My marriage is basically an empty shell, and I think we've been in denial for a long time. We have 3 kids, youngest is 4, and I think for a while I thought it was just a case of busy lives but it's not. We want different things, he wants to move to where he is originally from (100s of miles from where we are now) and I don't as while he's a good father and a decent man we are just housemates, and I realise that I am not willing to move for him as I would then be totally reliant on him for my happiness and I don't think he can make me happy anymore. The main thing is that the intimacy has gone (not just sex, we v rarely even touch) he resents me for the fact we live miles away from where he wants to be & my family are within 45mins of us and I have made a lot of friends here since having the kids, but he hasn't. In hindsight we should have moved 10years ago when he was first saying he was unhappy, but we didn't as he didn't do anything about it, just complained, and I genuinely didn't realise how important it was to him as he never DID anything about it and I wasn't the one who wanted to move so I didn't... but instead of him accepting this is where our lives are, it's become this thing that has festered and now we seem too far down the path of resentment to come back. I've realised that there are things that I am starting to dislike about him - not big things, but little irritations and I know it's cause I'm frustrated we find ourselves here.
Thing is - we v v rarely argue and I'm sure the kids have no idea how bad things are as like I say we have busy lives so they probably just think this is what family life should be like. My eldest is 10 and sensitive but emotionally slightly immature, and I know even the idea of us splitting would be awful for him... I think the younger 2 would cope better as they just seem more adaptable, but who knows.
I just don't know what to do or how. We are lucky to have a good sized house, but that means there's no way i could stay in the house if we split up, but we'd probably be able to get 2 smaller houses but at the moment I work part time as I do all school runs etc and I don't see how I could do more hours (there is no afterschool club) but I therefore don't earn much, so even if we could afford a house, I don't know if I could afford the bills by myself.. and just the practicalities of my eldest having some clubs late in the evening when the youngest needs to be going to bed... I don't know how to do this practically. I don't think I can stay in a lifeless marriage just cause of the practicalities or cause the kids would be upset, then again I'm sure plenty people do...am I being selfish even considering it? The kids lives will be turned upside down and for what... cause mummy can't cope with being with someone who won't give her a cuddle? He's not abusive, he's not unkind, he just clearly doesn't love me anymore and I'm not sure I love him either now as I feel so empty tbh.
Sorry this is a rambling rant, and I'm not sure of the point, but I read on here all the time about 'you need to leave' if you just aren't happy anymore and that 'the kids need to know what a good marriage looks like' etc, but if they are blissfully unaware that it could be any other way, is it unfair to blow things up for them? 😢