Just Had Enough So Lonely

[EdgeOfReality]

I am at a really low point in my life. I separated after an awful 35 year marriage (divorce finalised soon). I have been on my own now nearly 4 years and it’s getting me down. I feel at 54 I will never meet another man to be with who will get me. Ex has moved on ages ago with a younger woman. When we parted he told me I was ugly and that hurt. I feel I’ve wasted all those years apart from having my four now adult children. I take care of myself but no one wants me. I feel so alone. I work full time and have a busy life with a few friends. One friend has started cancelling meet ups last minute and that is getting me down too. I seem to attract friends who just like to talk about themselves. I don’t know what to do I pretend to be happy but inside I’m miserable. Feels good to get this out please be kind. My life feels pointless.

I’m sorry you are feeling so low. Many of us go through such lonesome and demanding periods in life but in my experience life “turns on a sixpence.” We also have to learn to enjoy our own company which for some, I appreciate, very is hard.

Someone once said to me “you must go to the world because the world won’t come to you.”
Get yourself out there and see what can be done to help you over this hurdle. Seek out new challenges.

On Facebook there’s a group I follow called
“Cruises for Solos” and another “Solo in style: women travelling solo and loving it.”

Why not book yourself a holiday and give yourself a goal and something to look forward to. Some women buy camper vans and travel all over the UK on their own, short breaks and longer holidays. Their FB posts are full of positive experiences.

The world is your oyster. Get yourself, if funds allow, to get yourself out there.
Chin up OP.

I second the above poster. You need to put yourself out there. The loneliness won’t disappear by itself, you have to be proactive. Ps you sound lovely and a v kind soul. hugs

Are you sporty OP? Do you enjoy being outside in nature?
My main social outlet is a sporting hobby. Always have a few drinks after.
If you're tempted, how about tennis, badminton, golf, cycling, hillwalking, environmental causes, animal shelters,...

Thank you for the nice replies it means a lot.

Don't despair. You are still fairly young and have plenty of opportunity to meet someone if that is what you want. It is hard to go from being with some one all those years , raising four kids to now being alone . Do you have any workmates that you might meet with maybe once a week . The only way to get over bring lonely is to not be alone . Hard as it is if you want this you have to put yourself out there . And don't let that remark haunt you he was only saying that to hurt you the bastard .

I will be 54 this year and I know what you mean. I haven't split from my husband yet but life can be lonely.
Is there anything you have always wanted to do but never had the chance? . Walking, running club, art class, mechanics class, travelling. When I was single once years ago I was going to start fencing classes (not putting up fences!).
It's not easy putting yourself out there but I bet you will feel amazing for it.
I am thinking of all the places I can travel too rather than just sitting on a beach like my husband wanted to do. I want to trek with the Gorillas. I might not be able to afford it but it makes me happy just thinking about it.
I have travelled on my own and the initial thought of it is scary but you meet so many more people being single than if you were with someone else.
There are so many social media and local groups so you can new friends and s*d your currently flaky friend 😍. You may think it's scary but there are so many women & men out there like you.
Enjoy life and then you might be able to fit a man in when you are not busy having fun!

@Milly1970 what an inspiring positive attitude!

Thank you. It's not easy but when I think of the alternative of being with a husband when his glass is half full it makes me stronger

@Milly1970 yes same applies to me. But I let the negativity consume me for too long x

Not good but you can turn your life around if you really want to

I'm feeling a bit lonely tonight too. I'm nearly eight months from separation and H is being awful with the kids. I'm feeling guilty I picked him as I wouldn't have done if I'd have felt better about myself. I have no family and are desperate to move to be nearer my friends. H is being an arse. I'm exhausted and sometimes if all just feels shit. All my kids have moved out, renting and at uni.

If I am near you I would be up for meeting and making friends.

I agree that learning to enjoy your own company is important. Sounds silly but do you chat to yourself? I have full on conversations all the time in my head and that helps. It sounds like joining some groups in your area is going to be a good first step, local libraries and community groups tend to have walking groups or crafting or sports. This would help you meet new people and give you a focus. Perhaps after 35 years in an awful marriage referring yourself for counselling might help too. There might be things you need to talk through to remind yourself of your value and improve your self-worth. As soon as some motivation hits get out there and sign yourself up for something. Also-How to be single on Netflix is a great lighthearted film to watch.

Lots of good advice here, OP. Getting out, being open to trying new things and meeting new people, perhaps pushing yourself to go out and see an upbeat film or music in a pub when you feel tired and discouraged — all ways of brightening your life. And thank god you’re no longer being brought down by your horrible ex.

Best of luck. Sometimes you have to persevere, but it’s worth the effort.