Maintenance

[Dvs]

we are getting divorced after a long marriage
we have 3 kids and been married 16 years
youngest is 6
my OH have not worked since we married and was earning only a little when we met 30k before they lost their job
now I am the main breadwinner and they have been looking after the kids
we are liking to co parent with us having - similar share of parenting
I’ll do Thursday -Sunday every week
question is what should maintenance be
i think that he wants to have 5k a month to live
He will have money from the 50/50 settlement to buy a house cash with 200-300k in the bank
question is I have come to terms with giving them 50% of what we have (it was all earned by myself) as we were married a long time
but I don’t want to be paying 5k a month which is far more than is needed IMO with no mortgage and owning a car outright
has anyone been in a similar situation and has experience of how a court will interpret the nuances between reasonable needs and maintaining previous lifestyle?

@Peekaboobo oops - meant for @TwylaSands

people with children manage to work high paid jobs !

I think I'd change jobs now too. Otherwise your salary will be seen as £400k not £200k.

Er, what?!

The same way loads of single parents do.

I’m more interested in how he’s going to earn £50k a year after being out of work for the last 16 years 🤷🏻‍♀️

As far as I understand it, you can’t be ‘tied into’ a maintenance agreement. When I divorced, we negotiated a lower maintenance amount in exchange for a higher % of the house. The solicitor was careful to explain to both of us that it was only legally valid for a year and that I could - theoretically- request more maintenance after than year. Luckily, ex and I are relatively amicable. He trusted that I wouldn’t request more, and I haven’t.

My point though, is that if you lose your job / take a lower paid role, etc, you can’t be held to the higher maintenance payments.

On that scale of income, a good lawyer is needed, not us folks on Mumsnet

@NotStylishOrBeautiful 2 of my friends did after 15 years out. Another of my friends wife has just gone back after 13 years, on 48k. Definitely possible

and neither were high earners prior.

Guess location impacts too as we are SE

@NotStylishOrBeautiful are you sure that wasn’t child maintenance? Spousal can be varied, but it’s not automatic after a year, and can be varied upwards as well as down

I think your expectation of what you need to give him is unrealistic. It's all on needs and you have needs too, don't forget that. He may expect you to continue to find his lifestyle he's used to, but that won't be the case he'll be expected to fund his own lifestyle too and that will involve in him working.

If he's the primary carer and not working then he may be entitled to a larger % of the house equity, as he needs to house himself and the dc, but that's not necessarily a 500k house. You also need to house yourself too and that includes space for the dc. He will also be expected to work to provide for himself. Child maintenance is based on earnings. 5k seems like a lot. But if you're considering reducing the stress (and then money you earn) by taking a lower paid job, your contributions will reduce. Also things like pensions will need to be taken into consideration.

You need to speak to a solicitor to understand what you can expect.

Sorry, yes. Child maintenance. Not spousal.

I was told that spousal is incredibly rare, though that’s a very large salary the OP is talking about.

Same way that op is going to do half the childcare and work a 400k a year job. Plenty of parents work and manage to look after their kids

I’d class 400k a year a high earner

It’s not all on needs. On ops salary, lifestyle and principle of sharing comes in.
op will most likely be paying significant spousal or will need to capitalise that and give higher than 50% of assets. She will be deemed able to house herself with mortgage and recoup losses/ her ex will not. Not saying that’s fair but that’s how it is

On 400k I can easily see a court awarding 5k a month spousal. You'll also be lucky if he only gets 50% of assets

OP Scottish law is better for divorce.

Personally I would relocate to Scotland, get a lower paying job and seek legal advice.

If you can't move legal jurisdictions then get a lower paying job now. Then seek legal advice.

Solicitors aren't supposed to tell you what to do but they can hint it, and I know someone who was told not to work for a few months as his ex was seeking spousal maintenance. Sounds horrible but she wasn't due to get it as she was cohabiting and there was no reason she couldn't work as their children were secondary age.

What kind of jobs did they get for this please?

I agree however won’t get more than 50% as we both have sufficient with 50%
not sure your logic here to get more
if he didn’t have enough to buy a house would agree but the houses we both need and agree are 500k
if I take a lower paid job I don’t see how that helps I am a medical consultant and it’s not that easy to leave and then get back into

What do you do to earn 400k? I am finding that figure hard to believe tbh.

Sorry just saw your most recent update - medical consultant.

er, like most of us?

If you were you planning to get the £200k job down the line, I'd actually go and get that £200k job now, otherwise your maintenance will be based on the £400k.

If you were going through CMS, you'd only have to pay 12% of gross up to £3,000 per week for one DC or 16% for two. EX would have to apply to the courts for anything above that.

With this type of salary, previous lifestyle does come into it, not just needs. I know three people who divorced on this type of salary. One had to give 75% assets with a large amount of maintenance per month plus 75% of bonuses and the other two were ordered to give 100 of the equity in the family home, plus 50% pension sharing and spousal maintenance. This was based on their earning capacity, ability to re build and leaving the marriage on an equal footing. Your solicitor will be able to advise based on the whole picture.