Change in childcare arrangements

[Nimbus1999]

Currently doing 50/50 childcare arrangements on a 5522 basis with fixed week nights and alternative weekends Friday to Monday.

Since agreeing this, my ex has changed jobs and is now away most weekends Friday PM to Sun PM and the kids stay with family members during that time.

Do people think it’s reasonable to suggest that instead of Friday PM, the kids go to his / his family 4pm Sat instead? Then I get to spend Fri night & Sat day with my kids and they still get to spend a day with him / family members.

Is that fair?

He's not really parenting them if he's not there 🤷🏼‍♀️ I'd be inclined to have a discussion about it with him (if your able) as it's not really his parents / family's responsibility to take care of his kids!

That’s what I’m thinking. I’d much rather the opportunity to spend time with them if he is not even with them.

What’s the problem with staying with family once a fortnight? Everyone probably enjoys it

no different to parents working and usual childcare

It's quite a commitment though.. expecting your family to care for your kids EOW. Baffles me that these child arrangements are put in place and then (normally the dad) loses interest or conveniently takes a weekend job. I'm assuming he gives his family money in order to feed his kids and take them out.. seeing as he has 50/50 care meaning he pays no child support.

Surely it is different to normal daycare because he doesn’t see or speak to them from Friday to Sunday? Normal childcare you collect after work and take them home with you.

They don’t get taken out. They just stay indoors the entire time.

How old are the child?
are they ok going

have you had a conversation with your ex ?

They are ok going. My concern is our whole 50/50 arrangement (that we’re finalising now) is based on his parents looking after the kids most weekends. His Dad is nearly 80. What happens if anything happens to them and they can’t look after the kids? There doesn’t appear to be anyone else to step up (except me). Also, because it is 50/50, he doesn’t pay maintenance (or contribute towards 50% of shared costs) and it’s less likely to have one stable home (bought rather than renting) when the family home is sold. I’m just not sure I think it is right when he is not even with his kids! There are other concerns too.

Multiple things going on

id suggest 50:50 is probably not in the kids best interests based on what you describe. However, if he wants it and it’s currently working ok it’s likely to be awarded unless you can clearly demonstrate why it’s not in their interests and I’m not sure your argument will be enough

if you’re looking for higher share of children care as one way to argue for higher asset split that might also not work… both of you need housing suitable to house yourselves and children so your needs remain the same even if he drops to say 40%.

Another issue is that he doesn’t work and his Form E shows he is going to earn 12k in next year on a new business. I have no idea how he will support the kids half the time…. And the new business has no value. What happens if it fails? The kids will be left in poverty.

You are thinking too much into this and trying to make this an issue.

Nobody knows about the future.

Can you guarantee that you will not be faced with an emergency when the children are in your care?

If everything is working and the children are also happy, why let it continue as it stands?

He will need to figure out his own finances and how he’ll afford to live and provide for children

agree you are overthinking about things you can’t control