Finances after split - your thoughts

[Sparklenote]

Hi all,

I posted a thread recently about my partner deciding to leave myself and our baby. He had a breakdown, an affair, and decided family life is not his thing. So, he’s moved out and currently staying with a friend.

I need your opinions here in terms of financials and what’s fair. I know it’s probably subjective but I have no ballpark to start from!

He’s still paying half mortgage and bills. What’s fair to ask in terms for child maintenance given this? I suppose it would just be food and clothes however I’ve been left doing majority of childcare now as he can’t have baby to stay due to living arrangements so just ‘pops in’ currently.

I will be moving soon to a new house. He will continue to contribute to mortgage for his share of equity and I will cover the interest. He will need to rent somewhere himself. I don’t think this will work financially so can’t see him being able to contribute anything in terms of child maintenance to me on top of this.

What do/would other folks decide in this scenario?

It’s difficult as we don’t know his income

he may simply not be able to afford mortgage, bills, rent, cms and yes I hear people shout well he should have thought of that but that does t help

are you planning on selling the house?
are you claiming everything you can if you are entitled to ?

often people simply remain living together as the only option while separating.

@millymollymoomoo yes exactly… if it’s just not financially feasible then what choice is there. He’d never consider a second job!

He won’t stay living with me as wants his independent lifestyle to start now and couldn’t hack family life which is why he left, which puts us in a tricky situation financially. Part of me thinks why should I be worse off because of this, but if he doesn’t earn a lot what can I reasonably ask.

@millymollymoomoo once moved I will be able to claim UC for childcare and can cover my portion of the mortgage with my salary and just about break even each month. Then, I will look to downsize and reduce mortgage later on.

Have you tried an online child maintenance calculator ? CMS is a percentage of his income.

Work it out in here

https://www.gov.uk/calculate-child-maintenance

Hang on, if he pays half the mortgage will he expect half the equity years down the line? Because that's just him investing in/protecting his interest in a property, not maintenance to you to bring up his child. It might be a short term solution but longer term, you want him to be giving you maintenace and you use that to pay your own mortgage.

You really need legal advice. See a few solicitors, don't just settle for the first one you meet. The first one I met said I'd have to leave the family home and split half/half with ex. The second solicitor looked at my and DCs needs and I ended up with a fairer settlement (in my view!).

I remortgaged on my own and found a bank that would count child maintenance as income. We had to get somethjng signed to confirm the maintenance arrangement and I showed evidence he'd been paying it into my account every month.

Yes I did, that’s what brought me here as I know there’s no way he could afford that amount unfortunately (I’ve always done all our finances etc. he’s clueless). I imagine other people are in the same position and wonder what they’ve agreed?

@CountSeb really helpful advice thank you. Yes, he is protecting his own interests short term (will sell within 1-2 years and I will get my own place). Right now I’m thinking it’s fair if I pay the mortgage interest and he pays private rent somewhere. I know I’m then paying more for mortgage but otherwise he can’t afford anywhere and I’d rather be practical than vindictive about this.

I think I will need to ask for child maintenance otherwise I’m supporting our baby all by myself basically.

I think many people accept payment of mortgage bills in lieu of cms until things are sorted , or an informal agreement of some sort

you could put a claim in to cms, then he might stop paying his share of mortgage ( and contrary to on here on he doesn’t have to pay to protect his share, and you run risk of default)

which is higher ? Cms or mortgage and bills ?

So he's paying half mortgage to protect his own half interest in the house. Fine.

But he doesn't need to pay bills too. He just needs to pay whatever the child maintenance is in lieu.

Once he's off the mortgage, he only needs to pay child maintenance.

@arethereanyleftatall no not half mortgage. Only his half of the equity (essentially putting money in his own pocket). I would cover the rest of the mortgage (my equity and all the interest) as well as all bills. So, the ONLY thing he pays is his share of equity.

Now I’m writing it out it doesn’t seem fair as I am paying for most of mortgage, all bills, and everything for our baby as well.

Is he paying rent elsewhere yet?

If you're ok to share, I think we need to see numbers to see what is fair. How much does CMS say he needs to pay for maintenance? How much does he pay for mortgage?

If the CMS payment would cover (or come close to covering) the mortgage, one way forward could be an agreement on the following lines-

He pays you maintenance
You pay mortgage
When you sell, you split the equity in half (assuming you each own 50%) after you've deducted selling costs (agent fees).

From now onwards, any payments you make towards the equity or urgent house maintenance (e.g. boiler needs repair) are recorded. He gives you half of these costs from his portion of the remaining equity.