Guilt trip! Should I give another chance?

[Lost2twins]

So I told my other half I’m leaving. At first we discussed it really easily and he was offering help. Not making fuss over suggested access with kids. Today he is in pieces, I’m his everything, lost without me, he will change, things will be better, We need to try.

But I don’t won’t to give up the house iv been offered, what happens if it all goes back to the same. They weren’t overnight issues, things have been like this for years and he hasn’t cared how upset iv been, Or that iv been taking the load.
But iv got serious guilt over breaking up the family and that he’s so upset.

[MrsDanversGlidesAgain]

Today he is in pieces, I’m his everything, lost without me, he will change, things will be better, We need to try

Same old, same old, seen it on so many threads on here. If he can change why has it taken the threat of you walking to do it? you say yourself he doesn't care about upsetting you.

I can tell you how it'll go. You decide to give him another chance, he changes for a bit then it gets too much like hard work and he's back to how he was except now he knows what buttons to push and all he has to do is turn on the guilt trip about taking his kids, nothing left to live for, might as well end it all....

I see the guilt about 'breaking up the family' as well. Who's behaviour is doing that by driving you to want out? it isn't yours.

[MrsDanversGlidesAgain]

If you ask for this to be moved to Relationships you'll get a lot of good advice.

[BirthdayRainbow]

People can advise no matter the topic.

Of course he'll change. He's realised you mean it.

Carry on. Start a new life.

[Mumof3confused]

It’s just a tactic. Why didn’t he change when you told him there were issues? Clearly he only cares now that it’s going to have a consequence for HIM

[GrumpyPanda]

Don't you dare give up the new house. You've said it yourself - he's never cared you were upset.

[FormerlyPathologicallyHappy]

Probably more concerned he’ll lose half his pension, have to sell the house if you own it, have to pay child support, have to care for the kids on his own, have to do his own cleaning and washing.

[Scarletttulips]

You move into the new house and see how it goes, you’ll be calmer and more in control - he can still see the kids - I mean he can still see you if that’s what you’re asking -

But don’t give up a house for his tears.

[Lost2twins]

Thank you all, we have spent the weekend playing nice.

Hes looking at a new puppy, booking a holiday. Playing super dad. Engaging with the kids more in one weekend than the past 5months!
Hasn’t once tried to discuss what the issues are or how we address them! Brushing it all under the carpet again. I know it will all be nice until he can’t be arsed again and il be in a worse position.

[BirthdayRainbow]

Then don't let him. You don't need his permission to end the marriage.

[determinedtomakethiswork]

Take control over the situation. And for God's sake don't let him buy a puppy or promise a puppy to the children. You will be the one ending up with that puppy and all the work that goes with it. If you do want a dog get one in your own time. He's doing the Disney dad thing already.

[2022NewTimes]

@Lost2twins

Thank you all, we have spent the weekend playing nice.

Hes looking at a new puppy, booking a holiday. Playing super dad. Engaging with the kids more in one weekend than the past 5months!
Hasn’t once tried to discuss what the issues are or how we address them! Brushing it all under the carpet again. I know it will all be nice until he can’t be arsed again and il be in a worse position.

@Lost2twins they don't change - not without really wanting to and a lot of therapy..... how would he act if you insisted on discussion your issues right now ?

If you stay he may behave for a while - but will revert to type eventually. He has previously shown you how he is......Believe him....

I wasted 29 years on someone like this - I left two years ago and will never go back ever - best thing I ever did......

[Janpoppy]

If he is serious about wanting to fix the relationship he can do this after you have moved out; there's nothing to stop you from having a fresh start in the future if you are separated. But you've done the hard work to get a new place, and he hasn't demonstrated he can change his behaviour previously, so stick to your plan while you have the momentum. Move out gives you space to yourself to think, and it also gives you options and a sense of freedom, rather then being stuck.