28th wedding anniversary tomorrow and I'm spending it reviewing our draft separation agreement...

[BigBoysDontCry]

I'm glad really, we've been pissing about being miserable for far too long and I'm getting grumpy and frustrated now just wanting to be free but trying to keep it amicable.

Happy anniversary to me 😂

Happy Anniversary reviewing your draft separation agreement day!! I think that calls for chocolate!...or something.

Well done for getting this far.

I just paid my first solicitor fee for divorce

Thank you and congrats on paying your freedom tax 😂

I'm only divorcing!... not getting rid of my kids just yet 😂😂

Are you living separately yet?

I'm not getting rid of mine either but they are in their 20s.

I'm afraid not but he's currently got a bid in for a flat so I hope he gets it.

I'm staying in the house as DC still need a home and I need to get a mortgage so it's now all a rush. I can't get a mortgage to give him all the money he is due while he is still on the deeds but he doesn't want to take his name off until he has bought somewhere and has his money...

So riddle me how the fuck that's supposed to work? Conveyancing have said that he can technically have his name on both properties but it'll cost £8k which he can claim back. But in order to make sure he has the money to pay for the flat while waiting on the mortgage, we have to use every penny of both of our savings, so where is this £8k coming from then knob head?

Anyway, he's worried that as soon as he takes his name off the deeds, I'll kick him out, hence the now rush to get a separation agreement in place. I spoke to the Lawyer on Wednesday at 5pm and the papers arrived this morning. Work has been a mare though so my head is too wasted to read it properly. Hence it's a tomorrow job. Along with sorting out a new bank account etc.

What's your situation and how are you coping?

Oh gosh that's complicated. There's so many little annoying steps isn't there.

My husband's only parent died a year ago so he's using the inheritance money (I've never seen that as mine) to buy me out. At first I hated the idea but since the kids will mainly be with me, I like that their time with him, at his will feel like home, since it's where they have grown up.

The house that I will be able to afford will be a doer upper...hopefully he will keep to his word and help me get set up.

I have good and bad days. Thankfully my dad is paying for a solicitor for me. Hopefully I can just use them to advise me on how to split the finances rather than to actually represent me.

Is he moving far? How's your DC getting on?

So you are pretty amicable. In theory we are too as I just don't see the point in fighting, I just want out.

He keeps talking about being fair, I've said we need to just be equal (as it will never be fair imo).

At the end of the day, I've always earned the most, I've always done the most and we basically wouldn't have this house or savings if it wasn't for me. Some of that savings is a small amount I got when my mum died. I paid our mortgage off with money from a pension. I'm having to give him all the tax free cash from my remaining pensions and take out a mortgage again to buy out his share of the house.

Anyway, it's just a countdown now, he thinks he's basically a decent person, I'm not sure he'd agree with my view of him at times. He's not had an affair or beat me up etc but that's a pretty fuckin low bar to set imo.

I think we could have a more civil relationship if we weren't in the same house, I'd like us to be able to attend things with our DC even though we are apart.

I think you have a harder job as it sounds like your DC are younger and you'll need to coparent for many years.

I do laugh to myself when I think of him having to decide what to eat every night for the rest of his life instead if that being my job 😂

He's not going far if he gets this flat. We are both working so can't really go far.

DS1 is 23, he's very clever but autistic and struggling to get a proper graduate job as he finds communication difficult. It's hard to tell what he thinks to be honest. I think he's fine. He lives at home so will continue to do so and isn't financially independent. DS2 is 22 and in theory is about to graduate. He lives away in uni city with his girlfriend. However he is struggling with anxiety and concentration (he is dyspraxic) so isn't actually currently doing his uni course. Ex has no idea as its not my story to tell and he makes no effort to speak to him. He's such a lovely lad but has no income (looking for a job) so I'm giving him a lot of money which is going to be more of a struggle on one income and with a mortgage to pay. He totally understands why we are splitting but I am careful not to bitch to him about his dad as that's not fair. Ex isn't shy about bitching to me about DC though... 🙄

I think ex thinks he's a good parent too and I do think he does love them but I'm effectively a single parent.

It won't matter if your new place is a doer upper, it will be yours and DCs and it will be filled with love and care. I really hope it all works out for you. You are braver than I am.

I'm angry that I've let it drift all these years and wasted so much of my life.

Yes no cheating or abuse here either...which seems to be a rare thing on mn!

Yes mine are 3 and 8. It's not the life I wanted for them at all...so the least we can do is remain amicable and not bad mouth eachother to them.

It sounds difficult for you not to worry about your DC. I hope that they both find suitable employment and study. The world is gradually getting more ND accepting.

Oh you'll get to cook what you want when you want....just for you and DC! That's nice.

Your DC will hopefully have 2 happy parents and homes, they'll be fine 😊

We can get on fine on a day to day basis but there is too much underlying resentment now for either of us to be happy together.

I'll have a few extra tasks to do but DS1 will have to step up a bit and help more. On the other hand ex will maybe get a bit of a wake up call dealing with all the things I normally do. It'll also be up to him to maintain his own relationship with DSs. To be fair he is trying to get a 2 bed so that they can stay over at his if they want. I really can't see that happening though. DS1 likes to be in his bedroom with his computer and DS2 will always prefer to stay with me when he is home.

Ex has told me more than once that he doesn't like DS2 even though he does love him. I'd never tell DS2 as he'd be hurt beyond belief. Ex is possibly autistic himself but doesn't see it.

Well hopefully the dislike is a phase, there's so many variables in life on both sides that might make a difference to that.

My oldest is a sensitive soul just like me. I worry about him perceiving the divorce as a rejection but I sort of know how to handle that as I'm so similar to him. My youngest on the other hand is just like his dad and honestly I have no idea how he will react. Him and his dad are undiagnosed ADHD.

I hope you have a lovely weekend 🪷🌷

Thank you and you too.

The bizarreness of my life continues with being invited out by ex for dinner tonight (with DS). So spent the morning looking over our agreement, looking at some properties on line and then going out for dinner....

Of course I said yes, I don't have to cook 😂

On enjoy the meal!

Yea I know what you mean one minute I'm talking to solicitor about divorce next minute I'm seeing ex naked getting in the shower 😂 I still find it strange to call him my ex, I've only just called him that since my solicitor referred to him as that. I hate the word ex since we will still be co parenting and are amicable. Maybe I'll call him my baby father. Ha.