What does "needing space" really mean?

[MorrisR]

A month ago my wife of 20 years came home and said she had been thinking, had not been happy for a while and needed some space to decide what she wanted to do.

She moved out and last week decided she didn't want to be with me any more and that she loved me but was not in love with me.

She told our daughters (19 and 23) last week and has found another place to live temporarily.

I'm a mess even after a month as I had no warning and she refuses to speak to me about it, I've suggested therapy but she thinks that's pointless.

I'm trying to be as supportive as I can be, and reinforce to her she needs to think things through and decide what makes her happy as an individual.

I'm struggling to find a way forward, including having anxiety when thinking about going out and meeting people, I haven't left the house apart from work or food shopping since then. I can't get anything from her and was wondering if anyone has been through something similar and could offer some advice?

In this case it sounds like it means she’s too much of a coward to rip the band aid off and tell you she wants a divorce. Instead she (wrongly) either thinks it’s kinder to slowly proceed to divorce (which it isn’t as it gives you false hope) or doesn’t want to appear to be the ‘bad guy’ to friends and family.

I’m sorry.

When my DH said this it meant ‘I’ve moved in with Stephanie (not real name) but i don’t want everyone no I’m an arsehole’. But I think in many cases they just no it’s over, but it’s hard articulating that and making themselves be the bad guy, particularly if it seems sudden. Sorry OP, it’s an awful time.

Do you have any support around you? Any friends or family you can talk to in real life? If not, think about getting a counsellor or calling the samaritains to help you. I appreciate this must have been a massive shock and you will need support to process your feelings.
I have no real life experience of this but hope you get through this and send you my deepest condolences.

Honestly? I would take it that she's met someone else.
It's hard - having been in the situation of my 'd'h suddenly dumping something on me he'd obviously been thinking about for some time, i know it takes effort to process. And it does sound like she's been considering this for a while as she's moved on with ninja like efficiency, while you're now playing catch up. Give yourself time to catch your breath.