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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Divorce progressing, finances not sorted

24 replies

Unex · 19/04/2024 07:50

Duplicate thread (posted in wrong section)
Applied for divorce in October.
Now unable to afford mediation
BUT divorce is progressing.
Conditional order soon, final order in May
A very helpful poster said I can apply for extension for more time, will I have to pay for this?
Tbh I'm scared of doing wrong thing (which seems VERY easy to do)
Thanks

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BirthdayRainbow · 19/04/2024 15:04

Don't do the final order without the finances being sorted.

Stage 1 - apply for divorce with a financial order.
Stage 2 - apply for consent order
Stage 3 - once the consent order has been granted a judge will then pronounce the conditional order. You don't need to go to this unless you object to any of the orders which are being made.
Stage 4 - apply for final order which legally ends your marriage but DO NOT do this without your solicitor saying you can and only once everything financial has been agreed and signed off on.

The divorce is separate to the financial side and if you filed for divorce nothing can happen without your say so.

Unex · 19/04/2024 17:08

So glad I posted!
I've spoken to a solicitor £120!! And they didn't tell me this 🙄
Conditional order been granted soon I think

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BirthdayRainbow · 19/04/2024 17:59

I'm on almost 7k with my solicitor.

WeDeserveBetter · 19/04/2024 18:13

I agree do not get final order until consent order sorted. You have 12 months from conditional order to then apply for final order and if you go over this all you need to do is complete an out of time order (I think just to charge you extra money!!)
I have just got everything sorted- £5K in fees

Unex · 19/04/2024 19:07

Shame it's not as easy as getting married in the first place!!
The sums involved are 😱😱😱

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Unex · 19/04/2024 19:11

I've read the links from gov.uk but clearly not understood them.
Really pissed off the solicitor didn't tell me.
She also gave me NO indication of a reasonable settlement.
Which is the exact thing I wanted to know.
She DID tell me I could claim court fees back for application (which I couldn't)
What a minefield

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BirthdayRainbow · 19/04/2024 19:43

I would get another solicitor. I paid £150 for an initial appointment. She got my name wrong. Showed no compassion to my situation. Just a I'm sorry you are here under these circumstances would have been appreciated. Some humanity. A ridiculous explanation as to why she got my name wrong. Just awful, I knew I couldn't use her.

made another appointment with someone recommended by a solicitor I'd used for my will. He was much friendlier. Explained everything. He is expensive but I'd have lost a whole lot more if I had done a DIY divorce like my h wanted..

Unex · 19/04/2024 20:23

I also saw a 30 free minutes type solicitor.
Again very little actual information, then wanted £300 down and £150 per month direct debit for undefined amount of months 😱

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BirthdayRainbow · 19/04/2024 22:26

If you have everything finalised within a year then you've done well, according to my solicitor.

Tosca23 · 20/04/2024 08:13

Like others have said, you need a financial order in place before getting the decree absolute.

How far apart are you re finances? Are you in agreement there? Personally I’d get a solicitor to do the financial order if you have assets.

Unex · 20/04/2024 11:25

Precisely nowhere with finances.
No cooperation from STBEH.
No indication at all from ANY of solicitors I've seen around what a reasonable settlement might look like (just keep saying the starting point is 50:50 and I'm yeah, apart from the fact I'm housing all 3 teens and he only sees one of them for 2 hours per week)
The local mediation people say they won't give advice, just meditate 🤔.
I've put figures into wikivorce but just changing small things (e.g how many additional hours I can get at work), or his ever changing salary (job hopping) seems to have a HUGE impact on settlement figures.

All divorce costs so far are on the emergency credit card

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Tosca23 · 20/04/2024 13:43

Yes personally I found all solicitors give you is a rough idea re finances, I guess they can’t give a firm idea as a lot seems to depend on what different judges decide if things go to court.

you will need full financial disclosure to sort out finances. CETV pension valuations included. I had to go to mediation to get ex to play ball, others have to start court proceedings, or threaten it, it just depends. I went for judge led mediation which is very expensive but they will give you a slight steer of what a court may decide which I found did at least lead to some sort of resolution.

I would recommend finding the money for decent mediation- there may be solicitor led mediation available if you can’t afford judge led. Mediation will bring things to a head and forces people as much as possible to do financial disclosure.

if you work full time, 50:50 may not be unreasonable. If part time, it may be possible to negotiate more. Is there a joint home and equity and pensions?

millymollymoomoo · 20/04/2024 13:45

Personally found Wikivorce to be wildly over optimistic re financial settlement figures

millymollymoomoo · 20/04/2024 13:45

If op works part time she’ll be expected to do full time with 3 teenage children

Anita848 · 20/04/2024 20:03

I agree I'd definitely suggest finding a new solicitor that works for you. Don't stay with one that isn't answering your questions or working to make your life easier. I'm so sorry you're going through this, the financial stress is awful to go through, but it's all worth it in the end no matter how difficult it gets.
In case it can help, I'd suggest using free guides online to help you through your divorce or at least help you keep costs down in your divorce if you need a solicitor's help. There are some on here which people post so I'd suggest checking those out as well as the one I used which helped me - https://iamlip.com/
Wishing you the best x

https://iamlip.com

BirthdayRainbow · 20/04/2024 20:53

H and I have to agree then it goes before a judge and they say yes or no.

Unex · 20/04/2024 21:41

Thanks everyone for the advice and moral support.
I've sent off to see how much I can get from pension 🙄, and will take it from there.
In other news he's apparently wine-ing and dining a new woman
So that's nice

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Airyfairy99 · 20/04/2024 22:07

67k so far. Divorcing a narcassist and his family are involved as intervenors (farming) NIGHTMARE !

Unex · 01/05/2024 17:22

Why do the finances need to be sorted before final order?
What are the risks of that?
Looking at gov website it just says you've got to explain why you've not applied for final order in time

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Unex · 01/05/2024 17:24

@Tosca23 a rough idea would be perfect tbh
Unless the rough idea is 50:50 🤔

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BirthdayRainbow · 01/05/2024 18:06

If you are divorced and the financials aren't sorted then you're screwed. You'll only have why you have in your purse/bank account.

Unex · 01/05/2024 18:25

That suits me tbh!
I'm currently in family home paying all bills and such
Only thing is any legal link to his debt.
And that he might come for his half if house at some point

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ansaunex · 01/05/2024 18:46

@Unex
An application for a final order / decree absolute can be delayed/ delay applied for if a financial settlement upon divorce has not been reached and made legally binding.

If a financial agreement in the divorce has not been agreed, it is generally advisable not to apply for the final order / decree absolute because your entitlement to certain assets of the marriage could be affected, e.g. pension funds, or other assets.

It is best to seek legal advice before applying for a final order/decree absolute.

There are 2 parts to divorce – divorce and financial settlement.

Financial Settlement
Many people are litigants in person – not represented by solicitor / barrister.
Some employ one for bits of the process (on a retainer to write an open offer letter or position statement for example). Others are represented throughout.

In any case, to reach a financial settlement, it is important to know what all the assets are and how much they are worth - before agreeing to financial settlement / what the split will be. This is usually done using Form E.

Prior to an agreement and in the first instance get full and frank financial disclosure.
Agree a date to exchange Form Es, complete Form Es, attach the required documentation, exchange, read.

Get valuations of assets disclosed in Form E e.g. pensions (by CETVs/ actuary report), property (surveyor or estate agents) stocks and shares etc.

This full and frank disclosure is a legal requirement via Form E / using Form E categories.
(Updating financial disclosure is also requirement throughout the process - so if things take time, each party updates and exchanges their financial disclosure on set dates to show changes - disclosing the most recent bank statements for example).

If Form E is incomplete info/docs/valuations missing, send the other party a letter of questionnaire asking for them (they can do the same).
If still incomplete info/docs/valuations missing, send the other party a letter of deficiencies asking for them (they can do the same).
If still missing, send a solicitor’s letter asking for them (they can do the same).
If still missing, apply for a court order to get the missing incomplete info/docs/valuations (they can do the same).
With the application for the court order for what is still missing, send the court the docs above in exhibits (evidence you've asked for it), list what is missing and ask for a court order compelling the other party to provide it – your ‘order sought’ (the court order may/may not include a penal notice).

Once all assets are disclosed and valued (where needed e.g. property, pensions, business) negotiations start.

In negotiations and deciding the split of assets, Apply Section 25 Factors. This is what the court use. Use a mediatorto help reach an agreement if appropriate (not in domestic abuse cases for example).
https://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/1973/18/section/25

Then, if the split of assets is agreed, the court may ratify this (at the court’s discretion).

(Form E is used prior to an agreement between parties and assists parties with reaching an agreement whereas the Form D81 is primarily used after an agreement has been reached and informs the court of the parties' assets in one concise document).

Research shows women miss out on pensions in divorce.
https://corporate-adviser.com/survey-reveals-how-women-miss-out-on-pension-on-divorce/#:~:text=A%20survey%20of%20400%20women,t%20sure%20whether%20they%20did

On pensions, get CETVs (cash equivalent transfer values) for each pension as part of Form E disclosure. Pension providers usually issue one per year free on request. Consider getting an actuary report on the pensions (pensions on divorce expert – PODE) report. They can provide figures for a 50/50 split of pensions (or another percentage), what income from the pensions would be expected, capital values, and they can factor in retirement ages of the parties etc.

Unex · 01/05/2024 19:13

@ansaunex
Thank you for all that information!
Are you solicitor? I think they the only people who understand it all!
I'm going to read it a few times
I'll be back with questions!
Honestly thanks again
I'm totally out of my depth with it tbh

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