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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Collecting from school on my days

15 replies

summerrain12345 · 30/04/2024 18:06

I would like to see if anyone has been in this position and what advice they have:

  • we used to have 50/50 custody from April 2023 (when we separated) to September 2023 when my ex partner took on a job, meaning he had early starts and therefore could not have our daughter over night.
  • As a result of above change, I have our daughter 5/7 nights and for a while my ex used to collect our daughter from school, spent a couple of hours with her and returned her at 5.30 when i finished work (i work from home, and now pick this up)- this helped me out as I work full time
  • Due to ongoing other disputes i do not want to see him quite simply, it isn't good for me and that to me is important - yes my daughter is first, but my mental health has to feature - i don't want to see my ex daily.
  • We are going to mediation and he is raising that it isn't good for our daughter to see so little of him and that I am using her as a weapon by not allowing these daily handovers.

My questions to anyone who has experienced this...

  • am i being unreasonable stopping these daily drop offs?
  • would a court ever grant school pick up and drop off daily?

Any info/advice would be appreciated.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 30/04/2024 18:13

It's perfectly reasonable for you to want and need 2 or 3 days per week without there being contact.

Why can't he arrange childcare to have her overnight? You aren't preventing 50:50, he needs to sort out HIS childcare issues to see more of his DC, not encroach on your time with her.

Ponderingwindow · 30/04/2024 18:13

How old is she?

Original poster
summerrain12345 · 30/04/2024 18:18

She is 5 and in reception - I would not be happy him arranging alternative care, she is either with me or him, I don’t feel ok to have another party there when she wales up - am I unreasonable?

OP posts:
RandomMess · 30/04/2024 18:23

Well you can't have it all ways!

Perfectly fine to say have 2 days that he doesn't see her.

Totally unreasonable to dictate his childcare choices in his time.

Ponderingwindow · 30/04/2024 18:26

He can work and use childcare to be an involved parent or you can come to an arrangement that lets him stay involved despite your wish to avoid care. You currently have the later and it means you don’t have to hire care, which you are so keen to avoid.

it won’t be long before she is old enough to enter your home solo
and you won’t really need to interact with him.

Original poster
summerrain12345 · 30/04/2024 18:32

Sorry to be clear, I collect my child now and care for her a work around it. I don’t need the help.

he wants some of my time daily to see her, the period from 330-530, I don’t want the daily drop offs

OP posts:
Original poster
summerrain12345 · 30/04/2024 18:33

So to be clear, I want my 5 days - I don’t want his involvement. He can do as he pleases with his 2 days

my point is, would anyone say I have to do daily handovers? Surely my child will be back and forth more and everyone would have contact daily

OP posts:
Mateja9 · 30/04/2024 18:34

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
summerrain12345 · 30/04/2024 18:38

i have my mediation appointment this week, I am trying to assess whether anyone else deals with daily handovers where the child goes from one parent to another daily.. surely that isn’t good for anyone? He has his 2 nights a week, to me, that’s all he can do and we should stick to our days and nights?

OP posts:
RandomMess · 30/04/2024 18:45

I think 5 days on the trot is a long time for your DD, I think him having one after school with her in between his 2 days is reasonable and good for DD.

I agree him seeing her daily is not necessary.

JungleJimmy · 30/04/2024 18:47

If him dropping your DD to you was useful and he wasn't a prick, and your DD enjoyed it, then it should continue.

But as it's not useful to you, he is making you unhappy (possibly in front of your child?) which obviously can't be good for your DD, then it needs to stop.

He had a choice to keep the hand overs civil, but he hadn't. If it's your parenting time, you can do what you like with it and he can just see her on his parenting time.

CandiedPrincess · 30/04/2024 18:59

He had a choice to keep the hand overs civil, but he hadn't. If it's your parenting time, you can do what you like with it and he can just see her on his parenting time.

Weird jump. Who said he isn't keeping it civil. Two sides to every story!

JungleJimmy · 30/04/2024 19:05

@CandiedPrincess the OP talks about "ongoing disputes" I took that to mean there are regular arguments, especially if it's got to the stage where it's affecting her mental health.

If I've got that wrong and he's pleasant at handovers, that obviously changes things.

CandiedPrincess · 30/04/2024 19:08

Just pointing out it might not be him with the beef!

millymollymoomoo · 30/04/2024 19:54

Offer another day to collect and drop her back so it’s not daily but more than just his 2 days/nights

if you try to stop all 5 he may try 50/50 again using childcare that you don’t want

I do t think this arrangement is bad for your child but it’s understandable you dont want to deal with it daily

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