Can I just check I'm not being unreasonable?

[SoRainbowRhythms]

Nutshell, stbxh left 2 months ago completely out of the blue and has already applied for divorce.

Been at a stalemate with finances, particularly our house. My final offer was 50/50 split but he was to pay all the related fees, conveyancing, estate agent etc. From there I would agree to a clean break and leave his pension alone.

He's point blank refusing and wants the fees to be split. God knows where any decency has gone. I think I'm being more than fair given the circumstances, and don't see why I should have to pay towards something I vehemently didn't want.

I've had my free hour with a great solicitor but just don't have the funds to instruct further.

I'm so tired of dealing with this.

What kind of financial split does he want.

Sorry I should have said.

He's agreed to 50/50 which is what I wanted (and am entitled to.. it's been like pulling teeth) but is refusing to cover the selling fees.

You should include his pension. Leaving it alone won’t benefit you now or longer term. You’re not even benefitting from an easier agreement.

I literally don't have the fight in me. I'm very broken and just want to get my house on the market. We were only married a few years so if wouldn't be a massive amount.

50/50 of the house and nothing of his pension is not 50/50, unless you have similar pension arrangements.

Tell him either he agrees to pay the fees or you'll take proper legal advice and get half his pension too.

Agree with this. Even pension built up before the marriage will be potentially in the pot, so if he wants to avoid you taking half of it he needs to cooperate.

But make sure you know how much you’re losing by not making a claim on his pension!

Have you got a pension or other assets. If 50/50 includes all of both parties assets, then the costs and fees should be split.
If it’s a short marriage, did he bring more to the deposit or anything else that warrants the fees being paid by you?
If it’s just the house and his pension, you might argue that he keeps his pension but pays the fees……or it’s all split?

My pension is miniscule and I have no savings. He did pay more in than me at the beginning but I single handedly made this house a home.

I want him to pay the fees and I will leave his pension alone. He's coming out much better off than me even with that.

Are you sure about leaving the pension alone? FWIW, I completely and utterly understand why you don’t have the fight in you.
But if he has a good pension, it really is worth getting a share of this. You will be so glad later on. But if his pension is kinda shit and you absolutely know this, I’d just split the fees and draw a line under the whole divorce‘experience’, for the sake of just restoring mental health and unbinding yourself from the whole trauma of it all (divorce IS a trauma!). 💐

I think you need your find your anger.

If he doesn’t want to take you up your current offer then change it so that it’s 50/50 including his pension.

That’ll be the only way to change his mind.

Thank you @SerenityNowInsanityLater. I'm just so tired and can't move on while I'm still in "our" home.

@FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee I've been patiently waiting for it but it's not arrived. I could be a lot more productive with anger.

@SharedAccountWithMySister sadly I think you're right.

Please don't leave his pension alone, you are entitled to a fair share and it might be worth quite a lot (and it should be split)

I think you say that you've tried to be reasonable but you won't pay the fees since he is the one who wants to sell the house, and instead, please can you have a copy of his latest pension statement.🙂

Contrary to what other posters are saying, with such a short marriage I don’t know that I would push this too much. I’d argue for 50/50 and that would mean splitting the fees

Solidarity sister! I totally hear you. New walls make a healing home. I’ve tried to find sanctuary in my former matrimonial home but, just when I think I’ve recovered, I slam into that sneaky resentment and bitterness that keeps on popping up around corners, jump scaring me.

I completely get how worn down you are. But do check out his pension. It might be worth your time pursuing. 💐

It sounds like he’s being too pig headed to realise that fees would be less than half of his pension. Have you pointed this out to him?

I think that you should go for half his pension so that you can pay your legal fees.

^this! Don’t leave without the pension

Its a short marriage, if he put more in initially and can prove it then the op could potentially end up worse off if a judge decides to just return them to their respective positions

If you don't go after it then you have nothing to bargain with - why lowball at the start ?

If it’s short marriage, op hasn’t given up work or anything to raise children, fighting over the pension will be costly and fruitless

if that’s not the case then worth splitting

however, the pension can be used as leverage / ie pay the fees and I’ll ignore pensions. Don’t pay fees then I will

Exactly this.

When the marriage has only lasted a few years OP would be extremely unlikely to get any of his pension anyway, and on top of that if he can show his higher contribution to the house then OP could easily lose out there and end up much worse off.

He’s being really quite fair in what he has offered here, could & likely would be far worse for OP if it got infront of a court.

If he has sought legal advice then that’s exactly what they will have said.

This

Thanks everyone. I've got some food for thought. If the tables were turned I'd be trying to be as decent as possible, but I guess that's the difference between me and him!

Thank you all for your options. We settled on 50/50 and splitting costs. I appreciate I could have come away with less and this is just enough to start again, without the fight that I literally don't have in me any more. Onwards and upwards.