House sale-children-divorce. Please help

[Whatintheholywoah]

Posting on behalf of a friend.
married 20 years.
split 5 years.
started divorce proceedings over a year ago.
3 children with her 21/17/15
1 with someone else (newborn)

He has a very acrimonious relationship with ex. Lots of problems with her neglecting the children (they’ve been in counselling she was investigated at one point) them against him (doesnt work they are too old) it still causes a lot of issues and stress.
she Ran up debt several times during the marriage the last time they had to remortgage to pay it off (35k) not the first time either.
house is neglected she doesn’t look after it.
she has moved new boyfriend in.
kept all his things won’t give him anything.
he pays maintenance so can’t afford a house big enough to house children adequately due to lowish wage.

he wants a clean break as obviously he doesn’t trust her because of debt. Plus all the issues. Seen two solicitors. Last one said the courts will force sale of house so he can have clean break and she would have a higher percentage of equity because of children. Fine.
second one is saying the courts won’t force her, she can do what she likes and if she runs up debt then tough. The mortgage company will come after him.

Anyone know which is more likely. How can 2 solicitors say completely different things? I’ve advised him to get a 3rd opinion as he’s already spent 2-3k on the divorce. She will not comply or be reasonable in any way.

sorry should say she is constantly poisoning them against him (doesn’t work the children are too old and have seen how she is)

House will be sold is absolutely the most likely scenario. And all this will be wrapped up in about two years, is my prediction. They’ve been separated 5 years. Acrimonious. Divorce proceedings starting now? This’ll be a slow burn.

It is already a slow burn unfortunately, divorce proceedings started 08/22, she has been dragging it out. The other solicitor left so he needed to find a new one. The new one is saying completely different things to the first. Will it really take 2 years to get a final order? The divorce is filed and paid for just waiting to exchange e forms. Conditional order was supposed to be 03/23 but not sure what happened. Obviously he’s very stressed. Just wants a clean break as she’s so unreasonable.

I hate being the bearer of bad news but yes… if they’re just exchanging form Es now, by the time the house is on the market, then sold, honestly, 2 years from this very point to house sale is what you’re looking at (even with a cooperative ex). And that is an optimistic estimation.
It’s a maddeningly slow process and you have my entire sympathy.
What’s his pension like? This could be a big asset and may require a pension expert report (which will be court ordered) and this can take weeks to months to prepare. But once you have a pension report (not just the CETV but a full report) plus a property valuation (this is carried out by 3 different local estate agents and the middle figure is the valuation they’ll work with) both parties may be able to agree on a split without finishing up in court. Both should definitely have solicitors involved at this end stage of negotiations if either are high earners and/or assets are of significant value.

His pension is minimal. She’s a part time civil servant but apparently not a great pension either. So frustrating for him as he’s struggling to live without the house sale plus being under her control. Think I’ll tell him to get a 3rd solicitors advice re selling the house.

Unfortunately, divorce and a financial settlement with an uncooperative ex is a very long and expensive process.
If the only route to achieving a financial split is by taking it to court with a solicitor, it is likely to be several years ahead and £20K + in legal fees.
Are they both on the mortgage?

Yes, they are both on the mortgage. She can’t afford to buy him out. He can’t afford to buy her out. He just wants to break ties because of the risk of her not paying the mortgage due to her past debts plus he can’t afford to move on properly himself being tied there.

How much time do the children spend with him? Is he living with his girlfriend and the baby?

How much equity is in the house?
What are his plans as far as new partner and housing?

I know it might not be palatable, but it might be worth calculating if it's cheaper and easier to stop mortgage payments and go into default. Let the mortgage company do the whole business of repossession and settling debts from any proceeds. By-bass the solicitor.

Bad hit on credit rating of course, but if they plan to rent, or can buy in his new partner's name until he recovers financially, it might be easiest and quickest solution. (No solicitor will advise that of course due to their code of conduct, but it is an option with an unreasonable ex).

Probably around 60k in the house. Wales.
Hes not paying the mortgage she is. He is currently renting with his new partner. Usually has the boys 3 weekends a month sometimes less if they have plans with friends as he doesn’t live close enough. Half terms a bit extra too.

If it helps, it says here you can decide how debts are settled so your friend can have a say on them. https://iamlip.com/what-you-can-include-in-your-financial-settlement-agreement-agreed-between-yourselves-or-through-mediation/
What the first lawyer said sounds more realistic than the second. You should get another solicitor opinion if you need to. Also maybe some of the help guides at the link I've posted might help you guys with what options your friend has x

That’s very helpful thank you. Will take a look. Hopefully the first solicitor was right then as it just seems very unfair that she can basically do what she likes with all the perks. It’s very strange as financially she would be so much better off renting as she could claim uc. I’ll definitely get him to talk to another solicitor as the 2nd one sounds useless.

If he is not paying the mortgage, he should be able to house himself elsewhere. Presumably he is just paying maintenance for the 15 & 17 YO?

When the ex ran up debt, what was it to pay for and did they have joint finances? It sounds like the most he can expect to get wouldn't exceed about £20k, if there if £60 joint equity, after costs and fees.

I think your friend needs to take a step back and not rely on the house equity to house himself. He is fairly fortunate that his ex is continuing to pay the mortgage on their joint liability/asset.

He doesn’t want to be tied to her in any way anymore because she holds it over his head. Is destroying the property and he can’t obtain a mortgage himself. It’s not about the money. He needs a clean break. Also she is struggling yo pay the mortgage and upkeep of the house.

Herself. He had no idea about the debts until they went to remortgage (deal was up) they had to remortgage higher to pay her debts. He actually found out from the broker. She had opened a separate account without his knowledge. It went on herself she was basically leaving the kids every weekend and going on a jolly. It’s why she was invested by ss. She is still neglectful now but obviously it has less impact as the kids are older. He had a mail redirection and a credit card statement came to him in her name so she’s clearly not learnt. As mentioned this is the 3rd time during the marriage.

if you see what she puts him through you definitely would not call him fortunate.

I think your friend needs to take a bit more responsibility. He should not have started a new family before sorting out the old one. He can move back into the house, that would be one option, he can then take care of the house and the kids.

It sounds like the divorce is progressing and that's all he can hope for. There is not much equity in the property, so I think the best he can hope for and count on at this stage is not coming away with any debt, which I appreciate is why he wants a clean break.

That is separate from the housing issue and there doesn't seem to be any reason behind why he is currently unable to house himself, beyond low pay.

Confused about the timeline, when they remortgaged were they separated or still together? Do you mean she had taken on a secure debt against the house without his knowledge?