Child maintenance dishonesty.

[wildlingtribe]

CSA have decided that there isn't any entitlement for payment towards my children.

My children's father has declared that he doesn't have income when I know full well he does. He can also afford flash cars, luxurious holidays and days out. Hasn't paid towards the children in 4 years.

Nice way to blame the mothers for the father's shitty behaviour.
No one "picks" a deadbeat dad, they choose to become them. It is their actions/inaction that cause child poverty figures in this country to be so high.

It's just completely unreasonable.

He honestly believes and tells the children that "your mum chose this life". (I certainly did not).

He believes that when the children aren't with him - he isn't responsible or meant to support financially. He also has a big chip on his shoulder that "your mum tore the family apart" - again, I did no such thing.
It's bad enough that he is re-writing history, but dragging me down in the process.

Like it's said here, (sorry can't remember post ID as I'm writing but it does make it seem so unfair as it is harder for me to parent without struggle. ) he has the endless pots of money. Trips, days out, takeaways, lunches out etc. and I have to save up to do something with the kids. It's a whole thought process! Same goes for food shop etc! Hobbies! school stuff! The list goes on and on doesn't it. But he doesn't have this.

My second eldest can see through the "being bought".

I hate that they can sense I'm struggling at times too.

I think the only plus most of us can take from it is that our kid are not idiots; they see it for what it is. Hopefully this stands them in good stead when they grow up not to enable men with kids they don't pay for. I really hope the next gen of boys in particular will start shaming men who laugh about doing this in social settings.

The irony.

He's just called the children late. And said "sorry I've been asleep since I finished work".

I wasn't in the room, they told me.

Hiya. do you have experience of this? may be about to go through a variation myself.

So the case is still there but they aren't investigating any further.

I know he works.

He earns well

I am just worried that if I escalate, he will turn sour even more and try to get money off me for the child I'm trying to get back home. He hasn't paid a penny in 4 years or so. For the four of them. Ok, she has been with him in recent months - but I'm still paying lots for her! Including phone, school trips, school meals etc.

It's a joke.

He already asked me to sign over parenting rights of her so "he can get a house and child benefit"

Excuse me!?

We're meant to keep our children as a whole not divided!!!!!

Are you NEEDING money from him for the children because you're struggling with costs for your childrens care, or do you WANT money from him because he earns more and you see it as "fair?"

I am struggling.

There's a principle in this, but I am needing support. It's a kick in the face when I have to scrimp & save while he doesn't provide, yet goes off on holidays, new cars, meals out, always has money. X4 kids is a lot when you're doing it alone.

Honestly just report him to HMRC for undeclared earnings as his lifestyle doesn't match his declared income of £0

I think if you're struggling then you probably need to apply to CMS and see whether you have a case to get better/ more support. Have you looked at universal credit too? I don't get how you have four children and he's paying you nothing? Who the heck signed that off? I'd pick that up asap. Call a solicitor and get a free consult if nothing else.

That said the fact that be is a higher earner doesn't necessarily mean you're entitled to more from him just because he has it. I'm the higher earner in my relationship and my STBXH as this attitude that we should both end up with the same money left in our banks at the end of the month. I've managed two children and two lots of maternity leave, have developed my role and changed companies to get to my career point. He's doing the same thing he's done for 15 years so yes I earn more but it's not about fairness. I've worked for it.

Park the issue of him having more money. Chances are he's earned it and unless you've totally sacrificed your career by being a stay at home mum it will just build resentment. Take it to the CMS and make sure you get something fair for the kids. Work out what you need for your children or see if there's a way to can get him to foot more of the bills like school uniforms etc.

Document all your Comms so if you ask for something in person or whatever send a message earlier "as discussed earlier, I need to spend X on y for the children" so you have a record of his kack parenting.

In terms of the child that's with him...maybe a dangerous tactic but I'd say while she's in his care he needs to foot the bill. Maybe that will have him wash his hands of responsibility and you get your child back?

When we had the children all close in age, it was arranged to have me SAHM and care for them as we didn't want to put them into childcare nor could afford it.

It's just the fact that he doesn't offer at all. Even for the three years I had all four still home he wouldn't offer.

I do get Uc, but get capped a lot. My sister has less children and gets more a month for some reason.
This was his view point, "the kids aren't with me so I don't need to pay, you've got UC and haven't had a full time job in years so I don't owe you a thing" - so it was agreed I was SAHM and now he uses it against me. I loved being a SAHM but I also want to build a career. I still am not able as I have no childcare either. He is inconsistent. Let's them down on his day too.

I'm still paying her school trips, phone, phone bill, school dinner etc.

I'm worried pursuing CSA will add fuel to the fire and will push my eldest further away and make him make my life even worse. Repercussions all the time for trying to do the right thing.

Where would I stand with this:

He is working and earning a fair bit but claims not.
Cash in hand I believe.

My eldest is with him (this is disputed as it's alienation that I'm trying to prove). I don't get any help from him. Haven't in the 4 years.

But I'm worried to tell them he's working incase he retaliates in many ways.

Will he ask me for money for her when I am barely making ends meet?

Will I get just the £7 per kid per week because he will lie.

Will be retaliate if I tell his boss/employer? Or CSA will.

Will he then ask me for child benefit again? He said " you need to sign rights of her over to me do I can get a home"

The man lives off his mum and his money, drives a flash car and off on holidays.

I literally rely on the food bank and school vouchers (will he have that off me too!!!)

Op you are right but I think you’re on a hiding to nowhere.

you can report to HMRC stating that his income doesn’t meet lifestyle but I don’t know how they prove cash in hand work . you could also report his employer but I don’t know the law regarding paying employees cash in hand .

your risk is that he puts in a claim to the cms for your child who is with him / and if you have any income that’s paye /or uc, these are easily veritable and you would be assessed to make a payment to him irrespective of your affordability

totally unfair morally and legally

Report him to HMRC.

What about if there is a dispute for her living there.

I have safeguarding concerns and don't believe splitting siblings up is in her best interest

He is destroying my life. Four years and I can't count how many times I've been at breaking point.

Honestly just report him to HMRC for undeclared earnings as his lifestyle doesn't match his declared income of £0

I remember that notional income from assets was re-introduced a few years back when CMS calculated income, but the lifestyle vs income was not.

It's possible that the mother is paying for the holidays and cars to divert her assets and reduce potential IHT in the future.

Diversion is a ground for a Variation, but how can it be proved without records?

Good luck, but I think your chances are slim.

This is what I mean.

I could desperately try to get what the children are entitled to, and also so I'm not scraping the barrel all the time to raise them.

But I'm worried it will open a can of worms.

Anything I've tried as a responsible parent and adult - he has come up roses.

He tricks everyone.

Those who know what he's like (family etc are too frightened to say anything)

I know it's rare but believe me, mums do not pay either! My partners ex chooses to work only 3 hours a week even though she has no reason not to work full time - she has no outgoings (no rent, living with her parents) and no responsibilities (her kids live with us). She now doesn't have to pay all the months of child maintenance she hasn't paid because she's successfully claimed to CMS she's getting £70 a week. She works cash in hand and has been on multiple holidays this year. Now she'll have to pay £28 a month for her two children. I cannot understand why the liability isn't what you're capable of earning, rather than what you earn. Income should be considered as 40 hours a week minimum wage unless you prove why you aren't able to do that. How is it right that you can just choose to barely work and not have to pay anything? And then spend money on yourself? CMS need to really investigate people like this and hold them accountable for their responsibilities to their own children.