Depressed but trying to be fun mum for the children

[WhyWhyY]

how do those of you going through this try to maintain any kind of happy persona for your children?

Im faced with this mountain to climb and it’s weighing me down big time, where to live, can I achieve my
mortgage? Will I be able to pay my
bills? What will
happen with the pets? I’m so ashamed.How will I get to school on time? …but I’ve got to be happy and want to do fun things with the children and I just don’t. I want to go to sleep and wake up in 6m time with someone having waved a magic wand and this to all be over.

hugely self indulgent I know but wondering how you strong wonder women cope?

In 6m time, things will be better, at the very least, because you will have had more time to adjust to your new situation. Keep focusing on that.

You don’t have to make things fun and carefree for the children, right now. You just have to keep things calm and routine. Have you got other adults to talk to, so that you can have some venting time, where you can talk freely? That may help to keep the bad stuff separated and act as a bit of a release for you. Tell your friends, you need to vent for a few minutes and would they mind just listening. I also think it’s okay to tell the kids that things are a bit sad and upsetting right now, while you all adjust to this change, but that it will be okay soon.

Also try to work out what control you do have and make decisions early on, so that you feel as though you’re making progress in the right direction.

I’m feeling very much the same today and I’m nearly 2 years post split. Some days I feel on top of everything and others I’m wondering what is going to happen and worry about the logistics of it all (still trying to sort finances, get divorced, move house etc). I feel today that I’m a terrible Mum and the kids will think I’m miserable and grumpy.

You’re not alone. Don’t be afraid to reach out to people, especially those that have been through / going through similar things.

Counselling helped me a lot. Having said that, leaving was my choice and I was quite happy to leave but a had lots of guilt mostly around children and shame.

Hello, I also wish I could fast forward the next few months. I want to meet ve out in sept once youngest is in school and divorce finalised. I try to think of my time with my kids as escapism to whats going on.

When I was very very unwell mentally for a period, what I did was every evening take myself off to bed from 5.30pm but bring one of the kids with me to watch a movie on my laptop and cuddle. It was good for me (oxytocin I assume) and took no effort so helped me rest my brain. But also the kids loved it and were so excited when it was their turn.

If you need to rest and regroup, without feeling the guilt of not making life fun for the kids, it’s a good thing to do.

It's so so hard in those early days. You will get through it.

Consider antidepressants if you feel they may help.
Therapy.
Make time to rest and time for friends.

Routines. Dad having the kids regularly to give you a break if that's possible.

You don't need to be a Disney mum or wonder woman, you just need to be there, and keep plodding on, and things will settle and improve.

I highly recommend movie nights/afternoons when you're down or exhausted. You all get cuddles and rest. Throw in some popcorn or other treats and the kids love it.

Put your own oxygen mask on OP. Don't be so hard on yourself. You are a good enough mom and that is fine. Take good care of you, get enough sleep and outdoor time. Go for walks . Take one day at a time. Talk to your friends. You are perfectly normal to feel down now and then, but it won't last. Better days are ahead. ;)