Take a new job or lose the house - need advice!

[TooManySlipperz]

I know need legal advice - i have started that but just would love anyone's advice that doesnt' cost £30 every time they breathe!

Still married and living together. Have talked a lot about divorce. In counselling but it's really clear we are done. He is horrible to me every day and I can't take it anymore.

He is on £42k a year. He could be earning more but he is not bothered and does bare minimum.

I'm on £70k a year. I am on the last interview for a job at nearly £100k.

He couldn't afford our home and wouldn't want to.

The house is 50% deposit (put in entirely by me) and 50% mortgage (in both our names). We bought it 3 years ago - our first and only home.

If I got and took the 100K job, I could afford to buy him out and keep our home I think (it is next to the kids school and one of kids has SEN and I really really want to find a way to keep the kids in their home).

If I stay on £70k,I can't really afford to buy him out. I can pay the current mortgage alone (I do already) but not if he's going to argue for 50% of the equity.

But I got the promotion - would I risk losing more of the equity anyway so it's a lose-lose game?

People want to earn LESS when going through divorce no? Is it madness to get a big promotion just before divorce?

But if I get the promotion - then I can afford our current life - childcare/mortgage/buy him out - I don't need to rely on him for anything.

(by the way his pension is much much larger than me - he is public sector and used to earn more than me - i've only started earning my income in the last two years and now rising quite quickly in my sector as working my arse off)

What would you do?

If there's a risk of him messing you about it's probably a risk whatever job you do.

What be can do is

argue that your housing needs are the sane ( you both need similar properties for yourself and child even if care not 50:50 he has to have somewhere suitable fur weekends/overnights etc)
he can argue that he needs more equity as his ability to mortgage is lower than yours / even more so if he is paying cms as this diminishes his mortgage raising capacity

he can try to argue for higher share as you earn more

you can try to offset that with pensions and etc if his is more

@millymollymoomoo I would leave his pension alone and not go for CMS if he accepts an offer that lets us stay in our home.

I'm really really worried he will get more than 50% as you say. I couldn't afford our home anymore.

If we need to live in similar homes then I will need to give almost all the equity to him to level us out.

Be careful here. In my divorce earnings (including future) were absolutely taken into account. In fact, mortgage raising capability was critical in defining the equity split. Pensions were straight 50/50 though.

Offering not to go to CMS is unfortunately not a good bargaining tool. Legally you could go back after 12 months so he's have to REALLY trust you to go for it

@OnceUponAThread I know working out pension amount is hard and i don't fully understand it - but i would have thought his pension was worth 8 or 9 times mine. I'm really hoping if i say a) here is a large chunk of money - £100k - given he put in £0 to the deposit and pays nothing towards the mortgage and b) I will leave your pension alone - he might consider that?

I didn't realise that about CMS. He couldn't go for CMS from me if he had 50% or under could he? And i thought i read spousal support is only in really high income cases?

As above you can’t agree to not go for cms in exchange for something as after 12 months you could go to cms and ask for it and cms would award it and over write any court agreement

you need to get pensions valued and absolutely can use pensions as a bargaining tool to offset equity ( if that’s what both of want and it makes sense )

spousal is pretty rare overall but the more you earn the higher chance of it so this could come into j to play especially if you earn 100k. Equally HE may use that as a bargaining tool - ie he’s drop it in exchange for more cash upfront

in regards to housing you both have equal
housing needs -a court indicated you have the same house but will arrange a settlement that tries to provide for both parties needs ie won’t award one party a 3 bed house while expecting the other to have 1 bed flat

you really need some proper legal advice

@TooManySlipperz swapping pensions for equity is a common tactic that many use and definitely something that you can consider - but please make sure you understand what you are giving up and that you're not going to be screwed when it comes to retirement.

The problem with offering to not claim child maintenance is that after 12 months has passed anyone who is eligible can put a claim in with the CMS and it will override the agreement. So lawyers advise against it as a bargaining tactic.

Spousal is quite rare and only where there is a significant income disparity. Even then it tends to be awarded for the very short term. My income comment was not to do with spousal but rather asset split. Essentially when someone's income (and therefore the size of mortgage they can get) is lower, sometimes they will get a higher proportion of equity / assets, to put them in the same position re buying a future house.

It really depends what the assets are overall etc. See a solicitor.

He doesn't have rights to your future earnings.

You do have rights to half his pension.
Who decided "he could earn more" and how was that decided?

Good luck.

He could earn more in the sense he used to earn more and he chose a less busy job when I got promoted. He did so on agreement he would do more at home but he's doing less than ever. He could be earning 2 or 3 times his salary in his sector but when bosses have talked about promotion he's said he's not interested in the extra responsibility.

A lot of unknowns. Who will have dc more? That can mean an unequal split eg 60:40 if live mostly with you. If there’s extra expense or caring for Sen child that may affect usual split. If Sen child will need care and housing post 18 that will affect split. How long is marriage because if you paid deposit only 3 years ago and it’s a short marriage that reduces claim for 50:50. If you think he will do less with dc going forward eg is likely to decide to earn more once can’t rely on your salary then sometimes rushing to a settlement isn’t best idea and may be better to set up separate homes now (even if he has rent short term or you need lodger) and see what happens. If you get offered the job then take it. I expect after childcare you won’t be that much better off and you could think about an au pair or nanny if you think he will mess you around. Are you claiming DLA? I think you need to focus on creating a life for you and dc where anything he does is a bonus but you aren’t reliant on him. Prepare yourself to be shocked by how little he may do with the dc once leaves -especially in my experience when they have Sen and the dad resents the impact of that. I think he needs to move out so you can see what he does next. You could also look at extending mortgage term as a way of making it affordable to keep house.