divorce - whats a fair split

[HardyCat]

I have been married for 6 years have 3 young children (10,7,3) marriage has broken down and we both want to split. I am higher earner and always have been and have paid all house hold bills since moving into our home 10 years ago. I also put a £20k deposit down on the house. House is in joint names. My wife has a good job working only part time (£45k salary gross) looking now to go full time. We initially agreed I give her 50% of the equity in the house after having it valued - which would give her £80k. I was aiming to stay in the family home as always paid the bills etc and she could not afford to cover all the bills on her own. I was also willing to take on all the current joint debts we have of £25k.

We have agreed to have children a full 50/50 split as I am very flexible with work and have always dropped kids off at school 2-3 days a week and picked them up, never missed a school performance etc.

We have been split for 5 months but still living in the family home, I am still paying all bills (mortgage, utilities, car insurance, loans, credit cards etc) we also both each put £700 (£1400 total) into joint account to cover food etc for the month then we are both left with similar money each for ourselves per month.

My wife now wants to stay in the family home but wants me to stay named on the mortgage as she would not be able to get a mortgage on her own for that amount. She thinks she is entitled to more than 50% and also wants child maintenance even though we have agreed on a 50/50 child care split. I feel that she is being unreasonable as my offer to take on all depts and give her 50% equity in the house is more than fair. If we were to go down solicitor route and back and forth sell house split all debt etc I believe she would only end up with around £35-$40k as we both would which would be sufficient for me to start again if thats the case, I just feel she is trying to get more when infact its going to cost her more in doing so, or am I completely wrong in my thinking?

What about pensions?

As there isn't a lot of equity in the house her getting 80 and you 55 after debts. is an OK deal for her

How high an earner are you though? I assume not really high if only that much equity?

It doesn’t matter who paid the house deposit / all the bills. Finances are deemed as shared in a marriage.

Your EW won’t get a Mesher order to stay in the formal marital home for 15 years (if your youngest is 3). These are rare now and only push the problem years down the line. You won’t be tied into a mortgage/a house you don’t live in for 15 years. The courts have an obligation to seek a clean break asap.

If she does stay in the FMH for a period - she would be responsible for paying the mortgage & all running costs during that time. As she can’t afford the bills - she won’t be given the option to stay. She will have to move or rent. The courts don’t care if you rent.

Child maintenance- if it’s a true 50:50 split - no maintenance is payable.

If the equity in the house is £160k but there are £25k of debits. That’s £135k of equity. You’ve offered just shay of 60%. She could be awarded slightly more if dragged through the courts - but there would be substantial court / solicitor fees on both sides and it wouldn’t be worth the cost in both sides. It would be worth trying mediation to see if you can come to an agreement.

What about pensions? She could be entitled to a pension sharing order.

I earn £90k per year. Got a private pension but only been paying in a few years so my pot is only £70k currently. She has a couple of pensions from her jobs but not sure on her pot.

Pensions will count so you need to add those in. If she has none then giving her 100k of equity would make it 50/50 between you. So if she has "some" then 80k is probably fair

I would agree with you that:
A) you need to come off the mortgage/title. House will probably need to be sold unless she can raise the funds to buy you out.
B) if you are taking on the debt of £25k, and proposing on having the children 50/50 then the house sale should be 50:50. The taking on of debt addresses the imbalance in your respective earning potential. If she can work full time now she can earn more. However, if you are on say, over £100k, then you may need to give her a larger equity share to address the short term variation in your earning potential.
C) if she has a pension this should be looked at, and then the pensions perhaps equalised, so you may need to give her a slightly greater percentage of the house equity.

Apologies- I missed the bit about your income on your post. You may need to up her equity share slightly to redress the indifference, as she has been working PT presumably to look after the children.

Oh, and agree that if childcare is 50:50 then the Courts would deem that there is no child maintenance payable.

Is her earnings 45k working full time or her current part time

you need to come off the mortgage
tiur housing needs are identical so she has no greater need
yiut higher salary will allow slight better mortgage raising ability so she might get slightly higher share of equity to balance that ( say 60:40)
oensions need evaluation on both sides

a mesher is highly unlikely here so she’s wrong in thinking this

Go to link above to “ ADVICE NOW” web site. That has guides on how to manage divorce yourself and what you need solicitor for, what you don’t, and when you might.
they explain the LAW regarding “ fair settlement “ and will give you examples so,you can work out how it will apply to you.
no one here can tell you what your settlement will be

you need to start with full legal financial disclosure. No one should be negotiating anything until that is done and agreed by both parties. Again ADVICE BOW tells you how to complete without needing a solicitor necessarily.

Yes her income of £45k is when she is full time. Would pensions normally be split 50/50 also or a different percentage?

Thanks for everyones comments so far

Offer 100k equity, you both keep your pensions, you keep the house or it needs to be sold, 50/50 DC and then it’s a clean break for both of you.

We had initially agreed on me giving her £80k and that was going through to obtain the money from my mortgage company. But now she thinks she deserves more and is selling her self short - in her words. She thinks that she can afford to cover the bills but by doing this I would need to stay named on the mortgae and walk away with nothing, also me being named on the mortgage I would not be in a position to get my self a new mortgage so I would be forced to rent.

What she wants isn’t reasonable.

You staying on the mortgage isn't reasonable as you will find it much harder to house yourself.

If you start the mediation process she may realise that.

It may also be worth you both booking some time with a Solicitor to understand the possible outcomes so she understands that what she wants is unlikely to happen.

Maybe the best approach is to tell her to get some legal advice. There's no reason she'd get more than 50 50 child access if you are able and willing to have rhebkids 50 PC of the time. The kids drive the needs of the parties and if you are 50 50 then you both have equal needs in terms of housing. So it sounds like a fairly decent split you've proposed.
I suspect she's panicking about how to make ends meet and so is casting around for other ways to sort. Unfortunately both sides need to accept a reduction in living standards and perhaps she perceives that your standards are not going down because you are staying in the marital home. It may just be easier for both of you to move out completely

I am going to suggest mediation and hopefully we can get somewhere - thanks for everyones help.