Missing STBXDH

[Lorelaigilmore88]

DH and I seperated last October, after 10 years of marriage, in messy circumstances. That was it. Our marriage had been heading downhill for 2 years. I barely recognised myself, and the sort of behaviour I had been tolerating trying to keep us together.

I have been doing well these last 6 months and havent really cried or wallowed, but I found out 2 weeks ago he has met someone else and moved in with her and its hit me like a tonne of bricks. He started a relationship with her in November.

It's really devastated me. I know the marriage was over, I know it was. But I don't think I had truly accepted the finality of it all until I found out about the new partner.

These past 2 weeks I keep reminiscing about how in love we were in the early days. And now they share that intimacy. I am really struggling to hold it all together. I feel so lonely and sad.
And his coldness. To go straight into a new relationship within weeks of us breaking up. I feel heartbroken.

I am hoping someone has any words of encouragement. I do feel better for writing it down.

Some people just don’t do well on their own, and he sounds like one.
Write down all the reasons it ended, and read it every time you start to dip. And move on with your life.

You're missing what you used to have, just remind yourself what the most recent years were like - realise you made the decision to separate for a reason 😊 I'm sure it's tough!

It is tough and does seem harsh he met someone so quickly. As someone else said, some people can't be on their own.
Think of why you ended the marriage and that the new partner will have to put up with your ex now, sooner or later!
Good luck to her, you don't have to live in a marriage you don't want and were unhappy in anymore.
Be happy with your decisions and have a wonderful new life 🎉

He probably met her before you split.

Affairs really change people's behaviour. Living with him meant you really noticed the change.

It's painful when he's moved on. But you said you tolerated his poor behaviour. You don't have to do that anymore. That is a relief.

You will feel better over time. You will get to the stage where what he does is of no interest to you.

Eventually you will meet other people, have other romances and you will start to live properly again.

And you will have learned a lot from this experience. Recognising poor behaviour earlier. Setting proper boundaries.

Invest yourself. Develop a life alone full of interests and new pursuits. Yes, it can be lonely but sometimes we have to be lonely.

Feel some power. Some autonomy.

I'm sorry. My advice - feel the pain. It sounds like he's just avoiding pain imo

And whilst painful, I reckon it's better in the long run. My ex went on dating apps a couple of days after I left, we'd been together over 20 years. He met his now partner within months. Painful, yes. But oddly it also helped, it felt like he just needed a warm body. And explained why he spent years taking the p* and taking me for granted.
Sending warm wishes, it's a tough period but you'll come out the other side so much stronger.