. That will take time just like a house sale can take time. It is anyone’s guess on what will happen first. But if you have the house on the market at a reasonable price, have allowed viewings and been willing to accept reasonable offers, then a judge isn’t going to want to interfere.

If you are providing updates of progress to his solicitor then I image they will probably steer him off court involvement. However they will always have this option open to them if they think you are not trying to sell.

I’ve provided plenty of evidence but this is as much about bullying me and intimidating me as it is about the house. We still live in the same area and I’ve heard the things he says about me - he tells anyone who will listen how much he hates me.

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PaperRhino · 13/05/2024 20:14

Wastinmylifeaway · 13/05/2024 15:46

Would your redundancy be considered significant enough change in circumstance? You cannot change the amount / percentage awarded to each party, but you can look to alter other terms perhaps, like timing. You could look to get your solicitor to send an anti-molestation warning letter to him. It helps record the abuse / harassment.

No my redundancy pay was crap!

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b0zza1 · 13/05/2024 21:01

I have been through something similar, though not as severe. Gingerbread helpline are good and so you could try that tomorrow. Also is it Women's Aid who provide the local offer for DA? There might be a different organisation who can support you locally. (They would then be easier to get through to on the phone). Call your GP and ask.

b0zza1 · 13/05/2024 21:03

With the time it takes to get a hearing listed I would have thought you would be far enough along for the court to see you a serious about the sale. What an awful bully he is.

b0zza1 · 13/05/2024 21:04

Rights of Women helpline is good, but you need to keep calling on repeat . (I did this 1 minute before their opening time and got through).

b0zza1 · 13/05/2024 21:11

Not sure if Financial Support Line which SEA runs in partnership with Money Advice Plus could help you. But you could call to find out. This is a helpline especially for victim-survivors of domestic abuse. you can call or text 0808 196 8845 (9am–5pm Monday to Thursday).
survivingeconomicabuse.org/what-we-do/financial-support-line/

PaperRhino · 14/05/2024 00:16

Thank you all for your replies. Really appreciate it. I will try the other helplines tomorrow. My GP was supposed to be referring me to Citizens Advice etc and for counselling but nothing happened - imagine I’m in a queue in the system

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PaperRhino · 14/05/2024 00:22

I just think he is never ever going to stop harassing me as long as I live. And nobody seems to be able to help. When I move I’m leaving the area and have told DD she must never reveal my address or even which area I live in to him. Eventually I hope to move abroad. He casts a massive shadow over my life and yet when we were together I worked full time and paid for everything and he earned next to nothing as thought he was too good to do a normal job. I do believe he’s mentally ill at some level but it doesn’t help me

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