Positive thoughts needed - divorce pending!

[macieg123]

It’s a long one so please stick with me…

Me and my husband had been so blissfully happy for a long time (14 years together, 7 years married). We rarely fought, had sex regularly, had a beautiful home and two amazing little girls - they’ll be turning 1 and 4 later this month!

I found out in February that my husband has been messaging a girl from work - supposedly just messaging (fucking liar!!). When I found out, my husband basically told me he didn’t want to be in the marriage any more as his heart was no longer in it but swore it was nothing to do with this girl, it’s just that the situation with this girl “made him realise something was missing with us but he didn’t know what”. He tells me I’ve done absolutely nothing wrong, I’m a great wife and mum and we had a really happy marriage… but a week after we separated he was already taking this woman on dates and she’s the background on his phone (replaced the pic of his kids!) so to say he didn’t leave with the intention of going to her is a crock of shit!

I’m just feeling so terrible. I have good days where the anger kicks in and I think he’s an arsehole, tell myself anyone capable of leaving a young family in this way with no warning sign, no attempt to work at things, nothing at all (he met this other girl when my youngest was 4 months old and within an hour of telling me he was leaving, he’d packed his stuff and gone - my 3 year old was absolutely distraught and so confused) but then I have terrible days like today where I think I’ve lost the absolute love of my life, all the plans we had for the future (along with all my financial security as he convinced me to be a SAHM!) have gone.

I’m also convinced I’m going to be alone and single (I know some people are happy to be single but I really want to be in a relationship again some day!) forever. I have 2 young kids, a post baby body with stretch marks and loose skin and zero finances.

please please please can someone give me some positive stories about these situations. Did you ever find love again?? Did you husband ever want to come back so you got the satisfaction of telling him to get fucked??

im 34 and literally feel like my life is over.

please help! Xx

@macieg123 - First, I am so sorry that you are at this juncture of your life and it is so very hard.

Going forward, there are several things you have to deal with.

• Coming in terms with what has happened and the fact that your DH has moved on so quickly.
• Giving up on the dreams you had for yourself and your family with your DH.
• Finding a version of yourself again that will help you get through this phase.
• Being strong for your little girls (The good thing is that they are so young you have some control over what they remember about this and how it could impact them as adults)
• Society, friends and family
• Showing up alone at events and to be strong through it

My only advice for you at this point in time is to try and take your mind off:

• The what, why, when, and how your DH did the things he did.
• Why did your marriage break down. You said it was perfect, but it wasn't. But there is not point in looking at it at this point in time as you cannot change much.
• What the future holds, will he return back to your family or will he move on. In my opinion, these are not the things you should prepare for or focus on.

You need to focus on you. If everything is so fresh, and painful you have to try and not think about it (for a few weeks), until you can think more clearly, less emotionally.

Take one day at a time, put one foot in front of the other so you don't get overwhelmed. Make time for activities that bring you some happiness and distraction. Spend time with your children, friends, exercise, pursue a hobby. Take care of your physical and emotional health. You will be able to cope with everything better when you feel different from what you feel right now.

You are not betraying your marriage, husband, and responsibilities as a single parent. You are just taking time to find yourself and build your strength. One day at a time. Make it is a point to be proud of the things you do during this period.

The only way is forward. Move on. Whatever moving on means to you right now...

Wishing you strength, hope, and happiness. There is plenty if you look for it in the right places.

Sorry you are going through this. It is the worst pain to find out that the person you trusted and loved is not who you thought they were. It is hard to come to terms with and unfortunately you have to go through grieving for the partner you thought you had and the future you thought you’d have together. Tears may come at unexpected times and the whole thing will take time. Therapy may help if you can afford it.

Distractions can help - and exercise. Have you got support and time away from the kids? Can you go on walks, swimming or anything like that to help you feel a little bit better. Have you got supportive family or friends that can help support you. Lean on them a little.

Things will get better but its going to be rough and painful in the short term. You will get through this.