Is life harder after divorce

[Queen0fEverything]

I am a 27 year old woman with two children under 3. My husband and I haven't been getting on and argue constantly and he can be quite abussive physically and mentally to me, not the children. I am at my wits end. I love him dearly and feel like a fool for it, but I can no longer take his constant blaming me for everything and going off drinking when he doesn't get his own way. It's like being mother to 3 instead of 2. I don't work and have no income of money of my own, our home is rented in both our names, but I could never pay the rent on my own as it's too high. One of our children has a health problem and the other is only 6 months old, I have no family to help me with childcare, I have lots of friends but all who have families and responsibilities of their own and they all live quite far away. I rely on my husband a lot as he is a good father to our dc. I just feel like I need out. I would miss him very much if we got divorced and I don't know which is the lesser of two evils, stay with him and put up with the constant blaming, drinking and occasional slap, or. Be a single mother with no one to help and no money.

A good father doesn’t abuse the mother of his children. He’s an alcoholic domestic abuser. You can apply for benefits which will help with rent. As you’re in actual physical danger a refuge might be safest for now.

You think you love him but he does not love you. And I think you know an “occasional slap” is never where it ends. He’s likely to end up killing you.

Change is always difficult but you want to live a long time and see your babies grow. You want them to live in a peaceful, healthy, happy, safe home. They don’t have that at the moment.

Please contact woman’s aid and find the quickest safest way to leave him and protect yourself and your children. If you wouldn’t want your children to tolerate physical violence from the person who’s meant to love them the most, please don’t accept it for yourself. You deserve so so much more 💐💐💐

I agree with the other commenter above, staying in a relationship like this is not worth it. Please look into contacting Women's Aid to see if they can help you out here. It might not feel like it now but your future self will thank you for removing yourself from this situation. No one deserves to stay in something like this. In case it helps, here are some more options for charities that might help but please do reach out to Women's Aid to get a better idea of what you can do xx https://iamlip.com/help-guides/registered-charities-that-could-help-you/

If you are scared of him, and/or he hurts you, you need to ring the police.

Some great advice above and I'm sure others who have experienced the same will be here soon to support you.
Life is very short, you can be happy, right now you're in a very dangerous position. Please put yourself first.

Good advice already, also get your cv and your documents in order, you'll have far more options if you go back to work once you are settled. You'll be eligible for full benefits as your children are young anyway

The alcohol leaps out at me. Is the abuse triggered by drinking?

I would definitely contact Women's Aid and talk to them, and if the alcohol is part of the problem (I'd be amazed if it isn't) perhaps Al-Anon.

I would definitely start to plan going back to work. I accept totally that your eldest child has additional needs so it may not be that simple, also that it may take time. I'm no expert on benefits but there is some support.

Only you know he details of whether this is fundamentally a decent relationship with an overlay of stress due to young children, or whether it is what it sounds like - dangerous for all of you. In which case happiness isn't the point, safety is.

One for you here OP @Queen0fEverything

I was with work colleagues last night and was shocked to learn I was a mumsnet legend www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4952271-i-was-with-work-colleagues-last-night-and-was-shocked-to-learn-i-was-a-mumsnet-legend

So much of your post resonates

I've just gone back to work part time and it's given me some hope and self esteem while I figure out what next.

Obviously if there's a risk to your safety then that takes priority - I just feel like I'm being broken down brick by brick. I'm waiting for a call back from citizens advice regarding my benefits and housing etc.

Alcohol along with domestic abuse will likely get worse. You are being abused and just your children being there to hear/see it happen is abusive for them too. I left my emotionally/verbally abusive ex when my kids were 1 & 3 and have zero regrets about leaving. I do wish I could’ve found a way to only have him doing supervised visits because he did emotionally abuse them (they are 17 & 19 now). I did as much as I could to limit his time with them to protect them- better for the kids to be as far from an abusive alcoholic as possible.