Husband Affair. Won't Divorce.

[ExHrefusingtodivorce]

My husband had an affair and moved out almost 2 years ago. We have 2 teenage dd's who don't see him. He refuses to speak to me at all. Afaik he is living at his parents (for free) and possibly still involved with the OW.

I would appreciate some advice on our financial situation. The mortgage and deeds are in his name, he has continued to pay the mortgage since he left and still pays into the bills account. As the amount he pays is similar to the CM he would pay I haven't claimed CM. I have sent numerous texts and emails asking him to discuss the finances. I've offered to clear the mortgage if he'd add me to the deeds. I asked him to apply for the divorce, or to apply jointly. He does not respond to anything. He even ignores texts regards our children's health and school issues.

I applied for the divorce last year, as he still won't discuss finances or agree to attend mediation it has not progressed. What I'd like to know is would there be any issue with just leaving things as they are and not progressing the divorce as long as he keeps paying as he is?

File the form A because then he has to fill out form E - at the first hearing he will be ordered by the court to do it, if he doesn’t. You can’t make an agreement without that info.

The first hearing is where the judge just directs parties to provide information and you can do that alone. Get the form Es done and then go to a solicitor for advice about what you’re entitled to. I’m sure he will respond when you’ve started proceedings and will be happier to mediate when he knows you’re serious about getting things sorted.

My ex insisted we file for a joint divorce but as soon as they were asked to provide financial information in mediation, they decided they no longer wanted to go ahead with the divorce. I just carried on anyway and they had no choice but to do so. You can do a lot of it yourself.

@RandomMess thank you, I know I can deal with it, it's just so frustrating with him behaving as he is. You would think he'd want everything sorted out.

@Jonathan70 knowing my husband he will still refuse to complete any forms. He knows I'm serious and he knows I don't back down. He's just burying his head in the sand as usual. Getting his Form E is the hardest part, he can easily lie about his earnings and I really don't want the added cost of having a forensic accountant and a solicitor involved.

There is a danger that he could secure debt against the property and spend all the equity, transfer it into his business, or in other ways successfully hide it. This would deprive you of the value of your share of the property - or properties if more than one.

For properties you have - either in his name or both of your names, it might be wise of you to register a beneficial interest with the Land Registry. You can do this even if not on the deeds as a spouse. If your husband objects it will be referred to an adjudicator, where he will have to argue his case to prevent it.

If he then wants to sell, or take out credit it will show up in a search. This also might give you some leverage in a moving forward with a divorce and settlement when he decides he needs your cooperation with remortgaging or selling.

You could also look into the feasibility of doing this for his business assets and the business itself.

https://england.shelter.org.uk/professional_resources/legal/relationship_breakdown/housing_rights_of_cohabiting_sole_homeowners/preventing_sale_or_disposal_if_one_partner_is_the_sole_owner#:~:text=Beneficial%20interests%20in%20unregistered%20land,loan%20is%20secured%20against%20it.

@caringcarer

2 years later I married the forensic accountant who had helped me win my case. Exh still doesn't speak to me or him 18 years later

😂🙌🏼.

Whilst you’re delaying the divorce / financial order, he’s potentially squirrelling away as much money as possible.
you don’t need to discuss anything with him! Take control, get a decent solicitor and get it sorted.
Btw, you can change ownership of the house to Tenants in Common so that if you did die before the divorce, your half wouldn’t automatically go to him. You’d need to make a will though, which you should do asap anyway.

I'm pretty sure he has to pay the court costs if the divorce is due to adultery. That used to be the case.

@caringcarer you go girl! 💪🏻

Love this! Sounds like the plot of a movie!

I'm sorry if I've missed it but you don't seem to have said anything about your own income, savings, assets or pensions. Obviously they will all be in the mix in a 50:50 split of assets.

@paperpickles

I registered my Home Rights the week he left. I'm 90% certain he won't rack up any debt. The other property is in my name only.

@Soontobe60 I honestly don't care if he us squirrelling money away, my only interest is in the family home. I don't think I can change ownership of the house as I'm not on the deeds. I have a will and all of my assets, life insurance etc. go to our daughters.

@Balloonhearts all divorces in England are now no fault. My sol advised I can petition for costs, but it may not be granted.

@Bouledeneige I own a property which my sol advised is a pre marital asset, however it could be added to the marital assets if he argued for it and there was a need. She said we would then go after his business. I'm happy to leave his business out of things if he leaves my property out. There are no pensions or substantial savings on either side. I work part time and have since our eldest was born, he is the higher earner.

In case it can help lessen the solicitor costs, see if this free resource can guide you through doing some of the process yourself e.g. forms so you can save a couple hundred/thousands. It's 100% possible to do yourself but use both free resources and a solicitor if you feel its best for you. https://iamlip.com/
Sending love to you and your children x

I think you do have to keep in mind what it has potentially cost you to work part time and look after your dd, while he could grow a business. I know you want it done, but don't let him sell you short

@Anita848

I've put the divorce in online and had hoped if we could come to an agreement to only use a sol to do the Financial Consent Order. I'm happy to do as much myself as possible but I didn't think he'd drag it out as long as he is. I'd assumed he'd want things sorted so he could stop paying the mortgage.

@LadyBird1973 as long as he allows me to buy him out of our family home at a fair split I honestly don't care about his business or any savings he might have. I'll be able to go full time once my daughters feel ready for me to.

@ExHrefusingtodivorce he wouldn’t have a choice if a court ordered him to make a financial disclosure-or they’d end up deciding the assets based on the info you give and it would likely go in your favour. Also, a form E asks for a lot of information and he’d have to supply all bank statements and records of accounts to back it up so you’d have a better idea of if he were hiding assets by seeing how it all matches up yourself - you’re also able to ask questions about the info he has given if you feel he is hiding assets. A forensic accountant might not be needed. At least getting the form E would be a first step.

The system is gamed to actually reward his strategy. If you find another man and want to get married, as is more likely to happen over the long term, a divorce settlement at that point will be FAR less taxing on his resources. Plus you might have improved your career/income etc. It makes sense for the better off partner to drag out a divorce as long as possible unless they want to get married again.

Divorce isn't supposed to fleece d as bone. If the OPs income increases then why would you expect the financial split to be uneven in her favour?

Just file the form A yourself

Slightly off topic but why is your name not on the deeds of your marital home?

If he already owned it before you met, you may not be entitled to 50%, as it’s not strictly a marital asset.

As you've been working part time, how is your pension? You will need that later in life, so don't be too quick to sign away your half of his savings including pension.

Nonsense. It's the marital home, so will be a marital asset.

Apologies. I thought only assets acquired during the marriage were 100% marital assets and everything else was for consideration.

I’m just past stage from e with the first hearing to resolve the evidence issues due soon. I did get some legal advice but to be honest it just confirmed my form E was fine and was just reassurance. I think you can manage yourself to the point form e is exchanged. If he doesn’t comply I think the court can just use your info and draw an adverse inference. There’s a section on form e you can add other info and I included some info there about ex business and assets (as I suspected he would leave this off his form). It’s worth pushing on and getting it done while children are in the picture. But also just so you know where you are financially and can plan and make a will etc.

@Kwasi the house we're in was bought whilst we were together. We only needed DH's earnings for the mortgage and as we're married and I already owned a property (bought on my own before I met my husband) I never thought to demand going on the deeds.

There are no pensions on either side, or significant savings.

Ex will not complete the Form E, he is not wanting the business accounts looked into. It's complicated as it's a partnership. I think he's been under declaring his actual earnings. My preference would be to come to an agreement between ourselves and get sols to draft the financial consent order. I believe we would then only need to complete the D81.

I've decided to leave things for a while as long as he keeps paying. If he still doesn't start co operating I'll get the Maim Form (I know he won't attend mediation), get a sol to send him my financial proposal (he'll ignore it) then apply to go to court to have the finances decided. I'm not going to waste money having a sol send him numerous letters that I know he'll ignore. I'll probably get a barrister for court.

The property you bought on your own...

Was this ringfenced when you married?

Was there still a mortgage at that point?
If so, who paid the mortgage?

You need to determine whether the property will be considered a marital asset.

@PaminaMozart

I paid the mortgage for it before and throughout our marriage. It was never lived in by us together. We always had separate bank accounts. My sol advised it is a pre marital asset but that it could be added into the pot on a need basis. She advised if ex tries to add it in to go after his business.