Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Husband left when 2nd born was 3 weeks

12 replies

amcc1 · 12/05/2024 01:22

long post but kinda just brief of what I’m going through
so when I was 34 weeks pregnant with our second baby, my husband decided he needed space.. he took a few days away which broke me but he came back saying how much he loved us. I then had our 2nd baby on Valentine’s Day.. we were delighted and so happy as I thought we had been anyway..
when he was 3 weeks old my husband came home from work after texting me saying how much he loved me and told me he wasn’t happy.. now I know I was super harmonal this pregnancy and hard to handle at times with my mood swings but I was fully aware of this. I was insecure, panicked he was gunna leave us and felt he wanted to work more than be with his family which ofc made me react in all sorts of ways.
he decided to say we were two different people and going out separate ways and this had been goi g on from before our first born which confused the fuck outta me since at that stage (when the wee man was born) she was a year and 3 months old.
ofc I was devastated..
he left two nights before my birthday (the day before Mother’s Day UK) and I text him the next day asking him to look after the dogs and when he said yes why I said I wouldn’t be in the house (which his parents owned)
he then said he wanted to see the kids the next day (my birthday) and I said I’d stay that night then go to my mums for a bit..
he told me on my birthday he had checked out from our relationship etc so I was gutted. Went to my mums to which the whole weekend of my birthday and Mother’s Day was ruined.
I went to the house on the Wednesday due to a health visitor coming and after she left I tried talking to him to which he replied he had “check out and didn’t ever see us being together again”
I kept fighting…
a few days later he told me he was just happy to see the kids and when I asked was this relationship over he said “yes this is what I’ve been trying to say”
he then took our three week old and young child overnight for the first time away from me(which I had agreed to) which I sobbed for 7 hours straight.. I have been fighting for 9 weeks now and today I asked what was happening as I dunno if I’m coming or going g and he said he didn’t know. I said how I’m here 9 weeks later after him ending it and how any other woman probs wouldn’t be and he was saying how I’m being negative and throwing it back on him. I’m trying to keep this short but my mind is so fucked atm I don’t n owning I’m coming or going. Not one of his family have contacted me and me and him have been together 11 years and married almost 7… his response was “none of your family contacted me” but am I not right in thinking because he ended it without a valid reason that ofc my family wouldn’t contact him? He left me and our two young babies.
I lived with my mum for 6 weeks and when I asked him what was happening cause I didn’t wanna rent a house unless it was over he said “you do what you gotta do”
so after 6 weeks I had to for stability for my babies but he says I rushed into it. I just wanna hear some opinions as I’m at a loss tonight and hate myself and feel
so low.

OP posts:
Yummymummy2020 · 12/05/2024 01:29

That is just dreadful. You poor thing. How on earth someone can be so cruel I do not know. I’m glad though you were able to get support from your mum. Op, I know the timing is shit and you won’t want to hear it, but maybe you are better off without him. I don’t see how you could be anything else but low in this situation. You need to be so kind to yourself and surround yourself with any support you can to get through the next while. But I would think long and hard before letting him back. Could this be some kind of mental illness with him or do you think there is someone else??? Awful behaviour no matter what though. You must be worn to a frazzle.

margegunderson · 12/05/2024 01:36

He's an idiot and dodging responsibility. He has literally left you holding the baby. Maybe suggest couples counselling but random internet stranger here thinks you shouldn't beat yourself up unless your hormones meant you were screaming at him from dawn to dusk. If he wants to make a go of it (does he?) suggest a dr check for depression then couples counselling but otherwise get yourself a good divorce lawyer and don't look back. Hugs.

FiatEarth · 12/05/2024 01:37

The relationship is over.

It's seems horrendous that he went on to have two children with you after saying he had wanted to end the relationship before the birth of the first child.

But he has ended the relationship. You could never trust him again.

He does seem willing to have the children and see them regularly so that's what you both must now work on, what's best for the children.

It's a trying and distressing time but once the finances and living arrangements are sorted out and the dust settles you will feel better.

BetsyBobbin · 12/05/2024 01:39

I once read something that makes a lot of sense after I stopped to think it through: men rather live with a woman they don't love anymore just because they don't want to lose the benefits of having everything done for them at home as they're comfortable there. If they leave, it's because there's another woman on the scene.

I don't think you need further heartbreak but I'd do a bit of digging anyway.

Sorry he did that to you and your kids, you deserve better ❤️

Original poster
amcc1 · 12/05/2024 01:40

So he has said he hasn’t been himself for a long time to which I’ve only learnt after this all happened (9 weeks ago)
today I asked him what was happening with us when he brought the kids back as we have been having nice hugs etc and he said he didn’t know and he said he was confused as he seen me not wear my rings for two days .. now two days out of the whole time we have been married and the 9 weeks this has been going on is nothing.. he has refused to wear his rings the whole 9 weeks and before this all started as “he forgot”
so when I tell him he can’t say anything he said I’m just being negative and not listening to him. I was listening but I asked him at the start of this could he still wear his rings while we figure out what was going on and he said no. I said how I’m still here 9 weeks later fighting when most women would have walked away considering he ended it and he was all “here you go again, blaming me”
like hello yesss you told me three times it was done. But I love him and still want this to work. But how can I also get over the fact his family have completely forgot about me. They call and see the kids lore now than ever and that hurts so bad

OP posts:
Original poster
amcc1 · 12/05/2024 01:45

margegunderson · 12/05/2024 01:36

He's an idiot and dodging responsibility. He has literally left you holding the baby. Maybe suggest couples counselling but random internet stranger here thinks you shouldn't beat yourself up unless your hormones meant you were screaming at him from dawn to dusk. If he wants to make a go of it (does he?) suggest a dr check for depression then couples counselling but otherwise get yourself a good divorce lawyer and don't look back. Hugs.

Thank you. I have blamed myself so bad and I know at times I’ve been in the wrong but not enough to think the marriage would end. I suggested couples counselling to which he has said no at this time. I don’t think he understands how bad he could have affected my bond with our baby and how I could have developed postpartum depression too. And he ruined my birthday and Mother’s Day with my now two beautiful babies. I also have a business I run from that house which is atm over also so I’m gutted

OP posts:
Original poster
amcc1 · 12/05/2024 01:47

margegunderson · 12/05/2024 01:36

He's an idiot and dodging responsibility. He has literally left you holding the baby. Maybe suggest couples counselling but random internet stranger here thinks you shouldn't beat yourself up unless your hormones meant you were screaming at him from dawn to dusk. If he wants to make a go of it (does he?) suggest a dr check for depression then couples counselling but otherwise get yourself a good divorce lawyer and don't look back. Hugs.

I replied below but hadn’t tagged x

OP posts:
Original poster
amcc1 · 12/05/2024 01:49

Yummymummy2020 · 12/05/2024 01:29

That is just dreadful. You poor thing. How on earth someone can be so cruel I do not know. I’m glad though you were able to get support from your mum. Op, I know the timing is shit and you won’t want to hear it, but maybe you are better off without him. I don’t see how you could be anything else but low in this situation. You need to be so kind to yourself and surround yourself with any support you can to get through the next while. But I would think long and hard before letting him back. Could this be some kind of mental illness with him or do you think there is someone else??? Awful behaviour no matter what though. You must be worn to a frazzle.

I replied below but hadn’t tagged then I tagged wrong person 🙈

OP posts:
Original poster
amcc1 · 12/05/2024 01:50

BetsyBobbin · 12/05/2024 01:39

I once read something that makes a lot of sense after I stopped to think it through: men rather live with a woman they don't love anymore just because they don't want to lose the benefits of having everything done for them at home as they're comfortable there. If they leave, it's because there's another woman on the scene.

I don't think you need further heartbreak but I'd do a bit of digging anyway.

Sorry he did that to you and your kids, you deserve better ❤️

I wondered this too tbh after I felt his confidence grew in his new job but I honestly dunno! There is one girl I’m not comfortable with and when I pointed this out to him before he said I was being silly so I really dunno

OP posts:
Original poster
amcc1 · 12/05/2024 01:51

FiatEarth · 12/05/2024 01:37

The relationship is over.

It's seems horrendous that he went on to have two children with you after saying he had wanted to end the relationship before the birth of the first child.

But he has ended the relationship. You could never trust him again.

He does seem willing to have the children and see them regularly so that's what you both must now work on, what's best for the children.

It's a trying and distressing time but once the finances and living arrangements are sorted out and the dust settles you will feel better.

There is so much hurt on my side but he can’t seem to see that or let me even talk about it without getting annoyed so I honestly don’t know how we could even move past it but I love him so much

OP posts:
Ratfan24 · 12/05/2024 01:52

Personally I think you should take him at his word. He walked out when the baby was only 3 weeks old and is just messing you around. He's not to be relied on. To be honest I wouldn't have allowed him to take such a young baby overnight.

OzziePopPop · 12/05/2024 02:58

You might want to look up ‘the script’ as he’s following it sadly, including ‘rewriting history’

I’m really sorry OP 💐

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread