Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Guilt of Divorce

3 replies

Boreda1985 · 05/04/2024 21:42

My exH have been separated for two years now. We have two DC together who are 10 and 12.

He has always struggled with depression and its had a massive effect on our marriage. By the end he had become controlling, volatile and withdrawn. He took all his pain and frustration out on me and was becoming aggressive. I tried to support him for years, but nothing I did helped and in the end I couldn't take it anymore.

He has been very difficult during the divorce process, very angry, then upset, then swearing and shouting at me and then crying and reminding me of the good times. Its been awful.

But, I realise that a lot of his anger is because of hurt. He knows he has lost me, the DC see him once or twice a week (his choice) and he tells me that he is very lonely and has nobody to talk to as he lives alone now.

In the end, i ended the marriage and I'm finding guilt very difficult to deal with. Sometimes, I can be sitting having tea with the DC and I get massive waves of guilt at the thought of him being alone. I can't enjoy everyday things like walking the dog or days out with the kids because I know that he would like to be there.

He has treated me appalingly, and I know I need to move on but the guilt and feelings of sadness are awful. I feel as though I'll be worrying about him forever.

Has anyone experienced this?

OP posts:
TimeToTurnItAround · 05/04/2024 22:30

I don't have advice. Only to say it is the guilt that is stopping me from leaving. But you've already been braver than me and done the difficult thing. Just remember he is a fully grown adult and responsible foe his own happiness. You are not his keeper. Sounds like he spent about 0 hours worrying about your happiness when you were married. I'm sure he feels bad now but only because it affects him.

Tosca23 · 06/04/2024 09:20

Look after you and your kids. You are not responsible for your exs happiness. Try not to carry that. I’m sure you tried your best to fix the marriage, it didn’t work.

Your ex might not be able to see it now but he might meet someone else and be happier yet in any event. You might both be happier with other people 2 years from now.

vincettenoir · 06/04/2024 09:25

Even though you are the one that has decided to leave this is still very difficult for you. That is completely understandable.

However it sounds unusual to feel this level of guilt. Maybe guilt played a bit part in your childhood and it’s a feeling that you find difficult to shift. If this persists it might be worth exploring with a counsellor. This guilt sounds like a distortion and it would help to recognise that.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page