X breaching court order

[fucknuggetsandchips]

We have a well established court order (5 years old) for the DC contact arrangements.

XH is refusing to collect the children during the holidays from my house. During term time he collects and returns them to school. During the holidays he is meant to collect from my house & return to my house. The word of the order state “the collecting parent to arrange transport”.

This came to light at the Easter holidays when he failed with no prior warning to collect the DC. A simple text saying he wouldn’t come and get them any more. He Said I could drop them off (he lives an hour away). I have younger DC and work full time. I had arranged my leave and childcare around the court order and agreed contact so this is really throwing me financially and with time. I will for the sake of the DC do the journey but I have to take younger dc with me on the journey (my husband works away midweek).

I’ve looked at taking the issue back to court for an enforcement of the order. It’s been scheduled for a hearing but I’m wondering what’s likely to happen.

I know you feel obliged to do the journey for the dc's sake, but as he feels no such obligation, you really shouldn't. Unless there's a very good reason he can no longer travel - ill health etc - that tbh in your shoes i wouldn't take them. He's yanking your chain, OP

Don't take them and tell him unless he complies with order then you'll put in for a change to CMS to reflect changes to child arrangements!

@airforsharon I did it in the Easter holidays because otherwise DC won’t see him for nearly 3 weeks which upset DD.

Plus selfishly on my part - I had booked my younger ones into nursery and I was working that half of the holidays as older DC not meant to be here. Too late to book them into a holiday club at that point.

@Anameisaname i worked out it’s not enough nights difference into the next bracket for CMS to even consider it. Unfortunately.

You can take it back to court to enforce the order but ultimately you can't physically make him unfortunately. You can only make them available for contact - that doesn't mean doing the transport as the expectations of this are clearly in the order - but honestly I wouldn't be doing all the donkey work, he is equally their parent. I get it's hard because you don't want to let your children down but if their father knows you will simply do it when he refuses then of course he is going to use this to control the situation and shirk his responsibilities.

@Anameisaname and as there’s a court order that’s all the evidence CMS want. So if he’s not having them they don’t care. There’s an order in place and that’s what it’s calculated from

I don't think you can enforce the order for him to have them, only to get access to them.

If he refuses though you could get the arrangement changed so he doesn't have them for that time so you can put proper childcare in place.

Ah right yeah I see the point.
I think then all you can do is either disappoint DC by not taking them and making them clear who is responsible ie "Daddy hasnt come to pick you up and thats his job" and then arrange calls "let'sask him why he couldnt come" (by phone or facetime) so they can ask him themselves.
Horrible but you can't fix it forever by driving around

If the kids live with you then the order is against you and he can act as he is with no repercussions. My ex does this and I can do nothing about it. You have to decide if facilitating the contact is worth it for your kids. If you don't do the drive and he takes you back to court you will be fine as it's him not following it

This infuriates me about CMS! My ex even said in court he needed more contact to reduce his maintenance. He got what he wanted gave the order to CMS and then doesn't bother having them half the time. I sent all the evidence he cancels to CMS and they don't care. You have to take it back to court but the court won't reduce the contact based on maintenance as they are concerned with "what's best for the father cough children"

Im applying to the court for an enforcement and if he doesn’t comply then hopefully the order will be changed and I can take that to CMS. Not had any experience of enforcement proceedings though and feels very daunting self representing and not knowing the process.

Keep it factual OP. Make sure you've logged everything with screenshot of messages etc
Just be as dispassionate as possible.

• court order says parent to collect
• parent sent text message on xx date saying would not collect
• my DC was upset to miss contact
• I drove DC to parent house on xx, yy, ZZ dates and collected
• this had the following impact: I had to reduce my work.hours on these days (or whatever)

Try not to focus on emotional stuff or the fact he is pissing you off. Just focus on the fact that it means you either have to reduce your income by going part time during school holidays (even if this is not quite true you can say that your only option is to take unpaid parental leave to loom after DC) or you have to pay for holiday club
Say that you just want clarity as if you know then you can plan accordingly
Emphasise you are not stopping contact but just want to have court order enforced or changed if it no longer suits exh

Write it all down in advance and stick to your script. They will be understanding of you and that you are not a lawyer so don't worry