Should i stay or should i go ?

[chocolateorange1]

Hi. Advice please. My first Mums net question. I guess I am asking for people’s experience of the effect on early teenage children of divorce. My story is - married 20 years. 3 children 12 to 15. Relationship with husband has drifted over last 5 years to point where hardly talk, living separate lives under the same roof, I don't love him anymore, we have no ‘connection’ other than the children. The thought of spending the next 30 years like this fills me with horror. Have tried to turn it around but always goes back to the same place within days. I want to leave him and financially am able but am obviously hugely concerned about the children’s welfare. They are very aware that all is not right. I don’t want them growing up in an unhappy household with a poisonous roll model for marriage with their parents at loggerheads. He finds it very difficult to talk / express emotion. I am happy to have him as a friend and Father of my children but not as my life partner.
Any advice re the effect on children (boy and girls) would be very welcome. How to handle? What not to do? How to present? Thank you everyone. __

I am leaving my husband of 10 years with young kids for this reason. It's been like this for majority. I am racked with guilt but I don't know what else to do. All I can say is I empathise.

Thank you so much for responding. Guess there is no ‘answer’. Do you know anyone who has done this, would be so interesting to know their experience, any advice. Thank you again.

I think children thrive much better with two separated parents than living in a household where the atmosphere can be cut with a knife.

They are teenagers, they're not stupid. You're also not showing them a great role model for their future.

I've been divorced for years. My son is now an adult and well adjusted in life. I dread to think how he'd have turned out if we'd stayed together living in hostility.

Children are very resilient but they need a calm home.

Me and my husband seperated last September. We hadn't been getting on for a very long time. No sex for about 3 years, arguing. I'm in the process of buying him out. And, to be honest, I couldn't be happier!
Yes, I'm going to have a mortgage, after not having one. But there's no more arguments. We talk for our 11 year old son's sake. We actually get on better now we're apart.
My son has had some moments of being upset. I've explained to him that we couldn't stay together the way we were. And that we were both happier. Although we both still love him very much. He seems to have accepted it now.
His dad is in the process of buying somewhere which is a 5 minute walk away which will make it easier again for him to visit.

I'm here for the answers. Exact same situation @chocolateorange1 I'm actually thinking of seeing a counsellor to ask for advice on the best way to approach telling the kids what I plan to do.

I don’t understand men tbh. They probably don’t see it this way but it takes so little to make most women happy. A bit of interest. A bit of connection. A little improved communication.

Why is it so hard to talk to someone you’ve been with for over two decades? I don’t get it.

I know a lot of men are under pressure at work but so are women nowadays.

Makes me sad. Sorry you are going through it op. It’s truly crap 💐