Struggling today so need words of encouragement about how awesome it is to be single!

[ducksinarow123]

Quick background - known H for 21years, but originally just as friends. Been together 13yrs, married 11.5 when it just broke down and we weren't making each other happy any more. 2 beautiful dc together. H moved out in October, I filed for divorce (can apply for conditional order next week). We have 40/60 parenting split and have been co-parenting well, keen to maintain the friendship.
This week stbxh dropped the bombshell that he's been seeing somebody since January. I was ok initially, I know we both have to move on and I was expecting it so no shock or immediate pangs of hurt, but today it has just hit me like a ton of bricks. As much as I was almost certain we were over and there was no going back, I guess there was a teeniest glimmer of hope that in 6 months, a year, we couldn't maybe, possibly, begin dating again. Fresh start. But now knowing he is with someone else, that door has now sealed itself shut. I'm hurting. I'm hurting over the lost dreams for the future, then plans we made together, and knowing that he's found someone else to take my place in those plans.
I'm no where near ready to move into another relationship. I'm not close to ever wanting to be vulnerable and intimate with someone else again.
So wise mumsnetters, please give me hope and comfort that being a single Pringle is the best thing ever. How I will be incredibly successful and have the best life. Inspire me with your stories of hope.
Thank you

Sending unmumsnetty hugs your way! Being single is my favourite thing, honestly - doing what I want, when I want, with who I want, on my schedule. It's a sense of freedom and joy and peace that I've never felt while being in a relationship, and as a recovering people pleaser it's also nice not to have a bloke and his extended family/friends to try and fit life around, too.

People so often describe it in terms of what you don't have, but for me it feels like the best choice I've ever made, though I appreciate this isn't necessarily a choice for you right now.

If you want to read some positive stuff around being single, Bella de Paulo and Nicola Slawson both write beautifully about it 💙

I hope you don't mind, I am hopping on as I am also hoping for some wise words for people finding love again! DH left in October after 10 years of marriage, 2 gorgeous DC.

I have been feeling a little blue in my new status as single mum. I am the eternal optimist though! X

Jumping on this two as I'm hoping for stories of new glorious lives. I need hope!

Thank you @hilariousnamehere for those comforting words.

Most of the time I am absolutely fine and happy with my decision to become a single woman. There is an incredible peace being on my own then I ever felt in a relationship. Plus I already have my dc, and my biological clock has stopped ticking so I feel no pressure to find another relationship for marriage and babies etc. but I also knew these "milestones" would be hard - when he gets a girlfriend, moves in, maybe marries and has another child etc. I know they will each hurt and today has just been a very hard day. It too shall pass though.

I’m divorcing and my mantra is:

My ambition is to be the Main Character in my own life.

When I married, I was told that marriage should be the doubling of interests, not a halving of interests (meaning you both enjoy each others passions/hobbies), not that you have to give up your stuff because your partner won’t join in.

I ended up giving up most of my passions, so my husband could have time for his.

You now have the opportunity to make your own destiny. I know it’s not easy with children but with a partner you always have to make decisions jointly, and give up stuff to compromise.

So spend today being noisy and slapdash and lazy and ridiculous - because you no longer have to adjust your behaviour for someone else. If you are working today, plan all this stuff for your next day off.