To split or not

[HowwillIkn0w]

How do you know?

We have been married for many years, have grown up children. We rub along together fine on a day to day basis, but spend more time doing activities, hobbies, days out and holidays separately than together.

We do care about each other but I feel lonely and wonder if we are staying together out of habit. Is this how everyone feels after many years together or should we want to spend time together, should there still be passion and romance?

Im not sure this is a question any one else can answer for you. Some may say the grass is not always greener, others may tell you to change and leave if you are not happy. To do both yourself and your husband justice you are probably best off speaking to a therapist- perhaps individually at first and possibly couples therapy too.

Or perhaps identify what you feel is missing/ what you need and speak to your partner. Do you want him to bring you flowers or cook for you for example? What is it that you need from him? What does your partner need? Maybe you can reconnect.

From personal experience you can have fabulous sexual chemistry with someone at the start but personally I don’t believe the intensity lasts forever, although I suppose sometimes maybe things like weekends away and spicing things up a bit probably rekindles things a bit. What you have though over time though can be a very strong bond, love and a best friend.

Thank you
I know no one can make the decision for me I just wondered what others long term relationships were like. If it was normal not to spend much time together.
I want company, someone to have shared experiences with, someone who wants to spend time with me rather than flowers and meals. He generally doesn’t want join me on weekends away when I ask him.

If you woke up tomorrow and they weren't there, would you miss them? That's what my mother told me

@HowwillIkn0w It’s about you and how you feel ultimately. Some couples will be joined at the hip and happy that way. Others will prefer more doing their own thing.

Unhappiness can result when people don’t get their needs met. Have you read the 5 love languages? It sounds like one of your top ones is quality time. Your husband’s may be physical touch for example. Sometimes there can be a disconnect if people are speaking different languages so to speak. Maybe it’s worth looking up the 5 love languages and talking to your husband about what your individual love languages are and how you can both get your needs met…Maybe your husband doesn’t appreciate how important certain things are for you and how you need to feel love and connection.

Lovely, well put.

I was in the same position and ended my 32 year relationship recently. I found this interesting article which kind of sums up why I decided to go it alone

www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-13609139/friends-left-husbands-real-reason-divorcing-marriage-risk.html?ito=native_share_article-nativemenubutton