Separating when one person doesn't respond

[SeparationHelpNeededPlease]

After years of living in an emotionally abusive marriage, my friend has finally told his wife that he wants to separate. She is taking it extremely badly and is making it impossible for him to move forwards with the separation (she has a history of mental health problems). He can't discuss anything with her as she just stares blankly and won't respond. She is acting very strangely, wandering round the streets of their town until the early hours of the morning, threatening to end her life, saying she will never be able to work again and so on. There are children involved, so he can't just leave (he doesn't think they are safe with her) and so he feels very stuck. He's advised her to get a solicitor but she won't.

Any thoughts or advice? She really needs counselling/mental health treatment but refuses to accept this.

Has he seen a solicitor? Is the house in both names? Can it be put on the market to try and spark a response ? Or look into mediation? Or file for divorce? I think he needs to take some kind of action which will encourage her to respond.
Can he rent somewhere else and take the children with him if there are safeguarding issues (but obviously still having contact with mum?)
A solicitor is probably the best person to advise - it sounds like a difficult situation. Can he contact their doctor re services who may be able to help with mental health?

She is acting very strangely, wandering round the streets of their town until the early hours of the morning, threatening to end her life, saying she will never be able to work again and so on.

Crisis mental health services. At the very least he needs to alert someone to this, and/or take care of the basic health needs of his wife and the children's mother (for their sake) when she is unable to.

If she gets the MH help she needs, then maybe negotiating a way forwards will become significantly easier. Serious crises, such as wandering around town vocally suicidal should be the one time that it is definitely possible to access NHS help.

Social services self-referral might also be worth considering, to secure the children a safe living environment while their mother is unwell. They might also be able to trigger MH referrals.

The other obvious thing to try is her family. What's the situation there? Anyone?

Is it mental health issues alone, or partly a continuation of the emotional abuse? This is a tactic abusive men deploy (‘I’ll kill myself if you leave’).

He can ring the GP for her, but he should also proceed with the divorce, if that is what he wants. He also needs to note everything down and keep his lawyer updated if he doesn’t feel the children are safe with her, and ideally look to find somewhere safe for them all (can he rent short term?). The DC are the priority.

Reaching out to her family was a good suggestion also

Thanks everyone. The difficult thing with MH services is that she has to be willing to accept help - and she isn't. They came close to her being sectioned so,e time ago (she was in hospital) but she kept insisting that she was fine so the MH team let her go. My friend wanted to tell them the things she had said and done but they needed her permission for him to share this info (!). She refused permission so they said there's nothing they could do. We have very little faith in the MH system now because of this. She has also said he's not allowed to tell anyone about her suicidal thoughts! (though I guess he has to ignore that if she says it again).

No family around, really.

He did take her to the GP but she just sat there saying nothing so GP couldn't do anything.

I guess I'm hoping that in time she will come to accept it. He's speaking with a solicitor later this week. Thanks for your advice, everyone.

He can report her threats of self harm. He has no duty of confidentiality to her. You need to get social services involved.