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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Rights to the children

4 replies

fiesta · 27/03/2024 11:08

Hi all I wasn't sure whether to post this is legal matters but thought maybe this might be more appropriate here as its an issue involving a separation. Apologies for being long I just don't want to drip feed.

I have a relative who separated with her husband 4 years ago during the pandemic. Prior to this he would only pay rent but not pay for anything else, including bills, childcare , clothes for the kids, and food. All he paid was rent.

After they separated, they still lived in the same town but he would hardly see them, and most times when she would ask him to take the kids over the weekend, he would say he was working.

He would sporadically give her 200 pounds a month for the kids whenever he wanted, and she would have to chase him. And when she did this, he would sometimes give ot to her. Sometimes, he would ignore.

A couple of years ago, a career of an opportunity of a lifetime came up for her in another UK country, so think moving from Wales to Scotland that sort of thing. She brings them back every few months when she visits the area and always asks the kids if they want to see their dad. This is the only time they've seen him except for 1 time when he went up there. She has never stopped him from having the kids at all. But he never asks for them. At one point, he even told them he was emigrating.

She asked him if it was okay to take the kids who were preteen at this point and he said that was ok and wished her luck.
Fast forward 2 years later, she took him to child maintenance, and due to his high salary, he is now forced to pay her 700 a month. He has been paying this for a couple of months now.

Now, here is the issue. A few days back one of the kids asked for money for a school trip, and he turned around and said, "Your mum has taken me to court so that's your money for the trip.

When she confronted him, he started saying that she is using the kids to pay her bills and that the house she lives in is not fit for purpose and that he is a better home. He even insinuated that one of the kids was not dressed properly therefore she was financially not taking care of them and that she should bring the kids over and he won't ask for a cent as she is using the child maintenance for her bills. Which is not true by the way the teenager had decided to wear something of her mums that day.

Now this this sounds like a threat to take the kids away. I guess my question is, realistically, what are the chances that he could be awarded custody to these kids if he were to take her to court. Cos honestly, he normally doesn't bother with them. It sounds like he just doesn't want to pay child maintenance. He has a new partner so not sure if this is influencing him.

Please kindly advise.

OP posts:
Pickles2023 · 27/03/2024 11:49

No there is a long trail of him not wanting to have anything to do with them. Plus this accusation coininciding with the month cms ask him to pay.

If you have any messages from him over the years of him saying won't have them and a sort of document trail.

I think the court question would be after all these years, you suddenly care now? Plus he is a stranger to them, he doesn't know them. They wouldn't give custody to a stranger. Sounds like the kids are teens too, so they will decide.

fiesta · 27/03/2024 12:07

Pickles2023 · 27/03/2024 11:49

No there is a long trail of him not wanting to have anything to do with them. Plus this accusation coininciding with the month cms ask him to pay.

If you have any messages from him over the years of him saying won't have them and a sort of document trail.

I think the court question would be after all these years, you suddenly care now? Plus he is a stranger to them, he doesn't know them. They wouldn't give custody to a stranger. Sounds like the kids are teens too, so they will decide.

Thank you so much for your response. One of the kids is a teen yes and my relative is just afraid that as he now outearns her by a mile long he might justify this by saying he is the better parent. He really never used to bother with them much even when he was living under the same roof as them.

OP posts:
Redlarge · 27/03/2024 12:10

Next to zero chance. He can say what he wants. The kids will be asked what they want... if it even gets that far.

Sunshineandwaterfalls · 27/03/2024 19:50

Next to zero chance, sounds like me is annoyed he finally has it pay… she should ignore his threats

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