it is not wise to accept any advice that encourages you not to get full financial disclosure from both parties before negotiating and agreeing a financial settlement.
Full and frank disclosure is a legal requirement. It is vital.
I understand you feel overwhelmed but do persevere and work through the process bit by bit.
Look after the older woman you will become finacially.
This includes getting documentary evidence on the value of each and every asset - for example cash equivalent transfer values of pensions.
It is unwise to assume pensions are like for like, and on the basis of no factual evidence to leave pensions out.
The poster who did not get full and frank financial disclosure - ie leaving pensions out while not getting pension values / an independent actuary report on all pensions - cannot tell you with any surety that they got a fair or good settlement. They would not be able to produce evidence either way. They can assert it but they cannot prove it with facts.
Who knows what the pensions were worth and where in the evidence?
Even pensions of the same or similar capital value can have different income outcomes or benefits. There are so many contextual elements and variables to consider. They could of course be an actuary but even then they would need CETVs, further pension and contextual information for their analysis - and would benefit from an independent report.
Without CETVs, and/or without an actuary/ pensions on divorce report, the parties have no evidence on which to base their agreements.
There are lots of studies and surveys that show women are missing out re pensions on divorce
https://corporate-adviser.com/survey-reveals-how-women-miss-out-on-pension-on-divorce/amp/
Anyone who intimates or tells you it was ok for them, or that it’s ok for you,not to have full and complete information before entering into really important negotiations and making vital decisions about your financial future, is just not acting in your best interest.
Information and knowledge is power.
Do get it.
Once you have all the information you have the opportunity and are equipped to make informed and committed decisions about your finances and future.
Take heart, persevere, look after yourself and the very best of luck.