ASD ex husband to get official diagnosis?

[BuckleupButtercup]

Hey everyone,
I am separated with ex husband who is undiagnosed on the spectrum. When we used to go out to parties or socials, a few people would comment if he was okay due to some awkward behaviours.

A couple of people have asked me if he has been officially diagnosed and received any therapy. He struggled with parenting of a newborn and one day he packed and left.

A year later he made contact to say he was struggling with mental issues at the time but feeling better, could he come back. I struggled with this knowing that he is opposed to seeking professional help.

Now that we are separated, and heading towards divorce, parenting with him is going to be a challenge; more so the safety of the child who is now almost 4 years old. I feel like, as extreme as it may sound, to ask the court to request an assessment on him to help plan co-parenting and make it the best one for the child.

Any thoughts?

I am autistic and it has no effect on my parenting ability. My children are also autistic.

If a father doesn't have a good sense of what a four year old needs or how a four year old feels then his "logical" solutions are not going to be practical or reasonable at all

That is exactly right. Nothing to say not having a good sense of what a 4yo needs is prohibited by ASD though. I’m sure lots of parents with ASD would have a good sense of what their 4yo need. There are many parents on this forum with ASD from what I read. Are they all shit parents to 4yo’s as they have no idea what they need? I doubt it. The OP’s exDH does indeed sound like a shit parent with no idea but that may or may not be due to ASD. Again, sure lots of parents with ASD on this forum would say this doesn’t apply to them? Having ASD does not automatically preclude someone from knowing what people need. It does not preclude them from being reasonable. Sure not all are, but the same goes for the general population without ASD, you will get people who are reasonable and some who are not.

… For example, I thought video calls every second week would be good to start some contact while I am awaiting legal advice; so we started those three times.
Then he message a week after, as he was reading a book the child and wanted to finish it 7 days later. I said I am working the weekend. He got annoyed and surely I am not working the whole day, I should be able to accommodate a call in the evening!

I therefore got back to him and said best we wait for a finalised parental agreement to avoid misunderstandings. I will not be doing any video calls until then.