Husband wants to ‘split’ house 60/40 on divorce

[AliceKeely]

Asking here for a friend (that I’m worried about). Her husband told her around a year ago he wants a divorce. They’re late 40s, been together 25+ yrs, 2 kids 18 & 20. She didn’t agree to the divorce so he went ahead as a sole applicant but has remained living at home with her. He has historically earned more than her until recently, when he dropped to part time hours, so they’re now roughly equal take home pay. He has been saying he’ll be leaving once their youngest finishes A Level exams this summer. Despite all the time he’s had to think & plan, he’s said to her this week he plans to leave, go to an airbnb in short-medium term and to ‘split the house’ 60/40 in her favour. By this he means she’d own 60%, but he’s letting her stay in the family home, but if she ever wished to buy him out he’d want 40% as the deal. She’s repeatedly asked him to delay the divorce, separate and take the pressure off finalising arrangements like this as, although he is a lawyer, this is by no means his area.

He’s also said she can have one of his pensions as he has two and she doesn’t have one, but that she must continue to pay into it. I don’t even know if this is something you can do.

I suppose I’m wondering how best to advise her. I think she needs to get legal advice (he says he’s got a ‘bullet point plan’ and I think when she gets this should just take this to a lawyer). But I want her to get her money’s worth from seeing a lawyer so wonder if anyone has been in a similar position and has broad or specific pointers? It seems to me he is calling all the shots, feeling pleased with himself about the 60/40 split idea - and I also suspect he plans to somehow continue to base himself in the ‘family home’ - keep his belongings there for e.g.Psychologically my friend is doing amazingly well but she needs some element of control and I don’t want her to sleep walk into agreeing to stuff. He’s discouraging a lawyer at this stage as he’s saying it’ll cost precious money & then he won’t be able to ‘give’ her as much.
Any advice appreciated xx

1. Get a solicitor appointment booked
2. Get a solicitor appointment booked.
3. Get a solicitor appointment booked

You get the idea.

my STBEH didn't want to use a solicitor. I did not listen ,did not trust him. Probably going to cost me £10k but I'd have lost a lot more otherwise.

The only advice anyone can give is to tell her to see a solicitor. She needs to get legal advice asap.

Also, he doesn't get to give her anything. It's not for him to decide what she gets.

This! My ex husband tried to fob me off with £5k, l got well over x12 that. No one cares what her soon to be ex husband thinks

He's not 'giving' her anything. It is theirs and she is entitled to her share in a split.

What a twat. If he's a lawyer himself he knows very well what he's doing by trying to sidestep independent advice.

This arrangement where they continue with the house and her potentially having to buy him out one day, and him keeping stuff there is a disaster waiting to happen.

A clean break is the way to go.

Agree with pp. She needs her own solicitor immediately. If he's giving her more than half the house AND a pension - what is he hiding from her?

BTW is the house mortgage free? And I've never heard of someone getting their spouse's pension but still paying into it - surely there are tax implications to that?

He’s up to something. She is on the back foot, while he’s reduced his earnings and clearly is getting his ducks in a row.

She needs to start paying attention to his finances and get a solicitor.
she needs to stop veering control to him on this and get what she’s entitled to. It’s happening regardless

I think he’s mentally fragile, hates the idea of being a bad guy so is trying to offer a generous split. I do think he’s a misogynist, pompous and not to be trusted to ‘sort everything out’. Thanks for the advice!

Solicitor needed for sure and he needs to work out the value of the pensions and split them not just give one to her (he could be keeping a £500k one and giving her a little £50k pot!).

in terms of her wellbeing I’d want to properly split the house and for her to move somewhere that is 100% hers so she doesn’t have him waltzing back in, storing stuff etc. Could 60% get her a smaller place outright or could she get a small mortgage to get somewhere?

Waiting until the children are adults is a bit canny. They don’t count for financial settlements but very much need onward support.
I bet you a million dollars he is not planning to house them himself.

It isn't for the husband to decide how much the pension is worth. You need a professional to do that. Will cost £1500-2500 ish.

edited for autocorrect

If both DC are 18 there are no dependent DC left in the marriage. If he's offered her 60 percent of the equity she won't get more awarded in court. If he's offered her one of his pensions she should insist on pension sharing so she gets exactly the same as he does. He can't dictate she pays I to it after divorce though.

Thanks so much

@caringcarer she might get more than 60% of the equity if the pension he is planning to keep is worth more than the other assets. My friend retained the entire equity because the value of her husbands pension was worth the same and that’s what they agreed. The point is that all of the assets, pensions, shares, whatever else they have got - will be put into the pot and whether she took time out of work to raise the children, etc, will be considered and then an equitable split will be arrived at. She needs to arm herself with as much info as she can lay her hands on, see a solicitor and agree something once they’ve both made a full financial disclosure so that they leave the marriage on an equal footing. As it has been a very long marriage, all assets are shared and he will not be ‘giving’ her anything as it is already theirs - not his to give.
I agree with other posters - she needs a clean break. A one off consultation for a couple of hundred pounds will really help to clarify what her share might look like - and what she shouldn’t agree to.

Thanks so much for this

I think the guy is doing the right think. Obviously, she need professional legal advice to make sure she doesn’t loose in the process but it should be fairly simple: all assets together, then divided by two, equally. I don’t see why either part should get more that that after a 25 year marriage and 2 kids.

The split would also take into account what their earning potential would be if they both work full time, it wouldn’t be based on him working part time and her working full time, if that’s the case. So make sure she has an idea of the difference in income before he went full time - (he could easily return to full time once an agreement has been made). They would both be expected to maximise their income
@Shouldigoforarunorhavepancakes the guy isn’t doing the right thing if his pension is going to be much larger than hers and much more than the extra 10 % equity - this is even more the case in a very long marriage where she took time out of work to have their two children and may now be working full time while he works part time to ensure their earnings appear equal.

No one here knows whether he is trying to shaft her or is actually being very fair

for a marriage that long 50:50 is often the ( if overall assets done could be higher /less)

she does need a solicitor to advise her but

they could do a pension sharing order where his pension is transferred to her-she could then continue to pay in

the house should either be sold to release his share of equity ( 40% might be fair we don’t know) or she’ll need to look to buy him out. Living together, changing ownership is not the way forward imo and I don’t see a reason for a mesher order ( whereby sale is deferred - asking for trouble if you ask me)

both parties need to able to adequately house themselves to similar std

she also needs to stop delaying and actually engage in the process to split -she’s had a year already by the sounds of it

That is why I said “take all assets into account”.

The guy is unhappy and he did plan a staged, friendly exit. I think that he is doing the right thing. The fact that she doesn’t agree to divorce (and therefore keep him in a relationship that he no longer wants) does not speak well about her, tbh.

I think he planned to wait until after their DS finished A Level. Things are complicated I guess.

@Shouldigoforarunorhavepancakes yes you did say that all assets would be split 50%, that’s correct, and I’d agree with that - unless he is lowering his income deliberately by going part time until his divorce is sorted, to then up his hours to full time again and earn perhaps twice OPs? In which case, if her career was affected by raising the children, she might have slightly more than 50% of the assets to offset that. His offer could be very fair if the two pensions have the same value, we don’t know because we don’t have that sort of information.
It might be better for them to sell the house and split the equity now so that they can have a clean break. Otherwise the 40-50 % of equity that she will need to give him in the future will always be hanging over her. He could suddenly request she pay it or sell the house, which he’d be entitled to do - if it’s sold now, she will have some control too. Equally, if the pension he plans on keeping is worth a lot more than the other, it could be that that can be offset against the equity and she may be able to buy him out now with a smaller sum? She shouldn’t agree anything until they’ve got all the information.

My thoughts are , if he is offering what looks reasonable then what is he hiding

Is he going to pay towards youngest’s university, What savings has he got, does he own other property, business etc

The starting point is 50/50
Your friend could find she could take the house and he can keep his pension

I think he has been planning this divorce for years and kept his intentions hidden.
So what else and who else has he got hidden

Solicitor and financial discovery from around the time he went part time

I think he wants a divorce but doesn’t want to give up control

He will “let” his ex wife stay in the house and own 60% so he can have a say in her life and if she doesn’t do as she is told he will have the house sold

He will “give” her one of his pensions (but insists she continues to pay into it.

It might look like he is being generous but he isn’t actually letting her have anything that she has 100% control over

Has your friend looked into coercive control as judging by his “offerings” I get the impression he has been planning this divorce meticulously for years and what he has offered might initially look generous but none of it indicates that he is willing to give up control of anything

So he has no financial responsibility for them when he reverts to FT hours? Sounds familiar.......... It is critical that she gets independent advice and also make it clear when he reduced his working hours. As pp have said a shared pension order and clean break.

I agree he did plan his exit very well. Timed to coincide with youngest leaving school and turning 18

Reducing his hours,

He is keeping himself in this “marriage” even after divorce as the things he is offering still have him in control of her. He is the one who can’t let go