Coparenting communications and boundaries

[Ballpitofdoom]

We don’t have a good relationship (and there seems to be little interest from the other side in being civil).

I have asked that my phone is only used for urgent child related matters and in the immediate time frame of drop off / pick up. All other matters via email.

He inevitably doesn’t stick to this. I politely request again but he is just doing it to get at me.

i appreciate I could just ignore it… but that’s not really how it works when you’ve been profoundly bullied during the divorce process. It has a big, non rational effect on me as I’m still scarred by how bad it has been.

what do you all do comms wise? I appreciate he should be able to get in contact with me in case of emergency (so I don’t block him) but by not blocking him it allows him to overstep boundaries / mess with me.

and please only sympathetic voices. I’m not the one driving acrimony in this process and I do try my best. But I can’t control the other party!

I blocked and allow email only.

The best thing I've done for my mental health is have all divorce-related comms on a separate device. It's a bit simpler for me as my ex doesn't phone, just email or the court-mandated app, but that's all on an old phone stuffed in a drawer I have to consciously go and check. I know it's a hassle to change your number, and there's always a risk he gets hold of your new number from someone, but it might be worth considering.
💐 - I know how upsetting it is, even when you tell yourself not to care what he says.

Burner phone. give him the new number and block him on yours. Easy.

i've blocked via email as it was seriously affecting me and making me unusually anxious. long ridiculous emails written by the new partner on his behalf slagging me off as a mum and a person. i also have a rule set up that anything with his first name in goes automatically to the deleted folder so i don't receive emails from anyone else on his behalf. anything official will refer to him as Mr Wankerchops rather than his first name.
i have an iphone and discovered the beauty of the locked chat in whatsapp. means i don't even see a notification unless i choose to open the chat. blocked on all social media and other messaging platforms.
however as RP with children with complex health issues i send updates or copies of appointments and letters etc as they arrive/occur. he wanted me to stick to a 2 hour window once a week to do this but i'm not his mother or his PA so they get sent at the time. he chooses not to work to avoid maintenance and i work full time as well as care for the children 98% of the time. i'm not spoon feeding him as well! he can put his own locked chat in place and check it as and when if he wants.

Similar to above, you could archive him on whatsapp and then only check those messages around the timeframe you want to? You can see that an archived chat has a new message but it’s not ‘in your face’ so you can look at it in your own time. Block him on texts. Answer messages he sends you to WhatsApp via email, unless it’s urgent or in the timeframe you’ve requested. Leave him unblocked for calls for those real emergencies. Only answer necessary messages of any sort. Good luck!

Thank you everyone for the suggestions. These comments at least help me realise I’m not the only one in this situation!

I don't find the archiving idea in WhatsApp works. Once I see the indication that the message is there, it is as bad as ever.
I guess different things work for different people. I'd get a separate number just for him

What we you do, you'll come up against opposition because he's used to bullying you.

My best advice is to learn to not reply. The first few times are agonising but then it feels right. Almost nice - freeing!

I tried my family wizard where you pay £80ish for the year and he didn't stick to it, despite solicitor requests. It takes a while to learn you don't have to reply though. Or pick up when he calls.

that's where locked chats works. no notifications and you have to actively open the chat. almost like blocking someone but not quite