School fees vs CMS

[AliBear24]

I separated two years ago and agreed I would not ask my ex for maintenance as he was paying the school fees for our three children. I have recently found out he only pays for one child and his parents pay the rest. Should I ask him for maintenance?
for the last two years I have paid for all the rent, bills, transport costs, food etc and I have the kids 95% of the time as he is renting a room in a house and can’t house the kids. I have gone back to full time work to afford to be able to do this.

To complicate matters, i received an inheritance gift - which allowed us to pay off our mortgage - one week before I discovered my husband was having an affair which resulted in our separation. He says he won’t come after that money but I’m worried if I ask him for maintenance then he will claim half of it. My parents would not have transferred the money if they knew the truth of what was going on and the stress of this whole situation resulted in my father having a stroke shortly after my separation.
what would you do in my situation? Thanks

I would leave it. The school fees are still being paid

The school fees are being paid which is what you wanted to happen. Any private arrangement he has between him and his parents is exactly that.

If you go for maintenance perhaps he will stop paying fees and so will his parents and you would either need to fund these yourself or your kids would need to leave and attend state school instead. So which is the best case scenario for you. I am guessing the status quo.

As you are staying in the house, you would be expected to pay the bills and mortgage etc as you have exclusive use of the house, with him paying cms and the school fees divided equally. Or you’d be expected to sell if you couldn’t afford that. Rented accommodation is considered suitable, even when children are involved.
It is really sad for him and the children that he cannot afford to house them in order for him to have some overnight stays. A court would always aim to achieve a split that means both parties can have overnights and, as you’re paying school fees, I assume this isn’t a case where basic needs are being struggled to be met.
It sounds like the house should be sold and the equity split appropriately so that he can meet his own housing needs to include the children staying. Perhaps his parents are paying because he can’t afford to along with his own rent and living costs? How generous of them to do that for their son and grandchildren.
You aren’t paying for them, so how the arrangement is being met is neither here nor there. He is upholding his end of the bargain.
What would be a fair situation? That he pays you maintenance and half the school fees or you don’t ask for maintenance and he organise how the fees are paid?
In court, they would be far more concerned with how the housing needs of both parties are being met than anything else.

Leave it, the school fees are being paid and it's likely they cost more than what you could get on CMS.

If you went through CMS and his parents stopped paying could you make up the shortfall with your earnings and what you would get through CMS? If not leave it.

Also, he wouldn’t be coming after your money. In divorce all the assets including the full equity in the house, savings, pensions, inheritances are put in the pot and shared between you appropriately to meet the needs of both parties and you’d be expected to work full time, as would he.
This might mean a 50/50 split with him paying CMS and sharing school fees or you might get more of the equity to meet the children’s housing needs if they stay more often with you or because you are the lower earner - a solicitor can advise on that.

The school fees will be coming out of money he might expect to inherit (which you will have no right to post divorce) so in a way he is paying and out of money he doesn’t have to allow to benefit you or the children (since it isn’t his yet).

I am assuming the cost of three sets of school fees is far more than you would get in CMS.

Your inheritance and therefore the total amount of the value of the house would absolutely form part of the family ‘pot’. He probably wouldn’t get half since you have the children full time but equally, he could argue he should get half (or more) because the way things are set up at the moment means he can’t have the children stay with him.

I’m assuming the school fees are at least £30,000 a year. The chances of you getting that in child maintenance is nil unless he’s a multimillionaire (which I assume he’s not or he wouldn’t be living in a rented room).

My advice would be to progress the divorce and get the school fees written into a binding financial order because at the moment he could stop paying tomorrow, claim half the family assets and be ordered to pay at most £1000 a month (again, unless he’s a very high earner) in child maintenance.

At the moment he’s being generous. If he’s like most ex husbands that will last until he stops feeling guilty or a new girlfriend persuades him he’s being taken advantage of by his ex wife (by being expected to support his own children - I didn’t say I agreed, just that I can see it coming).