Child Contact Arrangements and Work

[SwallowsAmazons]

Soon to be ex and I have been separated since September, currently share 50/50 time with the children. This has been working well for the past 8 months.

I currently work a few evenings a week but am then around to pick children up, take them to school etc the rest of the week. EX has now decided they want to change the schedule to avoid having to use after school childcare on their contact days. The children are often in after school clubs at this time anyway so doesn’t really change things for ex. However, this means I will have to somehow find a babysitter until late at night and the children would be asleep when I got home.

We don’t have a CAO as ex only wanted to agree amongst ourselves. Is it worth trying to get a c100 and going to court to get this in place?

Is the court likely to agree to change our current plan even though it’s clearly not in the interest of the children or would they rule in favour of keeping things as they are?

I'm not sure what the proposed change is, are they proposing to change the days that you both have the kids, since you're saying it's a 50/50 arrangement?

Sorry yes. Currently we have fixed days and swap weekends. Ex wants to swap the fixed days meaning I would have the children the days I am working in the evening.

It's about what's best for the children and if they are happy and settled with the current arrangements, and a change would mean more time in nursery and you'd not see them as often, I'd be loathed to change them.

The problem with changing it now, is that he may want to change it again in a years time, and so on. You and the dc will end up having to rearrange your life around what suits your ex, rather than what suits the dc.

But beware as it's a double edged sword, if you put your foot down and refuse, if your circumstances change he might turn around and refuse.

You could simply refuse and tell him if he's not happy then take it to court. But that may sour relationships of you've had a good one up to now.

This is the point I’ve tried to make, it isn’t in the children’s interest to make changes that disadvantage them to avoid paying for an hour or two childcare. Previously ex worked closer to school and was able to collect at normal finish time. They have a new job further away hence needing to now use after school childcare.

My days have been fixed for the 20 years I’ve been doing this job, however if they were to change then it would be in the children’s interest to change the schedule.

Im not sure if going to court would help, mediation has been suggested but refused, again on monetary grounds.

Im worried I’m going to be left with no childcare and be unable to work if they insist on changing days regardless of my objections.

Is there any scope for compromise, on the days you work, to change slightly? What is he proposing the new dates be? Why is he requesting the change? Without anything officially through the courts, then yes, you can both theoretically swap and change, although there always in theses situations seems to be one who keeps instigating the swaps, and one who is expected to be able to continually facilitate the swaps. I would try and get it down 'officially' because it sounds like this could be an ongoing situation. This is the first time you've disagreed since separation, so the it's been amicable is a bit of a fallacy- you haven't disagreed and needs to find and compromise or solution yet, so this will actually show you what it's going to be like and who is going to be making the post separation rules, and whether it will be a joint decision or autocratic.

I know you shouldn't have to, and I would be certainly going down the court route to make the arrangements official, as you will be down this road again, I have no doubt, but would you be willing to pay for the afterschool fare on his days to keep the current arrangement, at least in the short term until court can happen?

We'll mostly it doesn't work because you don't actually get to be with or care for the kids when you are at work.

Who's paying for the after school clubs? Are you each paying for what you book or does he have to pay cos he works further away and you don't because you don't work on the days you have then? Is there a compromise on sharing the afterschool care costs between you?

Unfortunately there is no scope to change the days I work and as mentioned above, there’s no saying a few months down the line they won’t want to change again.

I can’t really afford to fund childcare but could in the short term whilst waiting court outcome, my concern with that is setting a precedent going forward that I will pay for childcare on all days regardless of who the children are with. If we both work full time in future then I prefer to pay for our own childcare needs.

So he's expecting you to fund childcare because he doesn't want to?

I'd just refuse tbh. If he kicks off tell him to take you to court?