Hi, I'm going to try and get in as much information as possible because I need advice!
so im a mother of 4, in 2022 my mental health took a very bad turn I was hospitalised a couple of times, social services were involved as safeguarding was done by the hospital after an overdose and a family support worker was assigned to us, the older children made disclosures to SS about their dad shouting and swearing at them before I was hospitalised and when that happened the focus was on me not being safe around the children.
When I was discharged from hospital I was discharged into the care of my parents so myself and the kids dad split up and it was put in place by the family support worker that I could not have the children alone for that time being. During my illness I did suffer from psychosis and had intrusive thought surrounding the children coming to harm whilst in my care. So I do understand why I wasn't allowed to be alone with the children. I was put on new medication, received intensive therapy and have been stable for almost 10 months now.
I got my own place and in July of 2023 our case was closed and the family support worker said that when the children's dad felt comfortable I would be allowed the children alone again. This happened from August and I've recently increased the amount of time the children spend with me. Nothing legal was ever put in place both myself and the children's father both have parental responsibility.
my issue now is the state of the house they live in with their father, it is extremely unclean to the point where people won't visit anymore as it's so dirty, the house smells of urine, the sink drainer has stagnant water sitting in it, the bathroom is in my opinion unusable the toilet is very very dirty. The children's bedding rarely gets changed there's mouldy food in their rooms, mould thick around the windows. The two that spend the most time there have constant runny noses and have had a cough for a considerable amount of time now.
the children's school Clothes are always clean and far as school are concerned the children are always well presented and clean. I have been into school 3 times to voice my concerns and suggested it’s a safeguarding concern but as far as they’re concerned as they haven’t seen the house and the children haven’t said anything they cannot do a thing!
I spoke to him a week ago and voiced my concerns regarding the house he has made a start and a slight improvement but it’s not clean, he needs professional cleaners in but refused to do that.
Along with the children saying he shouts and swears at them, there is little interaction between him and the children they spend oat of their time on their iPads and their dad on his phone, I believe my middle daughter is being emotionally neglected she’s showing signs of anxiety, she takes on the role of the younger ones mother when they’re at their dads, she’s angry has outbursts and is very clingy to myself and my mum.
I do believe they’re being neglected and only having certain needs met (being fed, clothed and taken to school)
my worry is that im now concerned for the children's health and if he doesn't get the house up to a safe standard I would like the children to live with me full time. However im concerned if he refuses then I will have a battle on my hands and he can use my mental health history against me.
im basically looking for advice on where I'd stand if he doesn't sort the house out and also refuses me having them full time?
I just want what is best for my children. I know this is long as I wanted to make sure all the info was there.