Child access

[user1495054098]

My kids dad took me to court for access, we have an order in place for every other weekend, and half of all school holidays including 3 consecutive weeks in the summer..(kids are 10 and 14 but order has been in place since 2020 when they were too young for the court to listen to their opinion) for context he lives 100 miles away from us so they can't see any friends while there, he is the one that moved away.
Last year he took them out for one single day and did nothing with them the other 3 weeks so my 14 year old son has now text him and said he won't be going this year, apart from the normal weekends as he has plans with his friends. Dad has said tough. What are our options? I know if I don't make them available I will get in trouble but what if it's the kids refusing to go?

Had a situation here. I believe they can chose after the age of 13.

Sadly, this will become a conflict between you and the dad and your teenager is precisely the age where they push back on control and the son/father relationship takes a knock. He also shouldn’t be “making plans” with his friends. What plans? Nope.

Unfortunately, it is the dad’s responsibility to form a relationship with his children and it’s not fair that you are left in the middle. They need to hash this out between them. Even if it goes against every fibre in your body explain to your son and his dad (preferably both of them at the same time face to face as they get into his car to go there for a weekend, not email and text) and make it clear that you refuse to be the go between and making sure everyone is happy and that the two of them have two months to sort it out and make plans for their summer weeks together. You are not the personal assistant to everyone in the family and they need to talk to eachother instead of expecting mummy to wipe their bums. Outline what your son’s concerns are as part of this and say perhaps they can discuss things they’d like to do together. Then go back in your house and let them sort it out.

Thanks Josie...that would be the ideal resolution however my ex husband is impossible to speak to. Noone can tell him anything, he knows it all and you can't have a reasonable conversation with him at all so that's why im at a loss
My son doesn't have plans he's just told his dad that as he so badly doesn't want to go. He has no relationship with his dad, he makes absolutely no effort with either child and actually generally isn't even at home when they are here for the weekends, I'm pretty sure he just takes them to make sure he only has to pay the every other weekend band of child support as he's constantly filing variations with them to try and get it lowered.
Thanks though, it looks like we might just have to go back to court which I was hoping to avoid