Inheritance controlling DH

[itstheendof]

My life is a mess, but this is genuinely not me 'asking for a friend' it really is a friend..!

She needs to leave her 'D'H - it's quite clear to me he is emotionally abusive and controlling. She is struggling as she has small kids who would be devastated if they split up, so she wants to tough it out and wait a few years until they are older.. whether this is the right thing to do, I'm not sure. He has money, most of it squirrelled away and if they split she thinks he's likely to hide it well. She has been part time working v reduced hours due to him basically making her feel she shouldn't be working (her place is in the home etc) So one of the big things she's worried about is obviously money.

So to get to the point of the title, her parents are getting old and her mother sadly is really unwell. My friend has one sibling who they get on well with and say they trust and I have no reason to doubt they can. Her parents house is a decent sized house (but not enormous) they bought almost 50 years ago in what is a now v nice area so is worth a lot of money. The parents will leaves their assets 50/50 with sibling supposedly. Now the thing is, what happens with the controlling 'd'h - if my friend waits to get out of there, there is a good chance that her parents will die before she splits up with him, and if that happens will he then get to claim half of her interest in her parents house? Would he regardless even if they split now?
Her sibling knows that the 'dh' is a twat and from what my friend has told me her sibling (who has their own house, no family) has said that they would be happy for my friend and her kids to have the house as it would be a perfect family home and would allow her to get away from him when the time comes. My worry with their plan is that if she's still with him when this happens can he not insist her share of the house is put into the shared pot and therefore he can force her to end up selling it rather then being able to live in it?
I want her to get away from him as while he's not physically abusive he's very much emotionally so and he has chipped away at her for too long. I want her to be able to have that house as we know he'll have his assets hidden (she's doing her best to find info out, but it's tricky) and it doesn't seem fair if he forces a sale and gets half her money. I had wondered if there was a way her parents could leave the house entirely to the sibling - keeping to out the reach of the dh? and just let my friend live in it? As I say she trusts her sibling.

I know this sounds really callous planning about money for when her parents die, but she's not being practical so I feel I have to be for her. I also know her parents would want her to be secure financially after they are gone.

TL;DR- how can her family (parents) ensure her twat STBXH doesn't get his hands on their house? 🤞

IANAL but the parents should give most of their money to the other sibling because the alternative of willing it to her kids might be risky (would the husband want to live in his kids’ house? )

Could her parents get a deed of trust to protect it from him?

@BoohooWoohoo I wouldn't put it past him of it's left to the kids that he'd someone end up there...

@Blendedfamilystruggle how do these work? I don't know anything about this stuff, I just want to try to help her.

That would have said 'I wouldn't put it past him if it's left to the kids that he'd somehow end up there...'

I remembered reading 9n here that an inheritance might be considered a non matrimonial asset and so not split during divorce.

Very similar example to your friend on here
https://parissmith.co.uk/blog/inheritance-and-divorce-do-i-have-to-share-it/

It was first Google example so don't trust it, she needs proper advice.

I might have had the terms wrong but this maybe explains it a bit
/www.thisismoney.co.uk/money/pensions/article-7256511/amp/How-stop-childrens-spouses-getting-estate-divorce.html

I was told that if there isn't enough money for both parties to be adequately housed then inheritance is considered part of the matrimonal asset pot. Your friend should seek proper legal advice, it won't cost much for a one off consultation.

She really needs to see a solicitor, this is complicated and involves a lot of money.
Ultimately what she needs to do is leave now, then it’s all dealt with as quickly as possible.

I’m not a lawyer but I would say this is very tricky for a number of reasons:

1. have the parents an up to date will?
2. what is their probable life expectancies
3. are they likely to need nursing home care in the near future ? All these points are important! Could the parents have a solicitor draw up a Will leaving the house to the sibling on condition that the sibling with children lives in the house until her children are grown? The house could then be sold and the money split between them. The “friend” would then not own anything and could just divorce her husband. Of course a Will would need the parents agreement and would need to put in place asap. Then there is always the possibility that the parents become more infirm and require nursing care. Then the house would need to be sold to pay for this - unless the parents have sufficient funds in hand to pay for nursing care or a live in carer. Alternatively the “friend” could start divorce proceedings. However this may take time, especially as there are children involved, and the parents may die before the divorce is finalised. A tricky situation. A really good solicitor may be able to suggest a way forward. Especially with regard to protecting the parents property from Inheritance Tax or Nursing Home Fees. It maybe possible for the parents to pass the house to the sibling before they die. Maybe setting up a Trust would be the way to do it. Hope they can find a way to protect them and prevent the Partner from getting anything. All the best.

Your friend’s parents should leave the friend’s share to a discretionary trust, not direct to the friend. The beneficiaries could also include sister and children. No one beneficiary has a ‘right’ to anything from the trust, only to be considered. This is also good longer term planning should your friend die before her parents to hold the funds for the children until they are a suitable age to inherit (and don’t have problems with drugs/ controlling partner/ bankruptcy/ divorce). Trustees decide who get funds and when. Choice of trustees is important, consider professional (solicitor). Parents leave letter if wishes they trust trustee to follow saying who should benefit and when. If funds needed, loan from trust not advancement. There may be IHT issues to consider depending on the value of the parents estate. Not guaranteed to stop assets being taken into account on a divorce but shows they are separately ringfenced and considerably less likely to be counted than if a direct gift from parents to friend. Parents need to see STEP qualified solicitor for Wills.

will he then get to claim half of her interest in her parents house? Would he regardless even if they split now?

If they divorce now and get a financial consent order (clean break) while her parents are still living, then he won't be able to claim any of the inheritance n the future, I believe

It sounds like your friend should leave her husband sooner rather than later.

It might be less disruptive and traumatic when the children are young than waiting until they are teenagers and it won't do them any good to witness the control and abuse.

This happened me and my grandparents left several clauses in a will done by a solicitor saying the house,contents,money etc were for the named persons only and they also named in other clauses that ex was not to have any involvement,any money,assets,property from there side..Because they had it done and written so well my move,divorce etc all went straightforward. He did attempt to get half of all they had but failed as he never knew about the will and the specific terms and conditions

I completely agree. My parents stayed together way too long, the atmosphere in the house was terrible, and all of us were miserable. Your friend might think her kids don't know, but they do.

I agree with pp. She needs to leave asap. She should contact Women's Aid and start getting all the information and important paperwork together without saying a word to her husband.
The shorthand for this on MN is getting ducks in a row. Read a few threads on the relationships board. This is explained very clearly on there.