When I am the higher earner

[Muddledmind]

Hi,
my H and I have been in talks of separation for a long time. We have been together 20 years, married almost 15. With 2 children under 12.
I have always pushed for promotion and payrises in my job, whereas my H is happy with where he is. This has meant that I now earn 3x his salary. I don’t know if relevant but I took a year off maternity with each of my children and returned part time whilst they were small until the pandemic made it easier to work full time, some of those from home.
He claims that in a divorce settlement, I would have to pay him a marital allowance.
Would this be the case even with the children living with me I expect full time, visiting him some evenings after school and perhaps a Sunday afternoon?
Looking at my finances this really concerns me as obviously providing for myself and my children would want to be my priority. I wouldn’t expect child maintenance from him as obviously he would have to pay mortgage/bills himself which I think would be quite stretching.
Advice welcome - thank you!

I presume so yes

No chance! It’s very very unlikely as he would be expected to maximise his own earning potential and have a clean break from you. He also couldn’t argue that his earnings had been impacted by parental leave or being a stay at home parent.

He would still need to pay you CMS if the children live with you, regardless of you being the higher earner. He may be able to argue for a higher percentage of assets being a lower earner, however if he’s not even having the children overnight again it seems unlikely.

If you’ve been married so long I expect you have to split assets and yes possibly pay maintenance. It’s not unreasonable that your kids should maintain a certain lifestyle

@Labbydood why would she pay maintenance if the kids are living full time with her?

As I understand it (and you will only get a definitive answer in court) it's unlikely unless you are someone earning 7 figure salary, with a tidy nest egg, and your DH resigned from his job to look after the children full time, which it doesn't sound like. He will be expected to support himself, and if he's the NRP he'll have to contribute to the children's upkeep.

He's just saying this to wind you up. Book that appointment with a solicitor sooner rather than later.

@40thinks I don’t know the ins and outs of it tbh. But if he can show he set back his career and looked after the kids as a sacrifice why not?

Thank you all, this is really valuable information for me.
There was no sacrifice on his part in parental leave, I even saved up to cover my half of the outgoings to take the years maternity leave each time.
I earn less than 6 figures and my pension pot won’t be fantastic as I only joined a pension 10 years ago. I feel a 50/50 split of assets (house) would be fair but then I’d want to cut all financial ties.
interesting on the child maintenance

He seems to be surrounded my men who all deem to have been ‘done over’ by their wives and comes out with all sorts that make me feel so vulnerable to go it alone

@Muddledmind you’re feeling vulnerable right now because you’re you’re in a shitty situation. But that’s ok, you’re reaching out for advice and help and people will be there for you.
try not to listen to what he says, engage a lawyer and find out what the obligations are.
sorry you’re having a tough time

Marital allowance is vanishingly rare in the U.K.

In a situation whereby the higher earner has the majority residency of the children it'll never happen. If a pattern of every other weekend is expected then your dh will be laughed out of court as it's more likely he'll have to pay you maintenance.

This is advice to anyone who is the lower earner

there is now a huge shift in the way that courts see spousal maintenance and it’s suggested to judges to go away from SM. This is to ensure that the lower earner (le) is maximising their earning potential and not just living off the income of the ex.
Whether this be benefits or looking for work

It's really unlikely that you'd have to pay spousal maintenance in this situation. Obviously get a lawyer though and make sure.

Did you read the OP? She took maternity, she went PT, and she will have the children FT.

You're making up stuff to try to make a point. I assume some MRA point. But it's cobblers.

In general clean break settlements are preferred these days.

That means that spousal or marital maintenance isn't paid and if an uneven split is felt to be fair one party gets more of the assets.

So no, spousal maintenance is not required to be paid. If you were to have the children basically full time then if anything child maintenance would go the other way - he would pay you.

Look at all your assets - usually house and pension, what does he have? What do you have? Then it's worth paying if you can to speak to a solicitor to get an idea of the expected outcomes in court.

You can then look at splitting assets in a way that's consistent with what a court would do.

Hey, OP definitely don’t listen to your H.
See a lawyer asap.

I was the much higher earner, sometimes the only earner as ex dh would “ get bored “ with his job frequently and just quit.
In MN speak, a “ cocklodger”

I bought him out and luckily he didn’t go for my pension as it was small. We had a clean break.
I’d say it went 50/50 solely on the value of the house and no other assets. I suspect he’d squirrelled away a good chunk of family money over the years for himself !
Our DC’s were over 18 so you may get a larger ratio if you’re having the kids stay with you.

I don’t pay him maintenance as the courts today expect both parties to support themselves.

Your dh will be expected to pay for himself as well as his share towards the DCs.

Insist he pays and contact the CMS.
Do not feel sorry for him. Think of yourself and your children and aim for a comfortable life for yourselves. You dh can look after himself as a single man. Let him up his hours!

He knows all this and is not liking it therefore trying to put you off !

I suspect when your dh realises which way the wind is blowing he may rethink the childcare arrangements. If he thinks that he will get money from you plus a larger proportion of assets then he might suddenly realise he loves the idea of 50/50. Just to warn you. He seems the type if he's been consuming that kind of content.

It’s unlikely you’d end up paying spousal maintenance if you earn under 100k however, this could be a base where assets won’t be split 50:50 and he may get a higher share. Its a long marriage and you earn more so it’s posdible
yout housing needs are likely to be the same so you can both have somewhere the kids can stay and there’ll be an argument he needs higher equity share as his mortgage capacity isn’t as great as yours ( even more so if he’s paying cms). Pensions will be asses to try to equalise

you really could do with

reading up on fair settlements online and educating yourself in the principles

see a solicitor

dont t just listen to your husband

Of course he is 😆
Surrounded by men who resent financially looking after their children, more like, he’s in for a bit of a shock! In all the posts I’ve read here, I haven’t seen one where spousal maintenance is a thing. Make that solicitor’s appointment and I bet you won’t be feeling so vulnerable.

Thanks everyone x

Absolutely not!

I was in exactly the same situation. Except my ex was super bitter about me leaving him. So he went to 4 different solicitors before he found one willing to take me to court asking for a maintenance allowance.

It was never even
Entertained. I had the kids living with me full time, I was paying for everything too. I organised all of our child care with my parents while we were married so he worked in his basic assembly line job. His work never changed.

I was told it may have been different if he had sacrificed his career to be a care giver but he didn't.

I bought him out of our house and gave him our car.

His family stopped talking to me and the kids because they felt I left him high and dry.

But he can't show this as it sounds like he hasn't /didn't set back his career for the kids.
The op took maternity breaks and worked part time to look after them

They will look to redress the salary inequity as part of a clean break and apply this to assets. Presumably there will be a co parenting arrangement which means his housing needs are broadly the same so he will get a bigger share because his income is low.

he might get advised to maximise his income if it possible. By working FT or applying for jobs that reflect his skills and experience.

I was married for over 20 years and was the highest earner. My ex dh sacrifice his career for child care. He was just lazy and kept quitting jobs because he got bored.

I didn’t have to pay maintenance.

OP’s husband hasn’t sacrificed his career so he’ll be expected to pay for himself.

He may decide to try for 50/50 child care and if that happens, the asset split will more likely be 50/50 also but at least he’ll be paying towards the kids’up keep and OP can continue to concentrate on her career and have time for herself.

Marital maintenance is vey antiquated and unless you’re super rich, it’s not even entertained these days.
Clean break is the preference.

So I was married 10 years together 20 in total

I was the main earner x3 times

The split was 70/30 in my favour. I kept all my pensions and I also make him pay CMS

That’s unusual