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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

When will I feel happy again?

3 replies

iwanttofeelhappyagain · 11/03/2024 14:00

My husband left me late last year, leaving what I thought was a happy marriage and home as we were looking at new houses etc and life was good. I then discovered he had been having an affair. He is now living with his affair partner and has introduced our child to her and they are playing happy families with both of their children. All within the space of 15 weeks.

As time goes on and all of these event unravel I feel myself struggling more and more. Knowing how happy he is with everything going so well for him in the world, whilst I'm still in shock and devastated that he is capable of this. He knows how much our child means to me and for me to no longer be able to see them everyday due to coparenting and having the affair partner around our child, it's breaking me and he will know that.

When will it get easier and when will the dark cloud of depression leave? I have accessed counselling and put lots in place but I'm seriously depressed and so sad and grieving for the life I had longed for and was happy in. None of it still makes sense, he stands as a stranger in-front of me, he shows no emotion or remorse and is quite frankly being vile. He even sent the other child's clothes back with our child last week, I sense he is looking for a reaction. I'm too stubborn to give a reaction but it's actually making me miserable and so very sad.

Any advice for dealing with this will be greatly welcomed. I'm doing all I can to help but I just want my old life back with the husband who once loved me and respected me. I loved him so much and would have done anything for him. I worry that I will never feel happy again.

OP posts:
harlemriver · 11/03/2024 15:53

Poor you - your life has been thrown upside down with no warning. Of course you are struggling and finding it hard. It sounds as though you are already doing incredibly well. You staying strong, not reacting and giving the response that your ex is clearly trying to provoke, you are seeking support. That's amazing.

You are stronger than you realise. And you are also much, much better off without a partner like your ex in your life. As awful as it is now (and I can understand that it is truly awful), you will get through it and you will feel happy again. I think you are doing everything that you can, and the painful feelings are just part of this very painful time.

I am almost a year into a separation though with very different circumstances of course. In the early stages I tried to find little things that I could do every day that I enjoyed - good tea or chocolate (or wine!), or buying nice shower gel to use every day, even wearing clothes with nice textures. Anything that gave me a little boost. I've actually just realised in typing this that for me a lot of it was about engaging senses - nice scents, or soft jumpers and throws, hot water bottles. Just little self-care things that I think that helped me keep a little stream of tiny positive feelings even when my overall emotional state was definitely not happy. I also did a lot of journalling (using nice notebooks!) through my feelings. For me it helped to acknowledge my feelings, whatever they were - painful or sad and angry but also hopeful and optimistic. And not to suppress the sad and unhappy stuff but to cultivate the positive moments as much as possible.

But don't expect too much too soon. You are in the middle of a very tough life situation and it is totally natural that you are not feeling particularly joyful just yet. But you will be!

Sunshineandwaterfalls · 12/03/2024 03:19

I am in a very similar situation so I know how hard it is, every day can feel like a struggle. Private message me if you want to chat. My two children do not have any contact with the other woman s she is a risk, I don’t know how you cope with that… it will get easier over time. I feel better then something happens and I’m right back to anger and square 1 again! Take one day at a time. My best advice is to find something to distract you from thinking it over and over!

harlemriver · 12/03/2024 08:20

also... I have recommended this before (and found the recommendation here first anyway!) but the book Runaway Husbands by Vikki Stark really helped me . https://www.runawayhusbands.com/

Runaway Husbands — Women Supporting Women

Runaway Husbands provides resources and community to help women heal from Wife Abandonment Syndrome – when husbands leave happy marriages out-of-the-blue.

https://www.runawayhusbands.com

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