He spoke to me after 2 years

[WhatSusieDidNext]

Separated 2 years ago. Divorced nearly a year.

Silent treatment was an issue in the relationship and him ignoring me for 3 weeks was the catalyst for me filing. He then didn’t speak to me for 2 years, even in front of the kids.

Last week when I was collecting DD from his, he spoke to me, just a sentence about how her teddy was at a friend’s house.

Obviously it’s good if he’s going to be civil, but it’s completely thrown me. It’s got me wondering if I should have left…would things have improved if I stayed? Or is this just another aspect of his control because the silence isn’t effective now I’m in my own house.

I know it’s silly, but I’m really spiralling and could do with some support .

You shouldn't have left him because he obviously still loves you and is a good man because he's spoken to you once in two years...

I know you know how ridiculous that sounds and just need a hand hold to get over this slight bump in the road 😊❤️💐

Let me get this right.

He has given you the silent treatment for 2 years+ and has now said one sentence about a teddy. And now you wonder if you could have made it work after all and maybe you have made a mistake.

What on earth made you think that?

This

Youre divorced. That is closure.

He doesn’t want to get back with you because he’s said half a dozen words after two years about a teddy at someone else’s house. You should be glad to be out of that headfuckery.

This was a week ago and you're still dwelling on it. I think you should either find a self help book or seek counselling. Sorry

Thanks for all the replies. You are all absolutely right. I know I’m being ridiculous. It’s hard to explain but we were together a long time, then he changed after having kids - silent treatment, stonewalling, blaming me for everything - and eventually I couldn’t take it and I left and he didn’t speak to me for years, even in front of the children. I’ve found it so hard to comprehend that he doesn’t seem to be accountable at all. I’ve struggled with blaming myself for everything a lot. I need to give up hope that I’ll ever get an explanation or an apology, or just some recognition that it wasn’t all my fault, but it’s hard.

I’m years on from my divorce and sometimes when my ex is pleasant or funny (he generally wasn’t) I have a pang of “what if?” or “did I do the right thing?” I think it’s normal and human.

I don’t think you need to get a grip. It must have been really strange to have even this tiny breadcrumb after two years of silence. But it is just a breadcrumb. A morsel of basic, human decency.

I agree that therapy is excellent. I’ve been having it for four years now. I am with a student in their final year of training so it’s only £15 a session. I couldn’t afford it otherwise and it’s been so helpful.

I wish you well. This stuff is hard! And feeling better isn’t a straight line.

This.

You get one sentence in two years and you're wondering if you should have left.

Get a massive grip. Ridiculous.

It’s ok. I do know it’s ridiculous and I need to get a grip. I just don’t know how to. I’ve been trying so hard to deal with everything. I’m just having a wobble.

I think some people are being needlessly rude on here. You said yourself, you’ve been trying hard and this is a wobble. It’s a totally understandable wobble. You’ve recognised what it is, you’ve come on here to talk it through. You’ll move past it, I promise. You might have more moments like this to come (you probably will.) But it’s ok. You’re doing ok.

The silent treatment is one of the most insidious ways of abuse. It is controlling and tries to force you to change your behaviour. You could say him choosing to speak again is another way of use. Be glad you are where you are now.

Don't take these 'get a grip' and 'give your head a wobble' comments to heart. We know you're just having a moment and it's good you've posted here for support. Some people can be a wee bit too enthusiastic in sharing their advice ❤️