How to help my daughter who is missing me

[WhatSusieDidNext]

Ex was emotionally abusive and after trying desperately hard to keep my family together I left. I had some support from Women’s Aid.

I’ve been in my new house for about 6 months now. We have 50-50 custody (please no comments on this, it is what it is and it’s not going to change).

My kids have dealt with it all really well until the last couple of weeks. My 7 year old has recently become very sad and tearful. She has told her teacher she misses me.

Any advice on how I can help her through this?

And also on how I can deal with the guilt of leaving when it has made my daughter so sad?

Thanks.

You say the 50/50 won’t change, is that because it’s court ordered?

Would your ex enable FaceTiming each day?

would your ex be willing to change the 50:50 and could you do it? (If you want to & ex will allow it, you could sweeten it by not claiming CMS

could you pick her up from ex's & do the school run.

orvjudt tell her you love her & miss her too (she will get used to it) poor mite.

If There was DV you've done the right thing leaving, and from your comment I gather 50/50 wasn't what you wanted. Are the children safe there?

We agreed 50-50, but I was told he would get it if we went to court. It’s not going to change.

I work FT and ex doesn’t work now. (He wasn’t a SAHP but got fired as the divorce was going through).

The children are safe there. He’s a good dad except for how me treats me (silent treatment, stonewalling, that sort of thing).

I can’t see him agreeing to me having the kids more, plus I work and he doesn’t so practically it would be difficult.

We really just need to make the best of the 50-50 situation.

Have you got the book Under the love umbrella? I don’t know if it’s too old for her but something like that might help. How about one of those pocket hug hearts or a special pendant or broach you can pin inside her coat or bag? I really feel for you and DD.

I always try to put myself in the child's place and I completely believe that she misses you. However as a child if I was feeling any sort of anxiety (perhaps about school work/ friends) and I got upset and was asked to explain it I would probably say 'I miss my Mom' because when I feel any sort of emotion I still at 40 years old want my Mom! So what I'm saying is it's probably not as bad as you think, and she does miss you but perhaps a catch all for her big emotions x

Does she have a tablet she can contact you on while she’s there? We use Kinzoo for family messaging on iPads

Can you get a necklace or bracelet, something simple that you can each have a half of and then she'll know you're always thinking of her etc. Might help....Argos used to do loads of that kind of thing.

DD used to take my pyjama top with her so it smelt like me. She found that comforting and reassuring. I think she would even wear it to bed sometimes.

Write her a 'goodnight letter' that she can keep at her dads and read before she goes to bed. Telling her how much mummy loves her and to have sweet dreams etc, you could write her a new one each week?

For when I'm away/out and i know my daughter will miss me, i got her a special teddy and i spray it with my perfume.

How does your 50/50 work? If it is alternate weeks then I can understand your DD missing you, they struggle with concept of time when young and a whole week away will seem like eternity if that is the case could this be modified?, obviously this changes the older they get and the more they can rationalise the time, although my dc still misses me from time to time when not with me and they are with me more than 50/50

We do 5-5-2-2. On the basis we are doing 50-50 I think this is the best option at the moment.

Is the 5 nights harder for her? Would 3,4,4,3 work?

If she has a device and you have FB you can install kid messenger or another messaging app. You could record a voice message on her tablet if she has one. Set up regular face time or video calls. Do they take their favourite teddies? Its annoying carting them all back and forth but I think it helps my kids. Maybe there's something specific she's finding hard at his place and translates that as missing mummy.