What to do with the father?

[TellMeYourThoughts]

The father of my miracle baby started being verbally aggressive and abusive when I was 9 months pregnant. Two weeks before the birth he suddenly stopped the contact. The baby is already 8 mouths old. Shall I contact him or push him to recognise the child, when he shows no interest at all and I am afraid he can have a bad influence or even be dangerous?

Just leave him. Doesn't sound like you or baby need him in your life

That sounds awful. I'd say a child would be much better off without him in their life - they can always track him down later if they're curious.

Why?

Just leave it, he may get in touch later on but hopefully the baby will be a child and less delicate and more self sufficient.

He can be added on to the birth certificate at any time but can cause issues once he is so make sure you are living in an area you want to stay in, have the passport all sorted.

Going through the CMS is your right and your DC should be financially supported by the father, however it's likely to rile up animosity and sudden demands for contact.

Ignore him
You’d be inviting negative influence into both your lives from the sound of it.

DC can track him in future if they want to.

Because I read so much about how important the father is for a daughter and because a financial support would be useful. On the other hand I am afraid because in our last conversation he made dead threats... In general his lack of interest is enough to say we don't need him in our lives,but...Right now I am so confused that I may deprive my baby of something which is rightfully hers, but in the same time so afraid that I may bring a bigger evil in her life...

Well fathers are important in girls lives, if they are a good role model to demonstrate how women should be valued and treated - he clearly isn't up to the role. Plenty of other men can take that role, grandfather, uncle, sports coach, scouts leader, teachers etc.

You have not deprived her of anything, presumably he is an adult and responsible for his own behaviour. He has deprived her. Don't put any more energy into thinking like this, she's a baby and needs you, once she starts hitting 3-4 years make sure she has positive male role models in her life and that's all you can do.

Why would this thought cross your mind - he sounds like a loser

Good male role models are important for children but this man is not one.
Stay safe, say nothing and hope that he never contacts you again . Inviting him into your lives will cause you and your precious baby pain and stress.
He made death threats ffs. You don’t need that kind of worry in your life - no contact is the best way to protect you and the baby. If you move house in future, do not give him your new address.

Better without a father than an abusive one. You can be both for that child. Do not add stress to yourself and the child. Just pray that he never gets in touch.
I would be thinking like you if he was a decent person but in your case, you both are better off.
My opinion, your choice.

So you want to contact someone who made death threats to you?

Your daughter doesn’t need anyone in her life who has threatened to kill you. And if he said that before she was born, he threatened to kill her too.

And you can’t force him to have contact if he doesn’t want it.

Keep him away from your precious baby

No way, and give him no rights at all. Don't add him to the birth certificate and don't highlight the fact he's her father. You're enough.

Why do women do this? I'll never understand it. If he was aggressive and violent when you were 9 months pregnant why on earth do you think he'll a) change or b) pay you any money?
He's made death threats?
No girl needs to be near a man like this ever.
My 1st husband was like this but he decided he wanted custody of our DS rather than pay me any money for him.
A 5 year custody battle ensued which cost me everything I had and meant I had to start all over again and when he did have DS he started hitting and slapping him to "teach me a lesson".
I eventually got full custody and a restraining order for both of us but not before both of us were seriously damaged by it.
Don't be such a fool.