Sleeping arrangements

[worriednanna]

My granddaughter (GD) lives with her mum but visits dad every other weekend. Recently, my ex son-in-law has given my granddaughter's bedroom to his 6 month old and she now doesn't have a bed or bedroom at daddy's. He is still insisting on having her but sends her to her other nannies for 2 nights and she sleeps on a camp bed in his bedroom with his new partner on the 3rd night. Until recently my ex son-in-law was estranged from his mum and she had regular contact through my daughter and myself. His mum has not told my daughter that she has my GD to sleep over on a regular basis and has cut contact with us all. My granddaughter doesn't want to go to her daddy's and wants to stay with her mummy. My daughter thinks she can't do anything about it. My view is that she should be with either her mum or her dad, and only when neither can look after my GD should they ask the grandparents to step in. She is only 4. My daughter wants dad to have contact with her daughter but he doesn't seem to want to spend much time with her, insists that he has her just to spite my daughter and then hands her over to someone else.

Advice?

Why can’t the children share a room?

Tbh this isn’t enough to stop contact, as annoying as it is. But if it does go to court the children would be expected to share a room (opposite sex can until they’re 9, same sex until they’re 15).

I don’t really understand the arrangements you describe. I am guessing it is two nights at his mother’s plus one at his.

The purpose of the child arrangement order or agreement is that she spends time with him. This is the important contact. And if it isn’t happening she should be with her mother. The other grandmother could claim there is a bond and she should have formal time with the grandchild under another agreement.

Encourage your daughter to arrange mediation to discuss all of this. It might be temporary or it might not. He might be willing to listen. He might not.

At the end of the day you need to support your daughter. So be mindful of her decisions on what she should do. This is all down to her.

Our difficulty is that this is a recent change and it is all being done in secret. We only know about it because my GD has confided in me. The other nanny went to a solicitor to get advice about not being able to see my GD through him (she was seeing her through us) and was told she didn't have any rights and that it would be very expensive. I am worried that she is trying to obtain rights through the back door He doesn't allow his mum to see his other 2 kids at all and he gas lights and ghosts my daughter all the time. He refused to cooperate on a parenting plan and there is no formal arrangement in place.

Sounds to me like your daughter needs to go to court for a child arrangement order. She would potentially need to do mediation first.

She would be asking for no overnights unless the child is given a proper bed to sleep in. (This could be in with the other child although a 6 month old isn't going to be ideal if they still wake in the night.)

She would also be asking fir first refusal. That is if dd is not with DAD then he has to offer MUM fiest refusal on that time before anyone else - grandma/babysitters etc are used. This might back fire a bit though if she uses you for childcare as he could try to insist it's mutual.

The fact that the info is coming through GD is irrelevant she is clearly old enough to say where she is sleeping...